Jordan Carver

Jordan Carver Brings Her Double Cannons To Bear for XXL Bra Pimping

Who you gonna call? Brabusters!

Hey, when you're a company selling bras for ladies with mongo funbags, you've got to find the model who can fill the role, as it were. And nobody pimps the boobtastic gigantastic quite like German model Jordan Carver, who's two chestal buoys are not only fully-functional life preservers, they're life enhancers. At least, they're enhancing my life just from the site of them.

Now, we here at Egotastic! are equal opportunity chest puppy oglers. We do not play favorites. But let's just say if we're falling off of a ten story building, we're praying for the curves of Jordan Carver to be coincidentally walking below. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Shows You How To Be Nice to Trees

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;

I'm not sure the poet Joyce Kilmer had in mind precisely what boobtastic model Jordan Carver is doing to that mighty oak when he penned his famous 'Trees' poem, but I do have a sneaking suspicion that if he were alive today, he'd be checking out Jordan on Egotastic! getting her covered topless hotness game on with a tree as pat of her ode to summer sunsets bikini hotness pictorial.

Now, I'm not saying I'm jealous of a tree, but what I can say from looking at these arboreal beach wonderment photos of the mighty chesty Jordan Carver is that that is most definitely not sap leaking from my trunk. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Holds Herself So You Don’t Have to in Black Lingerie Visual Treat

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Well, we know Jordan Carver does not like revealing herself fully, but we do know she likes to tease the heck out of the males of the species with her enormous globes, some very sexy outfits, a striptease down to the hand-bra, and a whole lot of skin. I know there comes a point at which we must demand to see it all, in fact, my 837 IMs to Jordan with nothing but the words, 'Show Us Your Boobies' ought to testify to my own desire on that front, and I suspect, at some point, this will happen. But, for the moment, I have to consider the wishes of the lady to bare almost all, but not all of her bodacious form as in this black lingerie masterpiece from Jordan's own collection.

It is possible she just really really loves to hold her own thunderous flesh puppies. I know I would. I really wood, err, would. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver, A Horse, And Very Little Clothing: It’s Like My Dream Bachelor Party

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Should some lucky young lass (with family money and low to moderately low self-esteem) ever convince my hand in marriage, I do plan to blow it out big time with the bachelor party, if not just for the cliche value, but for the opportunity to take my final ride on the roller coaster with the sign that says, 'No Married Men Allowed'. And it might involve farm animals.

Now PETA, please, hold your horses, as it were. I'm not suggesting any type of Leviticus-busting interaction of the species, but if you've ever been to Don Pedro's Backroom in Tijuana, you have a deep appreciation for what happens when the working girls start working at the circus.

But enough about my own demented life, for this spectacular pictorial of the busty and boobtastic Jordan Carver making a leering horse all kinds of happy as she slowly stripped off her undersized top for a little handbra action, well, it kind of made me see the positive side of animal husbandry. For even beast in the field knows the site of some amazing HH chest puppies when he sees them, and can a solid mounting be far behind? Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Boobtastic Trophy Wife Swimsuit Hotness

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

When I was a kid growing up, we boys used to sneak around to the estate home that lied somewhere at the end of town, yes, our town had an actual end, and it was basically marked by the beginning of cars without Bondo holding them together, that's when you knew the beginning of the nicer neighboring town was beginning. But somehow this estate home got on the wrong side of the tracks, but on the right of our lust-filled pubescent hearts as it was home to the truly MILFtastic Ms. Danmeyer, whose daily routine consisted of half-dressing in Olivia Newton John 80's inspired get ups and sweating to the oldies on her patio where we could see her bodacious body from our hidden perch up on the elm tree outside her home. We bought some Twinkies and some warm  3.2 % beer up that elm and just made a day out of it.

I can't help but remember the tantalizing Ms. Danmeyer when peering at Jordan Carver in her 'rich bitch' pictorial, featuring the ridiculously well-endowed Jordan in the role of the bodacious and saucy trophy wife, flashing her body as she sips expensive champagne poolside. I'm quite certain Jordan would've made me fall hard from that elm tree, I mean, fall, hard, from that tree, and hurt myself in ways that would be truly embarrassing to repeat in front of even my doctor. But it's be worth it just the same. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Passion Photoshoot Will Surely Cause a Case of Rampant Passion

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

(Thanks to EgoReader 'Ted Wad' (yeah I know) for this Jordan Carver boob-bombtastic photoshoot.)

When you're feeling down and out
Here's a little thing you can do
Check out Jordan Carver's black and whites
And watch your nads transform to blue

I'd like to thank my second grade teacher, Ms. Laplander-Fizz, for inspiring me to pursue my inner-poet. And I'd like to thank these Jordan Carver black and white 'Passion' photoshoot pictures for inspiring me to pursue my inner pervert, which, as it turns out, pays slightly more than inner poet, though either way you end up spending all your dough on booze.

I know some of you out there are incensed that Jordan will not fully reveal her delicious HH-goods. And I'm right there with you. But I'm also in the camp that if I get the Lego Death Star for my birthday, I'm still happy even if the Imperial Interceptor is not included (damn you 7th Birthday miserable fail). Enjoy.

Check Out Jordan Carver Red Bra Hotness Video »

Pamela Anderson and Jordan Carver Join Boobtastic Forces to Pimp Andalo Liquor

It's like watching the master and the apprentice in the world of big round fleshy fun things, as both Pamela Anderson and Jordan Carver took to the stage in Berlin yesterday to promote some campaign or another for Andalo liquor, combining two of my very favorite things in this world, boobtastic and beverages. So many great entertainment options for the oral orifice area.

This must be what it was like to see Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig play on the same team. Just an epic duo. Enjoy.