Miranda Kerr

Miranda Kerr See-Through Lace Lingerie for Terry Richardson Shoot

Lucky bastard photographer Terry Richardson talked uber-sextastic and freshly single mom Miranda Kerr into wearing the see-through lace bra and some very tiny panties for her latest shoot with the photographer. I guess I can’t blame him for trying, nor for succeeding, in getting this incredibly hot Aussie to bare her nipples basically for his cameras.

One of my New Year’s resolutions will be to be less jealous of guys who get to hang around incredibly hot women half-nekkid in their studios. If only in part because I’m fortunate on occasion to delve into similar delights. Also, I want to be a better person next year, though, admittedly, that does sound like work and I’m not so big on work. Miranda, call me, I’ve got some magically see-through lingerie ready to go in my place too. You won’t even notice you’re wearing it. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Topless And In Charge for Harper’s

 
Miranda Kerr Topless in Harper's Bazaar Australia February 2014
Click to See Uncensored

What to do when you’re freshly single and have recently cut ties with your long time employer? Why, flash a full frontal topless photo of yourself in a major women’s magazine. That’s what I’d recommend at least. Blessedly, uber-sextastic Miranda Kerr took the suggestion for an unusually casual straight forward topless photo in a mini pictorial in her home country’s Harper’s Bazaar magazine discussing how Miranda is now completely in charge of her life.

I guess that’s true. And if her command decisions continue to be showing off her bare wares, I applaud her bold and thoughtful leadership. If she took off her bottoms, I’d vote for her for President or Prime Minister or my future ex-wife or what have you. Just so damn hot. Thank you, Miranda, you are a giving soul. Enjoy.

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Miranda Kerr Wears But Two Yarmulkes To Celebrate Hanukkah

As tomorrow represents the once a millennium or so coincidence of Hanukkah and Thanksgiving, I probably will be too high on tryptophan to get around to a celebration of our favorite Chosen Girls for the Jewish Holidays type post. However, in a surprising twist, the not even close to Hebraic Miranda Kerr decided to ring in the Festival of Lights be strapping together two kippahs over her funbags for a shoutout to the first night of the eight day temple oil miracle. It’s possible I’m reading into this photo just a bit.

The uber-sextastic Miranda did happen to flash shis Coco Chanel utterly tiny udder cover in i-D magazine as part of the journals digital relaunch. It’s definitely working. I can even feel the after-burners taking me toward the heavens. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Booty Extraordinaire For Jaguar Styling

I heard someone the other day talking about how Miranda Kerr was finished, done, kaput. Out of Victoria’s Secret, splitting up from Pirate boy, no longer relevant. Well, I boxed that medium to short-statured older woman square in the ear. What utter nonsense. Miranda Kerr will never be done. She’s only just getting started. She’s like a fine wine, in so much as the older she gets, the less likely I will be to find her joining me at my table at The Sizzler.

Just look at that fine body and booty on Miranda at the Jaguar pimping event out in Playa Vista. Talk about your sleek lines, high performance, and jaw-dropping handling. I’d like to handle her while my jaw dropped. Just ever so fine. Don’t make me cuff you again, old woman. Miranda Kerr isn’t going anywhere. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Is Single And Flexible and Wicked Hot

You probably don’t have a subscription to Self magazine, but as you know, despite the painful taunts of the middle school skaters outside my front door, I do cherish that time of the month when the ladies magazines arrive at the door step of my pied-a-tierre and I may once again feast upon the inspirational delights of the likes of a freshly single Miranda Kerr posing and preening in her workout gear.

You may know workout gear and stretching as the universal symbol that a woman is over her last man and ready to move on. If you read enough women’s magazines, you’ll see this pattern repeated quite often. It’s right up there with new hair-do. Being a man is far easier. They just have to be spotted with a new girl for the world to see they’ve moved on. Then again, men don’t look like Miranda Kerr in form fitting clothes stretching her fine female form. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Touching Herself Amid Butterflies and Fertile Flowers (VIDEO)

Here’s the little film V magazine put together of their recent photoshoot with Miranda Kerr homaging 70′s Italian porn star Cicciolina. It’s, well, it’s very fecund in its imagery you might say. Not that you need much push toward reproductive thoughts when peeking at the freshly single Miranda Kerr doing her porn star thing in a short Italian ode to classic eroticism.

Just something about this video makes me very happy. Like, I’m where I belong. Well, at least, I can see a picture of the farm where I belong, along with Miranda in her blonde wig as we figure out a way to forget her lonely marriage. I’ve got ideas. Enjoy.







An Open Letter to Baby Flynn About Me and Your Mommy

My Dearest Flynn:

I want you to know that your mommy and your original daddy who was once in a pirate movie and likes to wear motorcycle helmets still care for you very much. And I hope someday you can understand that there are forces in this world even more powerful than parental love. Like the raw passion two adults feel for each other than can’t be ignored. I’m talking about bare nekkid honey slathering bodily desire to slap body parts together morning, noon, and night, until the neighbors call the cops. Moaning, screaming, shaking eruptions of heat meeting heat in a carnal pit of indignity. The good news is, you will get many new toys to keep you occupied and nanny will be taking you on so many long, long walks. Also, you’ll have all the appropriate counseling services you require, provided I can find Groupon rates for the doctors. 

Love,

Uncle Bill

Note: I’d ask that any press inquiries regarding Miranda Kerr and her marital separation be referred to IMG Models in Sydney and any inquiries regarding Miranda and myself can be answered later today at the In & Out Burger on Sunset where I will be bragging to anybody interest in listening.