Khloe Kardashian

You Shall Be Assimilated: The Kardashian Family Christmas Photo

You know that plan you and your friends have in case of zombie attack?

Engage! Now!

(Okay, granted, Pimp Robot Kim is still pretty damn hot. But, pay up, or be assimilated!)

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The Kardashian She-Bots in Pimp Mode Alpha

As you may have read, The Kardashian she-bots were programmed by inventor Kris Jenner with a third appearance mode earlier this summer, DEADPAN SMILE, to complement their factory-furnished animatronic functions of PIMP and FLIRT. And, might I say, it really makes them seem so much more lifelike. Even gargantuan Khloe Kardashian fooled several children into stepping into her kill zone where she was able to consume them in whole with one large contraction of her gaping maw unit.

Fresh off accusations of onerous lending fees and charges associated with their 'KardashianKard' credit card, Kris Jenner rushed the Kardashian she-bots and a new product out to market, 'KardashianKonfidential' (get it with the KKs?) a tell-all biography based upon the false memories implanted in the girls' cranial grids by Kris at the time of their power-on. Apparently, a good portion of the book discusses how Kim Kardashian felt extremely awkward about her body as she was growing up. Of course, it's always tough to be the girl with the biggest boobs in school. FALSE MEMORY. Back to the laboratory for some tinkering methinks. Enjoy.

Photo credit: Fame

Kendall Jenner Barely Escapes Being Devoured By Khloe Kardashian at Burlesque Premiere

Decked out in an entirely age-appropriate skin-tight black leather dress, the taller, leaner, future hotter Kardashian little sister, Kendall Jenner, was kept on guard all night at the Burlesque premiere upon being informed that older half-sister Khloe Kardashian intended to consume her in a fit of jealousy before the evening's end. Various unnamed sources claim to have seen Khloe toting salt and pepper shakers and mumbling like the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil as she prepared a pot o' boil for the dark demise of the little sister who remains on a collision course with the vapid empire of the Kardashian robot sister clan.

Updates as warranted.

Photo credit: Fame

1-2-Khloe’s Coming For You

Yes, Mama, I'll eat my vegetables and do my chores!

Photo credit: Fame