Jordan Carver

Jordan Carver And Her Titanic Twosome Put the Mmmm in Modern Dance

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Don't think we'd forget today was humpday, the magical middle of the workweek when only a fine set of knockers will liberate your inner soul.

While not baring her bounty fully, as it her teasy want, Jordan Carver and her amazingly awesome funbags still manage to captivate the gentleman ogler audience while sort of kind of dressed. And stretching for dance class, well, that is just downright genius. I want to kiss the photographer, you know, right after kissing Jordan on the place where Mother Nature has provided for nourishment. Yes, I do need help. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Eats Sausage, ‘Nuff Said

Jordan Carver can't not be sexy; everything she does is pretty damn hot. But when she starts scarfing down a large sausage, well, the libido levels are going to hit mission critical.

Ever since the boobtastic wonder moved to Los Angeles, I've been dying to have an accidental run in with her mountains of mammarial mmmm, who knew that she'd be at the brau suckling on a brat? I guess you can't take the German out of the German girl after all. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Bikini Pictures Can’t Stop Looking Ridiculously Hot

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Sometimes I start leering into the fabulous funbags of Jordan Carver and the next thing I notice is that the clock on the wall has advanced four hours and my neck hurts something awful. It's the strangest phenomenon. There's something magical about those full-sized flesh puppies of hers, some mystical and alluring Siren call built within, to crash men's libidos upon the rocky shores of reality, but not before a solid bit of imagination fun time.

In her recent Moroccan themed green bikini pictures, Jordan Carver once again manages to cover her ginormous melons with just her bitty hands, an incredibly dexterous feat that I would applaud, were it not for the net effect of covering up her full jugtaculars. Still, just a whole lot of awesome. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver In a Pillow Fight. Not Sure Why. But We’re Sure We Love It.

Here's what we know.

Bodacious boobtastic model Jordan Carver was in Vegas for her birthday and decided to have a pillow fight with Sin City model, Destiny Danger.

That's all we know. And with the words 'Jordan Carver' and 'pillow fight', you don't really ask follow up questions, you just smile, drool, and mouth the words, "May I have some more warm milk please, Mother?' Enjoy.

Jordan Carver and Her Twin Moons Enter Our Planetary Orbit

I knew I felt some type of disturbance in The Force last evening, a gravitational pull upon me staff that could only be explained by the presence of not one, but two new moons in local orbit around the Egotastic! offices, and, indeed, my suspicions were confirmed upon seeing Jordan Carver dining out in Hollywood last evening, her two stellar orbs on bright red cleavetastic display outside Maestro's steakhouse. A juicy bit of red meat indeed.

It's not that I want to stare like a catatonic drooling fool at Jordan's amazingly well-rounded foreground funbags, it's just that it's impossible not to. They're blessed beasts of nature that demand optical attention. Those State Fair blue ribbon melons have caused many a man to suffer horrific kinks in his neck, let alone the kinks in other places. They ought to be registered as lethal weapons; and I'd like to handle the registration process. Oh, dear Jordan, now that you're in town, won't you please please unleash those grandiose puppies. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Tickles the Ivories With Her Baby Grands

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Okay, so maybe bustastic model supreme Jordan Carver can't actually play the piano, but all I hear when I look into her chest her eyes is the sweet dulcet sounds of a symphony perfectly in tune. The strings, the horns, the brass, and most definitely the enormous bass drums, all playing their part in creating the perfect sextastic harmony.

It's not that we're so much in lust with Jordan Carver here as we are just sort of standing and staring in quiet silence, in the manner of a dog with laser beam focus on the treat in his master's hands. If her melons moved left, we'd dart in that direction forthwith. Enjoy.


READER FINDS: Kendall Jenner Stripper Pole, Lea Seydoux Topless, Rihanna Nipple Ring, Lucy Collett Nekkid, and Much More…


The first Reader Finds of 2012, and what a way to kick it off. Our best-on-the-net viewers have joined forces like the Wonder Twins activating to present a cornucopia of celebrity T&A the likes of which exists nowhere else in cyberspace. This is exactly why the Internet was invented.

Today's Reader Finds includes an unexpected twist of young Kendall Jenner on the stripper pole, a topless pic of current Mission Impossible hottie, Lea Seydoux, as anticipated, another hot set of Page 3 Idol Winner Lucy Collett nekkid, Sara Jean Underwood without any clothes, a shot of what looks to be Rihanna with a new nipple ring, hot Euro model Nina Restic topless on her balcony, Lara Bingle in a sexy bikini swimsuit photoshoot, Teri Hatcher in a classic Lois upskirt, and Johanna Lundback in more see-through lingerie. Quite a collection indeed.