Lauren Stoner

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Camouflage colored bikinis might hide you from the lesser telescope savvy man, but not from the all-seeing eye of Egotastic! Not when you have a thong booty quite as perfect as Lauren Stoner. The Miami model thought maybe the blend-in colored bikini would keep our ogling eyes off her perfect bikini body. No chance. She’d need stealth technology not yet invented or admitted to by the military before that were to happen.

Lauren has been putting on something of an incredible show this week in Miami, throwing her own hat and every fine female part below, into the ring of finest female form on the beach in South Florida. The competition is beyond rough, it’s downright cutthroat. I can only wait for the time it transitions into cut-bikini strings. That will be amazing. For now, I’m quite content with Lauren’s keester in camouflage. It’s what you call solid. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews/Splash

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If it’s your birthday and you’re wicked hot bodied you kind of owe it to yourself and the world to show off your tight hiney on the beach in Miami. Okay, so maybe Lauren Stoner does this most days of the year already, but only on her birthday will she not have me arrested for a birthday spanking on the bikini bottom. I’m very committed to the old customs.

Lauren is quite the regular bar setter for the hottest bikini bodies in Miami. A regularly present tall slender statuesque blonde with a booty that you could bounce a nickel off of, though I’d recommend at least a silver dollar if you want to be noticed. Happy Birthday, Lauren. I hope my present got to your mailbox in time, I know sometimes the U.S.P.S. slaps a quarantine label on such gifts and has it burned in hazmat safety incinerators. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash

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Lauren Stoner has long since moved on from Michael Bay and has some new boyfriend, but what hasn’t changed is her long and lean killer bikini body completed with that ripe tight tush that makes her identifiable by even the casual gentleman ogler from behind at ten to twenty paces.

Lauren is a veteran model and reality show something or other from the area. She’s not going to let the stiff competition of outsiders flooding Miami Beach in their itty bitty bikinis topple her local pride crown. Come and get it, if you can, must be Lauren’s motto as she preens and struts across the beach knowing she’s got title like skills covered only by two tiny pieces of cloth. This South FLorida bikini Thunderdome just keeps getting better and better. Many lives may be lost, and I’m referring now mostly to the chronic fappers. So much good stuff this time of year! Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlyNet / Splash News

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Yep, it’s bikini peeking party time as Lauren Stoner and her tight body hit the sun shining beach in Miami for a little show and go. Well, she mostly showed, then I had to go excuse myself to take an important call in a private place where nobody could hear me whimper.

The South Florida model and occasional reality TV attendee most definitely attends to the needs of the gentleman oglers in her little bikinis of various bright and colorful design, just on the off chance you don’t catch her toned thumper or glistening boobtastic strutting by you on the beach from your sandy upturned perch. She has some serious skills and I am more than ready to be schooled in the art of the drool. Teacher teacher what can you teach me. Enjoy.

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If we were picking teams, I’d probably pick Lauren Stoner for my side pretty early on. Especially if we were skins instead of shirts. Her bikini body continues to dazzle me as it does all who gaze upon it on the beaches of Miami where Lauren routinely takes her fine female form for walks. She maybe doesn’t get as much attention as some of the magazine cover girls and international models who grace those same sands with their feet I desperately want to pedicure, but Lauren is definitely on the same ridiculously hot body levels.

Someday I’m going to head to Miami with nothing but my camera, and, naturally, my French designed X-Small Speedo. Maybe not the Speedo so much. I really do need start capturing some of these images for myself. Get those angles that maybe the paparazzi on the beach feel a little ashamed to be taking. I have no shame so I’d be perfect for the task. Enjoy.

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Now that everybody and their mother are legally smoking pot, it’s not nearly as cool as it used to be. In fact, people aren’t even smoking any more, they’re vaporizing in their suits at their corporate jobs. How un-rebel is that? Let’s be honest, making stuffing normal and legal makes it kind of boring. I still love a beer, but it never tasted better than when you had to convince somebody’s older brother or the guy in the alley way to buy it for you. There’s pleasure in the effort.  And speaking of pleasure in the effort, hot bikini bodied Lauren Stoner did whip out her green bikini for the annual April 20th herbalists day of celebration, When you’re name is Stoner, you can’t exactly escape this particular holiday, even in Florida which will probably be the single last state in the nation to make the dank lawful.

I’d invite Lauren Stoner to every beach party I ever hosted. Also, I’d invite nobody else. When she shows up I’ll pretend everybody else is just really late. I’ll also pretend I’m not staring directly at her hot booty and bikini body. I will fail on both fronts, but for five minutes, it’ll be the best party I ever threw. Enjoy