Maria Menounos

Maria Menounous, Kaley Cuoco, and Emmy Rossum Highlight the Hotness at ‘Critics’ Choice Awards’

I’m not exactly sure what the Critics’ Choice Awards are, but I can tell you they chose wisely. I say that by default as Maria Menounous, Kaley Cuoco, and Emmy Awesome all made their way elegantly and quite sextastically down the red carpet of the TV awards show.

Maybe the awards celebrate TV stars we’d most like to see strip out of their clothing, at least, if I’m guessing the award based on the entrants, that’s what I surmise. Though I’m not a critic, just a lover. I leave the criticisms and regrets to my girlfriends. Enjoy.

Maria Menounos Cleave and Robin Antin Veteran Body Hotness Highlight the Grand Kardashian Baby Shower

All kidding aside, Kim Kardashian is about to have her first unwed baby, a major point of pride in the Kardashian household. And time to celebrate. So the sisters three and their puppet master mother got together and threw the biggest, brashest, most expensive baby shower ever. And maybe somebody sort of kind of filmed it all for television to pay for it and then some. Still, ever so magical, including the stunning announcement that the baby is a girl. Not so stunning really since there’s a 50-percent chance it’s a girl, and that’s even before the maniacal K’s spun that sperm into a high chance of female offspring.

Still, baby showers mean girls in pretty dresses, and while Kim wanted to be the swollen belle of her own ball, a couple hotties did make their way into the party. Most notably, Grecian goddess Maria Menounos showing off just a nice hint of cleavage, and a shoutout to veteran Pussycat Doll founder and dancer, Robin Antin, who nearly 20-years later is still looking mighty well-shaped. I bet the party itself was amazing. Sadly, no boys were allowed so I did not receive my music box invitation. Enjoy.

I Want To See Star Trek Into Darkness With Maria Menounos’ Booty

There’s no denying I’m super geeked to see Star Trek Into Darkness this Friday.

The only way to elevate that geeked-ness to levels beyond quantitative science would be to escort Maria Menounos and her just chillingly amazing booty to the movies. The derriere of the Greek goddess was on display last night at the Hollywood premiere of STID (not to be confused with the STDs Maria and I would passionately exchange later on in the evening). What a bottom this sextastic woman has.

It’s always been there, it’s always been great, but, of late, it’s just churning out heat like a badonkadonk supernova. I want it. And I want to take it to the movies. I wonder if Maria would find it rude if I asked her to watch Star Trek next to me while sitting with her knees on the chair and facing backwards to the screen. You can’t know for sure until you ask I guess. Enjoy.

Maria Menounos Bodacious Booty Call on the Set of Extra

Wow, well, hello backside of our Grecian princess, Maria Menounos. Somebody’s got a badonkadonk to remember. Not that we’d ever forget Maria, we can’t not think about her for more than about ten seconds. But with this bodacious buttside staring us in the face, wow, once again.

Just when you think you can’t lust for Maria Menounos any harder, she goes and shows off a hot dumper that if you’re not thinking about squeezing with both hands, both feet, and any other working appendage, you’re simply not even trying. Enjoy.

Maria Menounos Is Super Hot Doing Anything

And that includes walking a pony. I’ve said it really doesn’t matter what Grecian princess Maria Menounos does, I’m onboard and ogling hard.

So I’m hardly backing down from my blanket statement as she parades a pony around The Grove for some purpose not quite as exciting as the last time I saw a woman with a pony when I was in Tijuana. True story. I wouldn’t see that show again. But I will continue to leer at Maria doing anything from scrubbing her toilets to undressing in her dressing room mirror from a perch on the oak tree outside her window (not that I’ve been scouting). Enjoy.


Maria Menounos Tight Green Dress for St. Patrick’s Day Asstastic Fapitation

You know Maria Menounos could wear a burqa wrapped in a winter jacket, encased in a mummy’s rotting bandages and we’d still find the incredibly irresistible urge to make love to her entire body, right down to the little toe (oh, the passion we would release thereabouts). But when Maria shimmies into one of her tight dresses on the set of Extra, well, the mind swirls with happy thoughts almost impossible to contain. Our cups runneth over.

Now, I know the tradition is that wearing green keeps you safe from the St. Patrick’s Day pinches of teasing schoolboys and lascivious older men, but I believe if St. Patrick were alive today, even he would be tempted to do a little slap and tickle on Maria’s emerald covered asstastic. Enjoy.

Reese Witherspoon, Maria Menounos, and Brandi Glanville Take Early Lead for Ogle-Worthy on the 2013 Academy Awards Red Carpet

Ah, finally, the 2013 Academy Awards, a.k.a., The Oscars, are finally upon us. The ceremonial end to the six week long bout of Hollywood auto-fellatio that encompasses about 30-40 events of celebrities patting celebrities on the back for being such wonderful citizens of the world. But, make no mistake about it, this is the big one, mostly because every single hot woman in Hollywood will either be at The Oscars today or attending one of the many swank after-parties. This is the single biggest day of the year in Tinsel Town.

Now, then, on to the sextastic on the Oscar Red Carpet….

We’ll be updating this post through the evening, but so far, we’ve got MILFtastic Reese Witherspoon leading our list of ‘damn!’ on the Red Carpet, Brandi Glanville deserving the Attention Getter award for being a reality show housewife who somehow got an Oscar invite and made the boobtastic most of it, and Maria Menounous for simply being ridiculously hot everywhere she goes…

(This gallery will update further as more arrivals, well, arrive)