Spring is finally here. Personally, that means I’m stuck inside for fear of being allergic to everything that is bright and colorful and trying to reproduce by means of the jet stream. Luckily for me, our good friends at Mr. Skin have put together a wonderful trio of home-viewing celebrity skin options for my Bubble Boy lifestyle.
This week’s Mr. Skin Minute includes Kristen Stewart in her first ever true topless moments giving handies in On The Road, currently available On Demand, Leslie Mann flashing her bare udders in This is 40, if you believe her side of the story that is, and Ashley Judd in the way back machine showing off her amazing body in 1997’s Norma Jean and Marilyn. It’s not just good, it’s great. Enjoy.
(And do not forget to sign up for your discounted Mr. Skin membership to see, oh, one billion images of celebrity skin on screen.)
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Kristen Stewart is a girl we’d love to dismiss. Between the angry-emo-rich-girl stank eyes, the fingers to the cameras, the angry rants about wanting to be left alone while seeking our public fame and fortune, not to mention letting her movie director clean the fur on her kunffle bunny and making Robert Pattinson cry into his goblet of chocolate milk, there’s a lot of ways to mock Kristen Stewart.
And, yet, we can not deny she remains one fine looking celebrities. Featured in the current edition of V magazine, Kristen shows why we, let alone any man, puts up with her spoiled girl antics — she’s just downright sextastic when she turns on the feminine charms — and there’s little defense in life against this dark art. Let’s face it, we are inclined to look the other way on many flaws of attractive women. Fair? No. Nature’s way? Absolutely. No sense in fighting the tide. Enjoy.
I’ll say this for Twilight, it’s definitely created some good in this world, like a emo-cheating thespianic Kristen Stewart who we really want to not like so much, but she is just simply getting better and better looking and it’s raising all types of conundrums for us, moral dilemmas if you will, things we rarely have to contemplate.
Like, it is okay to lust a girl you always want to donkey punch? These are the big questions of our age that we struggle with here at Egotastic! so that you don’t have to in the comfort of your own cubby. We can handle the truth. And, donkey punching K-Stew. Enjoy.
We’re knee deep into Twilight fever here at this Egotastic! office this week, meaning, that if we find out anybody went to go see Twilight over this weekend, we have threatened to put them in the hotbox we normally reserve for any of our underaged Myanmar tech work force who find themselves temporarily unmotivated to work their 18-hour shift.
That being said, not all thing Twilight are offensive, namely, Kristen Stewart who is featured quite topless in her infamous dual handy scene from On The Road in this week’s Mr. Skin Minute, along with a quite topless and faptastic Monica Bellucci, and a series of topless babes from the Entourage series, including Sasha Grey and Malin Akerman. It’s all good. No goofy vampire lore required. Enjoy.
(And do not forget your Mr. Skin discounted annual membership. It’s the best gift you can give yourself this holiday.if you happen to dig super hot celebrities all kinds of nekkid onscreen.)
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We always look beyond the obvious here at Egotastic!, mostly just because we’re too slow to pick up on the obvious often, but also because we have been gifted with superhuman powers, such as the ability to drink on the job without it affecting our speling, also the ability to read into the minds of emo thespianics like Kristen Stewart, who wore a sort of sextastic Morticia dress to the premiere of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part Way Too Many in London.
Now, not saying we don’t appreciate a dress that shows off like Kristen’s did on the red carpet, but we’re also saying that our third eye sees all, and Kristen is subtly letting her foppish boyfriend know that when she let the Snow White director dive down upon her clam, well, that entire experience is now dead to her. Book it. Enjoy.
I’m told this is the end of the Twilight Saga, the pornucopia of cinematic fare that has stimulated the libidinal parts of the fairer gender, young and old, with its incredibly romantic vision of Goth vampires from the Pacific Northwest, like so many flannel-clad vegan protestors outside a Starbucks, thirsty for blood, or, pumpkin-spiced lattes.
While it’s easy to mock the craptastic vamp trail that has been Twilight, there’s no doubt that the film series has introduced us to a treasure trove of hotties, for whom we are thankful in this giving of thanks season, and many of whom were in attendance at the L.A. premiere of the Breaking Dawn 2 finale last night, including Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, and Kristen Stewart, who along with Ashley Tisdale and Teresa Palmer, stole the show on the big production red carpet. Looking at all these lovely ladies it wasn’t hard to imagine a little serious sucking going on. Enjoy.