I wrote a new national anthem for Colombia. I don't expect it to take right away, but I'd be surprised if in thirty years you're not hearing this before most football matches in the South American country:
Oh, Colombia, sweet motherland
Home to immense hottie Latinas
With sultry eyes and olive skin
And sweet sweet asstatic talent
I know it sound rough in English, but, in the native Spanish, it flows like moist, runny, romantic poetry right into your heart.
I'd like to dedicate this song to Maria Clara Rodriguez, my latest and greatest hottie muse from Colombia, a TV hostess on some such silly gossip show, Sweet, who recently agreed to flash her ridiculously sexy body for our friends at Soho magazine this month, I'm certain, much to the delight of her countrymen (and some of your country-women too, we know you girls love some girls too). What can be said about Maria Clara Rodriguez ought not be said in polite company, but, good news, I am composing another brilliant song about her wet top and fantastic boobtastic that ought be completed by the end of this year. Enjoy.