Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey’s Breasts are in Another Time Zone

I don’t know how she does it without falling over, but Mariah Carey’s breasts are so far in front of her that they should have their own time zone. Maybe not a full hour ahead, but at least a half hour. Kind of like Newfoundland.

Photo credit: Splash

Mariah Carey Bikini Pictures and Drunk Jet-Skiing

Well, the theme of July is obvious, and there’s no point in fighting it. To that end, here are some Mariah Carey bikini pictures. Now, while most of you are probably just staring at her body, which actually looks pretty good (though I’m positive those boobs are fake), I’m looking at something else entirely.

I’m looking at the fact that in some pictures, Mariah has a ginormous glass of wine in her hand, and in other pictures, she’s on a jet-ski, sans life jacket. Now, I’m pretty sure it’s just as bad an idea to drink and jet-ski, as it is to drink and drive. Especially when you’ve left your flotation device on the boat.

Oh, wait! I totally forgot. Mariah’s got two flotation devices right there on her chest.

Mariah Carey is Back, Brings Her Cleavage Along

Mariah Carey showed up to the Fresh Air Fund Salute to American Heroes thing last night, and while I would rarely talk about Mariah Carey, the fact of the matter is, she’s not Paris Hilton and that’s good enough for me right now.

It has been a while, though, since we’ve seen or heard anything from Mariah. Naturally, that’s a good thing, but I do have to say she’s looking alright. Can you tell I have absolutely nothing else to write about?

More pictures of Mariah Carey after the jump.

Photo credit: Splash

Mariah Carey: Drunk, Stoned or Stupid? You Pick

There is something definitely wrong with Mariah Carey. This hidden camera video of Mariah in Aspen, taken by a Brazilian fan, shows the singer chatting with some people while holding a glass of Champagne. The way she’s speaking, however, makes you wonder if she hasn’t been hit in the head a couple of times.

Her speech is slurred, she asks the kids she’s talking to if they’ll give her their gloves, and Carey even says that she basically dropped out of school in the 8th grade. You can also here Mariah say “here comes the liquor.”

It would be easy to say she’s drunk, what with the alcohol, and all, but it seems like more than that. Were there other intoxicating influences, or is Mariah really just that brain dead? Either way, she’s won’t be joining Mensa any time soon.

Note: if you suffer from motion sickness, this video might not be for you.

Mariah Carey is the Future of Fugly

If you ask me, it looks like Mariah Carey has seen Star Wars one time too many, or maybe that’s me, but Mariah’s outfit looks like something Obi-Wan Kenobi would wear to the ski slopes, if he was blind.

From her wooley mega-hooded pancho/parka/cloak/coat, down to her shiny silver Back to the Future high heel boots, Mariah is a mashup of some pretty bad “future” fashion. Also, I don’t think she’s wearing a bra.

I’d ask where she’s hiding her Lightsaber, but I really don’t want to know.

Photo credit: Flynet

Mariah Carey Bikini Concert Pictures

So, I don’t think that Mariah Carey is technically wearing a bikini, but whatever she’s wearing on stage isn’t really that much bigger than a bikini. Sure, it has a cape, and she’s not at the beach, but it sure looks like a bikini to me. That or it’s just plain bra and underwear. Albeit sparkly bra and underwear.

Of course, I could be wrong. Who knows, with that cape, Mariah Carey could be some kind of new singing Superhero. An annoying, skanky, singing Superhero. Or, just plain skanky. Either way, she’s not really wearing very much.

You, know I think it’s good that we finally have a plus-sized, annoying, skanky, singing Superhero.

Lots more Mariah Carey Bikini (or Bra and Underwear) pictures after the jump.


Christina Aguilera vs. Mariah Carey: Fight!

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Not that anyone really cares what the hell Christina Aguilera has to say, but apparently, in the new issue of GQ, X-Tina had some nasty words about Mariah Carey. According to Page Six, Aguilera told GQ that Mariah didn’t like her, and said mean things to her when she was drunk. Poor baby.

“She was never cool to me. To the point that one time we were at a party and I think she got really drunk, and she had just really derogatory things to say to me in front of [Aguilera trails off] . . . But it was at that time that she had that breakdown, so she might have been very medicated.”

Of course, Mariah is a Diva too, and so would never allow such comments to go unanswered, saying:

I had hoped that Christina was in a better place now than the last time I saw her, when she showed up uninvited at one of my parties and displayed questionable behavior.

It is sad yet predictable that she would use my name to reinvent past incidents for her promotional gain. It is in my heart to forgive, and I will keep her in my prayers.

Yawn…. If you’re still reading this, congratulations, you have a longer attention span than I do, and I’m writing this shit. Have you ever seen a more boring feud, between a more boring duo. I don’t think it would be possible for me to be any less interested in these two and there inane feuding. Alright, so Christina Aguilera doesn’t like Mariah Carey. Well, I don’t like either of them.

If you’d like something a little more interesting, check out some pictures of Christina Aguilera naked in GQ. Sorry, I have nothing that can make Mariah Carey more interesting. There are more pictures after the jump, however.