Jordan Carver

Jordan Carver Plays Cleavetastic Easter Bunny; We Feel Our Chocolate Eggs Melting

By Bill Swift | April 5, 2012 @ 12:09 pm

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Happy early Good Friday to you. And happy cleavetastic Jordan Carver looking like the hottest Easter Egg hunt mom ever in her vernal photoshoot. Tis the season to be bountiful, and Jordan Carver has at least two cornucopias of solid fecund goodness quite bouncy as she hops about with her holiday treats.

I'm not prepared to call Easter the sexiest holiday on the calendar; even such a thought would have earned me some welts in the rectory area as a child, but when the hot girls start donning their Easter fineries for the special weekend, we here at Egotastic! can't resist imagining a little Easter Bunny furry cosplay. Yes, Jordan, that is my carrot and it's damn glad to meet you. Enjoy.

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Jordan Carver Sexy Cowgirl Pictures Put The Funbags Out to Pasture

By Bill Swift | March 20, 2012 @ 12:22 pm

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

The hat seems unnecessary, but I am completely down with the rest of cosplay extraordinaire Jordan Carver and her never ending quest to bring her ginormous bosom to bear in any number of classic pictorial cliches. It's like she has her own Sears Portrait Studio, but just for adults. I'd love to be the camera man with the hand puppet making her smile, and I don't mean by making silly voices with the hand puppet.

Oh, Jordan, you are the two glorious gifts that keep on giving. Enjoy.

'MEMBER WHEN MILA KUNIS PLAYED SEXY COWGIRL?
7 Photos »
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Jordan Carver Bodacious Ta-Tas Need Roadside Assistance

By Bill Swift | March 14, 2012 @ 9:31 am

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Even the thumb on Jordan Carver is pretty damn hot.

Imagine our lust-filled surprise to see the curvaceous maximum model showing up in only one of our all-time favorite R.E.M. sleep fantasies involving a hot girl, an undersized bikini top, and our ever reliable Japanese compact car coming to her rescue, for which their will be much naughty roadside motel making of the sexy, or in the case of Jordan Carver, making of the bouncing sexy.

One thumb, two guns, this girl won't be stranded long. Enjoy.

JORDAN CARVER MAINTAINS HER BODY LIKE A SWISS WATCH WITH BIG JUGS
Jordan Carver Does Yoga in the Park
Jordan Carver Does Yoga in the Park
Jordan Carver Does Yoga in the Park
Jordan Carver Does Yoga in the Park
Jordan Carver Does Yoga in the Park
Jordan Carver Does Yoga in the Park
13 Photos »
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Jordan Carver Has Something Cooking In Her Kitchen

By Bill Swift | March 8, 2012 @ 12:07 pm

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

There's something special about Jordan Carver. Well, yes, two things very special, but, beyond that, she just has this certain 'it' quality that makes her standout from the hordes and hordes of other 34H hotties walking the streets.

In her 'Good Morning, Sweetheart' kitchen photoshoot, Jordan plays the role of sexy minx in the cooking area, with just an apron and some carefully guided camera angles keeping us from seeing her full cookies and dough. But might we add, the two tablespoons of asstastic is a wonderful addition to the standard two heaping cups of Jordan Carver pie. It all looks delicious to me. Bon appetit.

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Jordan Carver Part Deux: Covered Topless Angel in Our Outfield

By Bill Swift | March 2, 2012 @ 12:03 pm

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Hah, you didn't think we'd end this Friday without a TGIF, not that we haven't seen some amazing tube tops today, but doubling up on Jordan Carver today seems like the perfectly appropriate way to celebrate the end of the work week, or smokes day for my Uncle Titomish who remains locked up for crimes against cats.

Jordan Carver is simply put -- delicious. Her amazing udders evoke a strong sense of 'Mommy" that innately touches each and every one of us deep in our primeval survival lobes, at least, I think that's what I feel touching me. I dare any man to ogle Jordan Carver and not feel a comforting warm smile overtaking his mug. It's just not possible.

Even if you're not an Angels fan in the least, just imagine Jordan in your own team's gear if that helps, and smile smile smile. Oh, and enjoy.

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Jordan Carver Playing Tennis (Is That a Threesome?)

By Bill Swift | March 2, 2012 @ 11:16 am
Ali Larter Tennis Sexy
Ali Larter Plays Tennis
Our Previous Tennis Favorite Hottie. 9 Photos »

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Call it 34H to Love score wise, because the moment we saw Jordan Carver playing tennis, well, our fuzzy balls got to bouncing.

Our very favorite double slice of Bavarian tennis took the bold move of engaging in a sport that requires sudden bursts or speed, agile shifts and turns, and downright jiggle-generating twists that when combined with her low cut top (and I suppose all tops are low-cut on Jordan Carver just be sheer force of gravity), created a sports spectacle somewhere between The Olympics and the legendary 23-hour Beerpong match that took place in my friend Vinny Vinnucci's basement one summer's day not too many years ago. Right dab in the middle of that spectrum I'd say.

There's really nothing Jordan Carver can do that is not ridiculously hot to watch. But tennis? This is just downright genius. Enjoy.

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Jordan Carver Unleashes Her Barely Covered Beasts in Zoo Magazine

By Bill Swift | February 29, 2012 @ 8:57 am
Racktacular!
Jordan Carver in February's Zoo Magazine
Jordan Carver in February's Zoo Magazine
Jordan Carver in February's Zoo Magazine
Jordan Carver in February's Zoo Magazine
View the Gallery / 4 Photos »

To say we want to dive into Jordan Carver and her billowy H-cups of love and take a dirty long nap is perhaps an understatement, it's also rather crude, as Jordan is no doubt all lady and deserving of being treated properly. And, proper treatment in our book would call for an all over sponge bathing of the German model prior to said diving.

Jordan presents her ponderous pears in this month's Zoo magazine, wherein the Bavarian bombshell provides readers as well with some solid advice for dealing with big chested ladies in the bedroom, pearls such as 'do not try to pretend that massive boobs are the most normal thing in the world' and most important of all, 'just because she's well-endowed, don't assume you're going to get Spanish sex'. Words to live by indeed. And some fine pictures to ogle by. Sehr gut.

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