Miranda Kerr

An Open Letter to Baby Flynn About Me and Your Mommy

My Dearest Flynn:

I want you to know that your mommy and your original daddy who was once in a pirate movie and likes to wear motorcycle helmets still care for you very much. And I hope someday you can understand that there are forces in this world even more powerful than parental love. Like the raw passion two adults feel for each other than can't be ignored. I'm talking about bare nekkid honey slathering bodily desire to slap body parts together morning, noon, and night, until the neighbors call the cops. Moaning, screaming, shaking eruptions of heat meeting heat in a carnal pit of indignity. The good news is, you will get many new toys to keep you occupied and nanny will be taking you on so many long, long walks. Also, you'll have all the appropriate counseling services you require, provided I can find Groupon rates for the doctors. 

Love,

Uncle Bill

Note: I'd ask that any press inquiries regarding Miranda Kerr and her marital separation be referred to IMG Models in Sydney and any inquiries regarding Miranda and myself can be answered later today at the In & Out Burger on Sunset where I will be bragging to anybody interest in listening.

Miranda Kerr in Hooker Boots? Oh, Yes, Please, Punish Me

We don't go much for fashion in these parts. And while Paris Fashion Week rages on and all the critics and fashionistas and fancy ladies ooh and ahh over things I do not understand, well, along comes Miranda Kerr in thigh high boots to make a statement that even the most fashion ignorant male can understand -- hotness.

Now, I could spend the next five hours detailing the every move of Miranda Kerr and her power boots reminding me of what a bad boy I've been and laying out some punishment of a very brutally sweet kind on yours truly, but, I'd rather not have a paper record of certain thoughts I have that represent crimes currently in over 97 nations. Suffice it to say, I'd like to watch Miranda zipper her boots up, and down, and up, and down. Fashion week just got interesting again. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Flashes Her Cleavage for Parisian Shopping Trip

Since some folks are selling during Paris Fashion Week, some folks must be buying. Which is of little consequence to us here, except when that somebody happens to be Miranda Kerr in a low cut dress, rummaging about the expensive boutiques of Paris because, well, because that is what women with means do. Somebody has to buy a thousand dollar skirt. It's not going to be me. I'd buy a thousand dollar Super Bowl ticket maybe if my team ever made it, but I'll surely not be wearing a skirt at the game (pre-game drinking waives all ability to keep this promise).

Miranda Kerr is not just a sextastic seller of clothes, she's a hot looking shopper. I'd love to accompany her on one of her trips so I can stare at her sweet top in between making excuses about how I left my AmEx black card back at the Four Seasons. Oh, we would giggle. And she would kick me in the shins. But it'd all be worth it. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Braless in Black Tank Top (How Did She Keep Her Puppies Sheltered?)

Yesterday we got to see the lacy peaks of Miranda Kerr peaking out from beneath her fancy dress, today the uber-sextastic lingerie and fashion model decided to go with just the tank top around New York City, barely containing her peaches beneath. I'm not even sure how she got around town without flopping out of her top, I only know it means those particular prayers of mine went unanswered in that moment.

Miranda Kerr has been excessively frisky of late, ever since leaving V.S. really, flashing her top like a true international model should. As much as we will be forever grateful for all the wonderful visuals she gave us over the years with the lingerie brand, this new Miranda Kerr, well, she's got a lot of surprises in store for us. Consider me very excited by the near future. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Slipping Nip in Braless Lacy High Fashion

Well, if there's something to be said for high fashion, like fancy meals at upscale restaurants, they don't give you much to work with. So what I'm sure was the rather expensive frock of Miranda Kerr at some fancy New York Fashion Week related event turned out to be rather sheer and lacy and see-through to the point that when Miranda lifted her arms for an adjustment, we got a nice sight of her braless chest, only partially covered by her haute couture.

Oh, uber-sextastic Miranda Kerr, how you do make us so pleasantly pleased with your glorious body you've been showing off more and more since cutting ties with Victoria's Secret. I don't know much about fashion, but I do know that I approve of this dress. Just keep your arms up Miranda. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr, Candice Swanepoel and More Topless ‘Goddesses’ for Interview Shoot

 

Whoa, my eyes! I mean that in the most wonderful way, not the ouch there's acid burning my retinas kind of way. Hardly acid, just pure sextastic courtesy of even more artistically delicious supermodel topless goodness in Interview magazine.

In this latest installment, we feast our peeps upon the bodily displays of Behati Prinsloo, Constance Jablonski, Doutzen Kroes, Miranda Kerr, Candice Swanepoel, Toni Garrn, and more supermodels, many of whom are flashing their ridiculously hot bare boobtastic for the benefit a cultural homage to something that is not as nearly quite important as the homage to female hotness. Wow. I do so love these pictures. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Topless and Hot Damn Blonde Farm Girl Fantasy for V Magazine!

 

Whoa. I need a moment to catch my breath. Miranda Kerr homaging 70's Italian porn star Cicciolina as a lingerie wearing farm girl flashing her beautiful breasts? It's as if V-magazine drilled into my libido one even when I slept and stole my very precise fantasy. Damn. I need another moment.

I really don't know how to express myself at this moment. It's a combination of lust, confusion, seeing the Matterhorn at Disneyland for the first time, being extremely jealous of that dude who used to make those Pirate movies. A whirlwind of emotions, most of which are probably best left to private time musings. I'm just so very happy today. Enjoy.