Our friends at Tyler Durden opine that perhaps divorce isn’t quite as bad as it seems. Certainly not on the hot tanned body of Miranda Kerr who is showing off in Spanish Elle magazine. I’ll admit, I cried when she dumped that thespian fop. But they were mostly tears of joy.
Check out the see-through and bikini pictorial of the uber-sextastic MILF over on WWTDD.
Miranda Kerr seems to be doing alright as a single mom. I’m judging that entirely off how ridiculously amazing she looks in this Mario Testino shot topless and see-through racy goodness shoot for British GQ. Once you start getting caught up in all the gossip and relationship nonsense and all that blather, it’s easy to lose track of one simple and enduring fact — Miranda Kerr is simply one of the hottest photo subjects in the world. Throw in the fact that in the magazine she’s talking about how she digs and might consider getting cozy with other hot women in a romantic way, well, hello perfect object d’ lust.
The uber-MILFtastic Miranda hasn’t even hit her prime yet. At just 30, she has so many fine years of fineness before her. It’s scary to think she might be even more tingle-inducing in the future. But scary in a good way, like when you accidentally catch your friend’s mom coming out of the show when you’re in grade school. It happened to me. I’d call it scary great. Enjoy.
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Well, hello there lovely little Aussie lass. Miranda Kerr is featured in the latest edition of GQ UK and she’s looking mighty, well, nekkid. Which is about the best or near the best you can hope for with such a sextastic newly single woman.
Now, you know I didn’t gloat when Miranda and Orlando separated as I reluctantly and not so presciently forecast the minute they got married. Not a tough call. But I think I’m going to give Miranda a little room to get comfortable with her single self before I swoop in and show her what that bare sweet booty and see-through tank top is doing to my very soul at this moment. It’s like a tsunami meets a hurricane meets an earthquake of passion, with only myself to be potentially injured. Miranda Kerr is just so super MILFtastic, I want to scream. I am currently actually. Enjoy.
In case you were worried if Miranda Kerr would ever find a job again after Victoria’s Secret, um, yeah, worry no longer. That’s just crazy talk. Miranda has been triple booked since the day she cut ties with V.S., picking up modeling and endorsement deals for women’s apparel and accessories like I pick up so many debt collection notices from my mailbox each Tuesday. As in, a lot.
Miranda’s latest is her must-see commercial for Rebook. It might be Nike or Adidas actually, I can’t really pay attention to what she’s selling, just watching her coming home and stripping out of her clothes and into the shower. I think the commercial implies that her neighbors are peeking in her windows too, which makes this ad feel very real to me as I would do exactly that if I were her neighbor. I’d probably watch her unoccupied couch for at least four hours a day, just because she once sat on it. Being a pervert is somewhat time consuming, but it’s an affordable hobby. Enjoy.
Anybody who thought Miranda Kerr wasn’t going to get a million and one modeling gig offers the minute she parted ways with Victoria’s Secret clearly hasn’t been experiencing an erection lasting five years since first laying eyes upon her. She’s got the goods to sell the shizz out of underwear. Other things we don’t care about as much as well.
Wonderbra snapped up the bodily assets of Miranda Kerr to pimp their goose holders. They could not have made a wiser choice. The modestly bosomed Miranda instantly becomes a cleavetastic wonder thanks to the miracle of modern ladies support. I’m imagining their lovely descent once she removes the bra to remind me that it’s my half-birthday and she has a present for me. It could happen. Anything can happen on a half-birthday. Enjoy.
Vanity Fair knows how to throw a post-Oscars party. It’s sort of the big event everybody moves to after all the official business is done at the Academy Awards. Plus they throw in all the sextastic celebrities who didn’t quite get an official Oscar invite, the likes of Reese Witherspoon who took the occasion to show off an unusual, but definitely appreciate amount of bare boob with her daring dress.
Along with Reese, Sofia Vergara, Miranda Kerr, Olivia Munn, and Zooey Deschanel helped make this the most ultimate prom night you didn’t get invited to. Or I should say, I didn’t, so just like prom night. The ladies looked stunning. If only Reese had gotten Georgia-tipsy in that dress, we might’ve seen a malfunction for the ages. But, it’s Oscar night, so everybody was on sadly good behavior. Enjoy.
I know people make fun of me for my vast women’s magazine subscriptions. Go on, chuckle, just like the middle school skate gang that terrorizes me outside my own stoop when I go to retrieve my lady journals. But who has the last laugh when the very first Miley Cyrus topless pictures show up in W Magazine, along with Lara Stone topless, Miranda Kerr barely covered nekkid in the bed, and Cindy Crawford, well, damn. Oh, why not throw in Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley in a see-through bra, Vanessa Hudgens different looking hotness, Milla Jovovich stunning, Rita Ora biting on a bed sheet, and Ciara looking boudoir sextastic.
It’s only one of the finest magazine photo spreads ever. Certainly monumental, epic, and initiating the clarion call for a little private time viewing. Yep, who’s laughing now Mr. Postman, old neighbor lady, skate kids, and mom? You’ve had your fun belittling me through the years. I’ll take my topless wicked hot celebrity photos and my perfume samplers, thank you very much. Enjoy.
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