Mariah Carey

Happy Birthday, Mariah Carey Boobs

Technically, we don’t know if it’s the birthday of the Mariah Carey fun time fully loaded funbags or not, but it is her birthday, as the pop diva turns 43 years young today. It really has been 20 years since Mariah skyrocketed her career through a combination of talent, good looks, and making the sexy with a big music industry executive. I wish I had any of those going for me.

But Mariah turned it into gold and on her birthday, we celebrate her, and her amazing rack. Because this really is a birthday tribute mostly just for us. Enjoy.

Mariah Carey Brings Out the Big Guns for American Idol Finalist Party

Granted, this is the seventeenth Finalist Party of the current American Idol season. I don’t watch the show, because I like girls and football, but it does seem they have a blowout confetti after party pretty much now every single week to celebrate some culling of the amateur pop star singing herd.

And that was the only excuse Mariah Carey needed to bring out her twins for cleavetastic display at the after-party. Combine those with a strong-ass pair of Spanx and a tight dress and you have the makings of a now 40-something diva who is still very much stacked and intact. You go, girl, as the kids like to say that I like to punch in the abdomen. Mariah Carey, still working it. Enjoy.

Mariah Carey Wishes You A Titty Christmas This Yuletide

Well, somebody’s gotta light up your Christmas tree. In my house, it was always neighbor Carl to whom my dad owed gambling money so Carl would come over and light the tree, then threaten my dad, and slap my mom on the ass. It was sort of like the ceremonial start to the holiday season around our hearth. Ah, Christmas.

Don’t you know, Rockefeller Center goes a little deeper into their wallets for the official lighting of their big-arse Norwegian Spruce. They brought into the curvaceous Mariah Carey to kick off the seasonal tidings with some music and a rather gift-worthy exhibition of her twin fruitcakes. I mean, that was some serious cleavage for a family gathering. And, in that same way, it almost makes family gatherings worthwhile.

This Christmas, we salute Mariah Carey’s bulging breasts. We’d be scared not to. Enjoy.

Mariah Carey Camel Toe Inspired Many A Vienna Sausage During Austrian Concert

Oh, Mariah Carey. You do slay us.

The Jenny Craiger was in Europe renewing vows with her Nickelodeon young husband this past weekend and made a stop in Austria for a concert performance in the Alps to show off her new, slimmer momma figure in her red stretch tight pants, flashing all kinds of camel toe to a crowd of mountain folk who stood and gaped them own selves. 

We’ve always had a thing for Mariah, even the fatter Mariah was kind of hot, but now, all back into her sausage casing outfits and flashing her lips on stage, well, we have a new appreciation for the new mom. Enjoy.

Mariah Carey Squeezes Into Body Suit As She Gets Back to Old Form

I can’t say we caught Mariah Carey squeezing into spandex, because the slimming and trimming down Mariah clearly intended to be seen in Aspen in her winter weather body suit last night.

Still, it seems clear some serious progress is taking place for the new Jenny Craig spokeschick. Enjoy.

Mariah Carey Becomes the New Jenny Craig Girl (By Eating the Last Jenny Craig Girl)

We think it’s great that Mariah lost 70 lbs. since giving birth to her twins. Let’s be honest, the formerly perfectly-curved Mariah Carey body of the she-banging Derek Jeter and Glitter days had turned into Pillsbury Dough Boyishness even before her becoming with child from that Nickelodeon TV dude, so it’s nice to see Mariah scaling back down to normal human proportions one stone at a time. In fact, taking on the role as the new Jenny Craig spokeswoman will only help Mariah lose more ounces by way of the million and one zoftig women she’ll be hugging it out with over the course of the coming year.

We here at Egotastic! support the general principle that you need meat and bones to produce the perfect sextastic soup. Keep coming with the curves, dear lady folk. Enjoy.

The Bum Diary

Amber Heard gets asstastic in Paris. (Popoholic)

Mariah Carey is back in fighting shape. (HuffPo)

Dakota Fanning ad is banned for being too sexy. (FoxNews)

Cheryl Cole hot new photoshoot. (GossipCenter)

Blake Lively flashes some red carpet cleavage. (TheSuperficial)

Candice Swanepoel. Damn. (TheChive)

Batman workshops some voices. (CollegeHumor)