Come on now, this is just getting out of hand. I’m willing to accept the fact that some women out there go to Sears to buy their lingerie and swimsuits. Just because it’s where I buy the tools I never use but make me feel manly, and it’s where my buddy Stephano buys the lawn seed for the grass he illegally maintains for the woman he’s been stalking now for eight months, that doesn’t mean it’s not a great store for purchasing female intimate clothing.
And I’m also willing to accept the fact that some ladies out there see the Kardashian sisters as role models, heck, 60% of people in this country believe in ghosts, and 40% think a Big Mac with a diet coke makes you skinny, there’s no accounting for certain beliefs.
But what I simply do not believe, no way, no how, is that the Kardashian girls have 26-inch waists.
I’m surprised the air-brushers in the ad office didnt’ run out of air when fixing up these three money-making merchandising machines.
In a stunning turn of events, just hours after Khloe Kardashian denounced the animals rights group, PETA, for their extreme tactics and relationship to the woman who ‘flour bombed’ her likely half-sister, Kim Kardashian, at a red carpet event last week, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals held their own press conference to announce that it was now okay for people to track, hunt, and snuff out Khloe Kardashian, provided they do so in a humane manner.
For PETA, this represents the first time in the organization’s history they have called for the senseless slaughter of any animal, and to drive home their point, the organization put out a graphic chart that demonstrated how a family of five people could survive off the harvested meat from Khloe Kardashian for up to three months, four months if they were willing to tackle her bunion covered feet. Also, the total volume of cultivated skin could be fashioned into a tent like structure capable of providing shelter for up to sixty persons. The case is rather compelling.
Updates to follow.
It’s not that the Kardashian sisters, the elder sisters I mean, and not all of them exactly or precisely, but the two that you can’t hear coming toward you from twenty clicks away, not that they aren’t kind of hot.
In fact, if you could afford them, you’d be the unmarried dad of their bastard kids or cuckolded purse carrying show piece husband likely as well. But the fact is, c’mon, now, Sears, the place where I do buy all my power tools and intimate lingerie items, let’s be real about this air-brushing thing.
If the girls can’t be slim and trim naturally through their amphetamine riddled diet powder brand, then drop the air-brushers back in the ad graphics department, or at least put them on some restrictions because this toning and shaping by way of Photoshop business is just kind of silly. Enjoy.
You know what a dream it is for us when the hot celebrities start taking skin-filled photos of themselves to send around the world-wide digisphere, it’s like half of our naughty-filled jobs being done for us. And who doesn’t love when the likes of Kate Upton and Kim Kardashian give you half a job? Just kidding, the latter at least would charge you a fortune.
But Kate, and Kim, and Aubrey O’Day, Nina Agdal, Arianny Celeste, Georgia Salpa, Jessica Alba, Courtney Stodden, and the other Kardashians and Jenner girls all obliged us with hot Twitpics this week. And, for this, we give thanks. Check them out, and, enjoy.
Is Khloe Kardashian even a Kardashian? (HuffPo)
Pippa Middleton in tight, pink pants. (GossipCenter)
Courtney Stodden, internet celeb of the year? (FoxNews)
Miss California lesbionics. (TMZ)
Salma Hayek cleavage peek. (Popoholic)
These ladies need to be found. (TheChive)
Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner Instagrams. (Celebuzz)
Okay, we took a little heat last week when we suggested that Kris Jenner ordered the impregnation of Kourtney Kardashian to shift attention away from the muckraking scandal surrounding Kim Kardashian and her divorce slash annulment slash financial scheming. We have absolutely no evidence to support this claim, but you know it certainly sounds plausible.
You simply can not stop this cash generating family corporation or slow down its financial engines. The sisters three (well, three and a half technically if you’re counting Khloe Kardashian by nomadic Arabic horse trading rules) took to the pages of Glamour magazine’s upcoming edition to let the world know they are doing just fine and most definitely open for business. The pictorial also gave somebody in Glamour’s airbrushing department the assignment of the year, but that’s another matter. What’s most important this time of year is family, and through thick and thin, weddings and divorces, pregnancies and the opposite of pregnancies, these girls stick together. So original gangsta. Enjoy.