Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart Is Leggy and Super High for Cecil B. DeMille Award Announcements

Okay, far be it for the half-baked and otherwise stoney work crew at Egotastic! (it’s all medicinal use I shall swear in court) to judge any others for their intake of the stank, but, man, oh, man, did Kristen Stewart look like she had been hot-boxing in her limo on the way to the Cecil B. Demille Award nominations in Beverly Hills.

Perhaps it’s not well-publicized, but weed flows through celebrity circles faster than even Botox or Viagra, and it does grow in the ground, unlike those latter two, so there’s no Reefer madness shock when celebs look a little faded when out and about, but, K-Stew, she has a glassy-eyed look of her own that might require sunglasses if she doesn’t want a lecture from her parents when she gets home.

Otherwise and inclusive, Kristen is looking rather good again since she convinced her vampy boyfriend that her Snow White director never got her whole hog. Enjoy.

Kristen Stewart Breaking Dawn 2 Press Conference Photoshoot

Kristen Stewart Topless Bedroom Scene Flashes Her Bare Pitstops ‘On The Road’

Click to See Uncensored

Hey, look it’s Kristen Stewart, or K-Stew as we like to call her, or ooom moomph snargle muff foom as director Rupert Sanders liked to call her on set of Snow White and The Huntsman as he went down to emo-oyster town.

Either way, hey, it’s Kristen Stewart topless in her bedroom scene from her indie film On the Road. And, yes, angry at the world or not, we still think K-Stew is pretty hot and when we get to see her topless finally, well, like most girls, we find her even prettier. It’s just the way men see faces, err, bodies. We don’t blame Rupert for taking a dive. His wife might disagree. Enjoy.

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Kristen Stewart Looking Hot in Paris While Claiming ‘I Never Had Sex With that Director’

Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive poor Robert Pattinson.

Our friends at RadarOnline are reporting that Kristen Stewart is adamant about the fact that she ‘never has sex with’ her Snow White director, Rupert Sanders, or so she plead with super emo boyfriend Robert to save their special thing. Now, it’s quite likely Kristen is using the Bill Clinton parsing here to come hardly clean, but apparently she’s letting Robert listen to all her voicemails and read all her emails to prove her case. All in all, this is one of the lamest cheating scandals ever. So much less fun with super sensitive young crybaby actors.

Nevertheless, Kristen Stewart continues to put on a brave, if not eternally pissed off face, yet, still looking hot flashing her legs and some skin out to dinner in Paris last night. I mean, c’mon, there’s relationship repairing and then there’s looking good for the cameras, and/or your director when he’s going downtown on your lady nest in the front seat of a car. But, I’d really need to listen to all the voicemails to know if that was sex or not. Enjoy.

Somebody Call in Rupert’s Calming Tongue! Kristen Stewart Is Stinking Angry Again

Kristen Stewart made quite an exit from Toronto over the weekend.

No doubt pissed off from all the lingering questions about her cunning linguist seshes with Snow White director Rupert Sanders, Kristen Stewart couldn’t wait to get the eff out of Canada (hey, that we can relate to), so much so she donned her old flame Robert Pattinson’s grungy Orioles baseball cap and shouted at her own bodyguard ‘don’t fucking touch me’ as he tried to escort her through the swarms of paparazzi waiting for Kristen at the airport.

Now, I’m no Dr. Phil, but I think this young lady is having some closure issues with the relationships in her life. The kind of closure issues that will ultimately lead her to probably punch a reporter in the shnozz at some point soon. That will make us giggle. Enjoy.

12 Pictures of Kristen Stewart Where She Might Be Receiving Oral Pleasure from Rupert Sanders

Is this a stretch? It’s a total stretch, especially given that we can actually see director and cavorting cunnulinguist Rupert Sanders in several of these pictures, but these are photos where we imagine from the look on her face that Kristen Stewart might be in the midst of an oil change on her chassis.

Wives of the world, look out, if you see this look on Kristen’s face, go ask your husband why he keeps fine-tuning his choppers with a toothpick. Enjoy.

Kristen Stewart Isn’t an Immortal Romantic, She Killed True Love For Everyone!

Suck On This, Twilight Fans!

Kristen Stewart’s infidelity means only one thing: true love is dead. Yup, we’re calling it folks. The concept that love is a real, lasting, and eternal thing is no more. True love has been on life support for a while, but now horse-faced Kristen Stewart pulled the plug. You may love your girlfriend or spouse now, but sooner or later she is just going to cheat on you with a middle aged director. Poor Robert Pattinson can’t even get out of bed to spends hours gelling his hair to make it look like he never got out of bed.

Kristen Stewart and Twilight once made girls, unsatisfied middle-aged women, and pasty teen boy fetishists everywhere think that it was possible to meet your soul mate. Sure, they may be a whiny emo supernatural creature who constantly puts your life in danger. Yes, they may act like creepy stalkers that sneak into your room and watch you sleep, but the love was real! It doesn’t matter if you have a terminal case of man jaw and a constantly bored expression on your flat face, they love you anyway. Now we all know it was all just a lie. “Inconstancy, thy name is Stewart!” If love isn’t real, then what’s the point of living? We might as well all just become hedonists that sleep with whatever vampire, werewolf, or shape shifter comes our way. In other words: Twilight is dead, long live True Blood!