Now, we normally don’t share social media pictures until our big roundup on Thursdays. But these simply could not wait. Not when puppet master Kris Jenner takes her girls and some very showy cut designer dresses to the beach for family showoff for the cameras time. This may be right, this may be oh so wrong, but this is definitely happening. It’s like the Christmas shopping season. You can dread it every year, but it’s still coming.
Kylie Jenner and Kendall Jenner were in dresses so revealing that Puritans from the 17th century nearly resurrected to cover them in scarlet letters. I suppose that was part of the Kris Jenner plan. Along with highlighting Kim Kardashian and her post-baby figure, Khloe Kardashian and her, well, body thing. Surprisingly, it seems that Kourtney Kardashian was missing from the shoot. Or maybe not so surprisingly as she’s always been called the smart one in the family. Enjoy.
I’m not sure if this is a ploy to get her cheating husband back on track or merely an attempt by her Spanx contained body to free itself from its unearthly constraints, but the camel toe of Khloe Kardashian was busting out all over the place in Calabasas yesterday as the younger Kardashian sister strode about in tight white jeans. I mean, it was something to behold. Hide the women and children so I can get an even clearer view.
I guess you can say when a woman pouts she pouts all over. I mean, I wouldn’t say that in front of a woman because I don’t need to have my ass kicked by yet another member of the fairer sex. But, suffice it to say, Khloe seems to have a lot of emotions swelling up inside of her. And not much room in her jeans to express them all. Enjoy.
Who knows how these insidious intra-family arrangements come about, but somehow Khloe Kardashian, the reportedly illegitimate daughter of Kris Jenner by way of somebody who Kris Jenner mounted in her Brentwood social circle in the late 80′s, and Mason Disick, the few year old son of Kourtney Kardashian and her unwed poofster boyfriend, Scott Disick, have come to an understanding of mutual interest.
For his part, Mason, who overhears tons of shit, promises to keep safe the secret of Aunt Khloe’s true paternal heritage (but let’s just say he once ran for 2,000 years in a single season in the NFL), Aunt Khloe meanwhile promised to give the little boy what all little boys want, a sweet view of some dangling funbags, not quite milky, but definitely the foremost body part of his gangly-sized auntie.
Hey, in the world of Kardashian, it’s all about the deal. And this one seems win-win. Enjoy.
Come on now, this is just getting out of hand. I’m willing to accept the fact that some women out there go to Sears to buy their lingerie and swimsuits. Just because it’s where I buy the tools I never use but make me feel manly, and it’s where my buddy Stephano buys the lawn seed for the grass he illegally maintains for the woman he’s been stalking now for eight months, that doesn’t mean it’s not a great store for purchasing female intimate clothing.
And I’m also willing to accept the fact that some ladies out there see the Kardashian sisters as role models, heck, 60% of people in this country believe in ghosts, and 40% think a Big Mac with a diet coke makes you skinny, there’s no accounting for certain beliefs.
But what I simply do not believe, no way, no how, is that the Kardashian girls have 26-inch waists.
I’m surprised the air-brushers in the ad office didnt’ run out of air when fixing up these three money-making merchandising machines.
In a stunning turn of events, just hours after Khloe Kardashian denounced the animals rights group, PETA, for their extreme tactics and relationship to the woman who ‘flour bombed’ her likely half-sister, Kim Kardashian, at a red carpet event last week, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals held their own press conference to announce that it was now okay for people to track, hunt, and snuff out Khloe Kardashian, provided they do so in a humane manner.
For PETA, this represents the first time in the organization’s history they have called for the senseless slaughter of any animal, and to drive home their point, the organization put out a graphic chart that demonstrated how a family of five people could survive off the harvested meat from Khloe Kardashian for up to three months, four months if they were willing to tackle her bunion covered feet. Also, the total volume of cultivated skin could be fashioned into a tent like structure capable of providing shelter for up to sixty persons. The case is rather compelling.
Updates to follow.
It’s not that the Kardashian sisters, the elder sisters I mean, and not all of them exactly or precisely, but the two that you can’t hear coming toward you from twenty clicks away, not that they aren’t kind of hot.
In fact, if you could afford them, you’d be the unmarried dad of their bastard kids or cuckolded purse carrying show piece husband likely as well. But the fact is, c’mon, now, Sears, the place where I do buy all my power tools and intimate lingerie items, let’s be real about this air-brushing thing.
If the girls can’t be slim and trim naturally through their amphetamine riddled diet powder brand, then drop the air-brushers back in the ad graphics department, or at least put them on some restrictions because this toning and shaping by way of Photoshop business is just kind of silly. Enjoy.