Kourtney Kardashian

Kardashian Family Bikini Candids (And They’re All Free, Kris May Die)

If you knew how much money The Kardashians command for their staged bikini vacation photosets, well, you’d drop a load right in your shorts, quickly clean up, and go hit some kind of Occupy Calabasas movement outside the Kardashian compound. But, today, the Kardashian girls done got caught candidly in their bikinis by way of telescopic lens without earning a cent. Don’t think Kris Jenner didn’t call an emergency strategy session with her top lieutenants to figure out this breach of possible money making opportunities.

But, the upshot for us, long distance candids of Kim Kardashian and her mega asstastic, a preggo Kourtney Kardashian, and some bikini shots of the NextGen Jenners, Kylie Jenner and Kendall Jenner, all shot from a treeline in the Dominican Republic somehow missed by the Kardashian advanced security team. And we could not be more pleased. Enjoy.

The Kardashian Sisters Launch Their Sears Swimsuit Line — All Hail the Airbrush!

Come on now, this is just getting out of hand. I’m willing to accept the fact that some women out there go to Sears to buy their lingerie and swimsuits. Just because it’s where I buy the tools I never use but make me feel manly, and it’s where my buddy Stephano buys the lawn seed for the grass he illegally maintains for the woman he’s been stalking now for eight months, that doesn’t mean it’s not a great store for purchasing female intimate clothing.

And I’m also willing to accept the fact that some ladies out there see the Kardashian sisters as role models, heck, 60% of people in this country believe in ghosts, and 40% think a Big Mac with a diet coke makes you skinny, there’s no accounting for certain beliefs.

But what I simply do not believe, no way, no how, is that the Kardashian girls have 26-inch waists.

I’m surprised the air-brushers in the ad office didnt’ run out of air when fixing up these three money-making merchandising machines.

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian Sears Lingerie Ad Wins First Prize at Air Brushing Awards

It’s not that the Kardashian sisters, the elder sisters I mean, and not all of them exactly or precisely, but the two that you can’t hear coming toward you from twenty clicks away, not that they aren’t kind of hot.

In fact, if you could afford them, you’d be the unmarried dad of their bastard kids or cuckolded purse carrying show piece husband likely as well. But the fact is, c’mon, now, Sears, the place where I do buy all my power tools and intimate lingerie items, let’s be real about this air-brushing thing.

If the girls can’t be slim and trim naturally through their amphetamine riddled diet powder brand, then drop the air-brushers back in the ad graphics department, or at least put them on some restrictions because this toning and shaping by way of Photoshop business is just kind of silly. Enjoy.

Heidi Klum and Bar Refaeli Play Grab-Ass at Hottie Filled Elton John Oscar Viewing Party

Well, if it wasn’t considered one of the more sensational Academy Award parties before, then certainly the annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party is now officially on the Egotastic! map, thanks to supermodels Heidi Klum and Bar Refaeli getting a bit frisky with each other at the party. In fact, the newly single Heidi Klum looked to be having herself one heck of a  good time, though mostly with the other ladies, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Throw in an ever hot Brooklyn Decker, all grow’d up Winnie Cooper, Danica McKellar, blue-haired newly divorced Katy Perry, a pregnant hot Alessandra Ambrosio, and, yes, even Kim Kardashian and Kourtney Kardashian, and, well, you have an Elton John party just packed with major league boobtastic. Enjoy.

Kourtney Kardashian Is Having a Girl; Fetus Already Signed to Strips in Vegas Nightclub

It was big news across the IQ scale today where people care about the intimate details of Kourtney Kardashian and her life of insipid snippets of shopping and love life obstacles. It’s a girl baby for the littlest Kardashian she-bot. Which means decades more of femme-pimping by Kris Jenner. Expect soiled diapers to be on sale on Craigslist in about six months.

For those interested in baby and mama, check out the full Kourtney Kardashian reveals she’s having a girl on Celebuzz.

Kourtney Kardashian Is Pregnant, Unmarried, and in a Bikini (and It’s All Kind of Hot)

Now, I’m sure it’s all explained on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, but since I’d rather gnaw on a rusty speculum than be forced to endure one minute of scripted Kardashian reality, I’m not exactly sure why Kourtney’s fay looking boyfriend still hasn’t married her, even though she’s now on their second child. Probably something to do with legal claims to the Kardashian mob fortune, or maybe his blood just isn’t pure prostitutional enough to be considered a full family member, but, either way, I suppose Kourtney Kardashian is still technically a single gal.

And for those of you who revel in the pregnancy process of hot women, well, revel away, as Kourtney’s new shapelier shape is beginning to form, as evidenced in a new set of bikini pictures of the middle pimping sister from down Mexico way.

Check out the full set of Kourtney Kardashian preggo bikini pictures on Celebuzz

The Kardashian Sisters in Glamour; Toot-Toot, the Money Train Keeps Rolling

Okay, we took a little heat last week when we suggested that Kris Jenner ordered the impregnation of Kourtney Kardashian to shift attention away from the muckraking scandal surrounding Kim Kardashian and her divorce slash annulment slash financial scheming. We have absolutely no evidence to support this claim, but you know it certainly sounds plausible.

You simply can not stop this cash generating family corporation or slow down its financial engines. The sisters three (well, three and a half technically if you’re counting Khloe Kardashian by nomadic Arabic horse trading rules) took to the pages of Glamour magazine’s upcoming edition to let the world know they are doing just fine and most definitely open for business. The pictorial also gave somebody in Glamour’s airbrushing department the assignment of the year, but that’s another matter. What’s most important this time of year is family, and through thick and thin, weddings and divorces, pregnancies and the opposite of pregnancies, these girls stick together. So original gangsta. Enjoy.