Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey Becomes the New Jenny Craig Girl (By Eating the Last Jenny Craig Girl)

We think it’s great that Mariah lost 70 lbs. since giving birth to her twins. Let’s be honest, the formerly perfectly-curved Mariah Carey body of the she-banging Derek Jeter and Glitter days had turned into Pillsbury Dough Boyishness even before her becoming with child from that Nickelodeon TV dude, so it’s nice to see Mariah scaling back down to normal human proportions one stone at a time. In fact, taking on the role as the new Jenny Craig spokeswoman will only help Mariah lose more ounces by way of the million and one zoftig women she’ll be hugging it out with over the course of the coming year.

We here at Egotastic! support the general principle that you need meat and bones to produce the perfect sextastic soup. Keep coming with the curves, dear lady folk. Enjoy.

The Bum Diary

Amber Heard gets asstastic in Paris. (Popoholic)

Mariah Carey is back in fighting shape. (HuffPo)

Dakota Fanning ad is banned for being too sexy. (FoxNews)

Cheryl Cole hot new photoshoot. (GossipCenter)

Blake Lively flashes some red carpet cleavage. (TheSuperficial)

Candice Swanepoel. Damn. (TheChive)

Batman workshops some voices. (CollegeHumor)

ABSolute Hottie

Ashley Tisdale hits the gym in a sports bra. (SocialiteLife)

Kristin Cavallari grilling in a bikini. (Celebuzz)

Sofia Vergara and her sexy sister. (HuffPo)

New Mariah Carey swimsuit pictures. (GossipCenter)

Mila Kunis can talk dirty in Russian. (DrunkenStepfather)

Overheard at Cowboys & Aliens. (CollegeHumor)

Emmy Rossum in a sweet little dress. (Popoholic)

Golden Globes at the Golden Globes

Like all award shows, the Golden Globes basically sucked. Aside from a few good lines from the always great Ricky Gervais, I felt like smaking just about everyone else, except for Robert Downey Jr. But that doesn’t mean the night was a total loss, because one thing that you can usually count on at the Golden Globes is all the Golden Globes. And yes, I’m talking about boobs. The clear winner in the Best Boobs category was hands down Christina Hendricks, but othe nominees, Mariah Carey, Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Heather Graham, and Olivia Wilde looked pretty damn good, too.

Oh, and check out Lindsay Lohan actually looking hot and pretty, and not like a strung-out junkie trying to get her next fix. There might be hope for her yet.

Mariah Carey, Please Don’t

I’m not going to say Mariah Carey’s fat, but I am going to say it’s going to take a whole hell of a lot of Photoshop to fix everything that’s going on here. So much, in fact, that we might suffer a Photoshop shortage. But it doesn’t look like Mariah’s been seeing a shortage of anything. Especially not the cheeseburgers. Now, is there some way I can un-see these Mariah Carey swimsuit pictures?

Oh, and by the way, Mariah Carey is fat.

Photo credit: Splash News

Mariah Carey is a Slutty Firefighter

Give Mariah Carey ten points for originality on her Halloween costume, because she’s not just a regular firefighter, she’s a “Sexy” Firefighter. Except she’s not sexy. “Slutty” Firefighter is more like it. Or possibly Porn Star dressed as a Firefighter, about to get hosed down. Yeah, I think that’s what she’s going for. In that case, well done, Mariah.

Photo credit: Splash News

Mariah Carey Nipple Slip! I Think…


So, um, is that a Mariah Carey nipple slip that I see? The picture is blurry, so that could just be rock on the wall, but you’ve got to agree that it’s definitely in the right place. Could it be a coincidence, or is that really Mariah Carey’s nipple popping out? This is truly a question for the ages. Or at the very least a question for the rest of the day.

Nipple slip or not, that’s definitely some very nice Mariah Carey side boob.

Photo credit: Splash News