Okay, granted, Minka Kelly is not the most exciting celebrity in the world. She’s in that pedicure-hair-salon-boutique-shopping-doctors-office daily visits with several other safe and boring celebrities like Whitney Port, Nikki Hilton, and Emma Robertswho always have a half smile on their face and a cellphone to their ear no doubt engaged in never ending geo-political discussions with their social group. But none of them are as hot as Minka Kelly, and that’s an enormous plus when you’re taking in the measure of a woman. And, oh, how I’d love to measure Minka in that low cut purple dress of hers.
To summarize, boring women are okay when they’re super hot. And, yeah, I know I didn’t need to tell you that. Enjoy.
Here’s the funny thing. Well, not so funny, but maybe it’s ironic, I’ve never quite understand that word, so maybe let’s just call it fortuitous. But some of our favorite sextastic celebrities who work so hard to hide their faces from the cameras in public, can’t wait to get into the privacy of their own Tinsel Town worlds and begin snapping away with often very revealing photos of themselves and then sharing those photos openly with the rest of the world. I suppose it’s a control issue, kind of like why my girlfriend keeps changing the ‘seat’ rules in the bathroom.
But, seat up or down issues aside, this week’s amalgamation of the best of the self-published celebrity pictures from around the web is really quite ogle-worthy, including Vanessa Hudgens boobtastic bikini pics from the Spring Breakers set, our greatest Dane, Nina Agdal barely covering her bare top, Minka Kelly cleavage, Jenna Haze backstage lingerie, and Adrianne Curry doing what she does best with her Twtipic shows, and so much much more. It really is a slideshow not to be missed. Enjoy.
We don’t see much of Minka Kelly these days. Well, you don’t, we do here, but it’s mostly walking her dog all covered in a conservative mom garb of some kind, which makes no sense for the young hot actress, but I guess she’s not much into displays of public exhibition, at least not since the Derek Jeter banging days ended, ah, the salad days of youth. (Hey, you downgrade from a future Hall of Famer to Wilmer Valderrama as Minka reportedly has, and you’d be hiding from the spotlight too.)
But at the airport over the weekend, Minka and her formidable funbags got all hot and bothered with the L.A. heat and started to work up a sweaty profusion from her boobtastic protrusions that caused even the most world-weary traveler to pause and check out her roses. It’s quite an impressive rack, it’s sweaty, and that makes it all kinds of awesome. Thank you, Minka. It’s been a while. Enjoy.
Some visitors might tell you that the two most impressive landmarks in Washington D.C. are The Capitol and the Washington Monument, well, yesterday, it was clearly old Ms. Right and Ms. Left barely packed into the low cut dress of Minka Kelly who was in Washington for some very important business that seemed to involve mostly bringing smiles to the faces of passing oglers.
With Congress about as well-liked in polls as anal fungus, and the entire center of government under scrutiny for mismanagement, malfeasance, and just mostly being really boring, the cleavetastic Minka Kelly showed just how one woman can dominate the spotlight from an entire barn full of politicians, even if she’s not an underaged prostitute. Go, Minka! Enjoy.
I’m quite certain that my invitation to the fancy Valentino event last night in Beverly Hills got lost in the mail. Surely, I’m on the mailing list for all high end fashiony events. Or perhaps somebody has leaked out the secret that I do most of my shopping at Target, on the sale racks, with my Amazon local discounts printed out on recycled paper. Hey, you can’t get six pairs of gym socks for $9 with the Valentino label sewn in.
Regardless, a number of Hollywood hotties did receive the invitation to pimp out the high-end brand last night, including Kim Kardashian, who we begrudgingly must admit dolls up extremely nice, Spanx and all, Alice Eve who was all kinds of see-throughish, Ciara, who has one of the more underrated best bodies in Tinsel Town, Minka Kelly, who can’t seem to act, but can seem to be super hot, and Aussie sextastic, Teresa Palmer, the hot blonde from, well, a ton of movies, who played that role as well at last night’s event. Enjoy.
Now, you know I’m not big on artistic themes when it comes to the presentation of the celebrity sextastic; just lay it out there simple and bare, that works for me pretty much all the time. But, once in a while, a theme goes come along that gets the old fantasy strings a tugging, and, well, we have to give it up for the folks at Heart Truth and their Red Dress Collection event each February. It’s a cavalcade of scarlet hotties each winter, each trying to be redder and hotter than the next.
This year’s list of Red Dress babes included a skin flashing Rose McGowan, ever hot Minka Kelly, veteran model Rebecca Romijn, and seemingly eternal blonde squeeze, Christie Brinkley. Yes, it was a night to see red until you were blue in the … well, you get the idea. Enjoy.
By way of disclosure, let me first say that I have never ever paid more than $12 in my life for a haircut and I’m not afraid to use coupons. And that the person who usually cuts my hair does not speak my language, nor do I speak her language, but, for a woman born with two left hands, literally, she does not do a terrible job. My time in ‘salons’ is brief, urgent, and somewhat like walking through the haunted house of your neighbor who thinks that jumping out from behind a doorway and screaming is somehow frighteningly ghoulish.
But you know who does look hot after leaving the slightly more expensive salon? Well, last night it was Minka Kelly and Ashley Tisdale, two women who make the gentleman oglers give up an involuntary and completely anatomically natural 21-gun salute during even the most inauspicious of occasions. Both these girls names appear in my hope chest as I can not but dream of hopefully seeing their chests, bare as are my feelings toward these two hotties.
And, no, I don’t necessarily want a girlfriend who spends more on her hair than I do on my rent, car, and food each month, but when they look like Minka and Ashley, well, just be real, you’d sell your left grape and your grandma just for one night of unbridled motel room passion letting. Enjoy.