Vanity Fair knows how to throw a post-Oscars party. It’s sort of the big event everybody moves to after all the official business is done at the Academy Awards. Plus they throw in all the sextastic celebrities who didn’t quite get an official Oscar invite, the likes of Reese Witherspoon who took the occasion to show off an unusual, but definitely appreciate amount of bare boob with her daring dress.
Along with Reese, Sofia Vergara, Miranda Kerr, Olivia Munn, and Zooey Deschanel helped make this the most ultimate prom night you didn’t get invited to. Or I should say, I didn’t, so just like prom night. The ladies looked stunning. If only Reese had gotten Georgia-tipsy in that dress, we might’ve seen a malfunction for the ages. But, it’s Oscar night, so everybody was on sadly good behavior. Enjoy.
I know people make fun of me for my vast women’s magazine subscriptions. Go on, chuckle, just like the middle school skate gang that terrorizes me outside my own stoop when I go to retrieve my lady journals. But who has the last laugh when the very first Miley Cyrus topless pictures show up in W Magazine, along with Lara Stone topless, Miranda Kerr barely covered nekkid in the bed, and Cindy Crawford, well, damn. Oh, why not throw in Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley in a see-through bra, Vanessa Hudgens different looking hotness, Milla Jovovich stunning, Rita Ora biting on a bed sheet, and Ciara looking boudoir sextastic.
It’s only one of the finest magazine photo spreads ever. Certainly monumental, epic, and initiating the clarion call for a little private time viewing. Yep, who’s laughing now Mr. Postman, old neighbor lady, skate kids, and mom? You’ve had your fun belittling me through the years. I’ll take my topless wicked hot celebrity photos and my perfume samplers, thank you very much. Enjoy.
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I’m not sure what exactly Miranda Kerr was trying to promote in N.Y.C, I just kept staring at her stomach and wondering if reminding her that her ex-husband is now dating a French hottie would make her dig as deep as revenge sex with me. Truly, there’s no way she could hurt him worse unless he has a brother he no longer speaks to.
Now a more than eligible bachelorette, Miranda Kerr has the uncanny ability to make her sweet little knockers point toward magnetic North without so much as a hand adjustment. They are certainly the compass by which I measure my own happiness. Oh, to see how far up her tummy that tautness goes. I would endure many indignities to venture that particular path. Enjoy.
Talk about your golden globes, Sofia Vergara has them right here. Sofia easily could have been named the hottie d’jour on the red carpet of the 2014 Golden Globes last night. What she did at the after-party was simply make it a no doubter. Albeit, the lovely likes of Miranda Kerr, Taylor Swift, and a cleavetastic Vanessa Hudgens made a play for the gold medal, nobody was able to keep abreast, as it were, with Sofia and her low cut shiny gown.
At next year’s Golden Globes, I hope Sofia sits at my table. I mean, the table I’m assigned to pour water and refill wine glasses. I’m quite certain I would be pouring from her right, even as my left was wandering. Just so damn hot! Enjoy.
Lucky bastard photographer Terry Richardson talked uber-sextastic and freshly single mom Miranda Kerr into wearing the see-through lace bra and some very tiny panties for her latest shoot with the photographer. I guess I can’t blame him for trying, nor for succeeding, in getting this incredibly hot Aussie to bare her nipples basically for his cameras.
One of my New Year’s resolutions will be to be less jealous of guys who get to hang around incredibly hot women half-nekkid in their studios. If only in part because I’m fortunate on occasion to delve into similar delights. Also, I want to be a better person next year, though, admittedly, that does sound like work and I’m not so big on work. Miranda, call me, I’ve got some magically see-through lingerie ready to go in my place too. You won’t even notice you’re wearing it. Enjoy.
What to do when you’re freshly single and have recently cut ties with your long time employer? Why, flash a full frontal topless photo of yourself in a major women’s magazine. That’s what I’d recommend at least. Blessedly, uber-sextastic Miranda Kerr took the suggestion for an unusually casual straight forward topless photo in a mini pictorial in her home country’s Harper’s Bazaar magazine discussing how Miranda is now completely in charge of her life.
I guess that’s true. And if her command decisions continue to be showing off her bare wares, I applaud her bold and thoughtful leadership. If she took off her bottoms, I’d vote for her for President or Prime Minister or my future ex-wife or what have you. Just so damn hot. Thank you, Miranda, you are a giving soul. Enjoy.
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