Jordan Carver

Jordan Carver Holds Herself So You Don’t Have to in Black Lingerie Visual Treat

By Bill Swift | May 24, 2012 @ 2:06 pm

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Well, we know Jordan Carver does not like revealing herself fully, but we do know she likes to tease the heck out of the males of the species with her enormous globes, some very sexy outfits, a striptease down to the hand-bra, and a whole lot of skin. I know there comes a point at which we must demand to see it all, in fact, my 837 IMs to Jordan with nothing but the words, 'Show Us Your Boobies' ought to testify to my own desire on that front, and I suspect, at some point, this will happen. But, for the moment, I have to consider the wishes of the lady to bare almost all, but not all of her bodacious form as in this black lingerie masterpiece from Jordan's own collection.

It is possible she just really really loves to hold her own thunderous flesh puppies. I know I would. I really wood, err, would. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver, A Horse, And Very Little Clothing: It’s Like My Dream Bachelor Party

By Bill Swift | May 11, 2012 @ 11:41 am

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

Should some lucky young lass (with family money and low to moderately low self-esteem) ever convince my hand in marriage, I do plan to blow it out big time with the bachelor party, if not just for the cliche value, but for the opportunity to take my final ride on the roller coaster with the sign that says, 'No Married Men Allowed'. And it might involve farm animals.

Now PETA, please, hold your horses, as it were. I'm not suggesting any type of Leviticus-busting interaction of the species, but if you've ever been to Don Pedro's Backroom in Tijuana, you have a deep appreciation for what happens when the working girls start working at the circus.

But enough about my own demented life, for this spectacular pictorial of the busty and boobtastic Jordan Carver making a leering horse all kinds of happy as she slowly stripped off her undersized top for a little handbra action, well, it kind of made me see the positive side of animal husbandry. For even beast in the field knows the site of some amazing HH chest puppies when he sees them, and can a solid mounting be far behind? Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Boobtastic Trophy Wife Swimsuit Hotness

By Bill Swift | April 27, 2012 @ 11:34 am

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

When I was a kid growing up, we boys used to sneak around to the estate home that lied somewhere at the end of town, yes, our town had an actual end, and it was basically marked by the beginning of cars without Bondo holding them together, that's when you knew the beginning of the nicer neighboring town was beginning. But somehow this estate home got on the wrong side of the tracks, but on the right of our lust-filled pubescent hearts as it was home to the truly MILFtastic Ms. Danmeyer, whose daily routine consisted of half-dressing in Olivia Newton John 80's inspired get ups and sweating to the oldies on her patio where we could see her bodacious body from our hidden perch up on the elm tree outside her home. We bought some Twinkies and some warm 3.2 % beer up that elm and just made a day out of it.

I can't help but remember the tantalizing Ms. Danmeyer when peering at Jordan Carver in her 'rich bitch' pictorial, featuring the ridiculously well-endowed Jordan in the role of the bodacious and saucy trophy wife, flashing her body as she sips expensive champagne poolside. I'm quite certain Jordan would've made me fall hard from that elm tree, I mean, fall, hard, from that tree, and hurt myself in ways that would be truly embarrassing to repeat in front of even my doctor. But it's be worth it just the same. Enjoy.

JORDAN CARVER SWEATS TO MAKE YOU SWEAT

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Jordan Carver Passion Photoshoot Will Surely Cause a Case of Rampant Passion

By Bill Swift | April 24, 2012 @ 11:34 am

Editors note: some or all of the images in this post have been removed at request of JCM.

(Thanks to EgoReader 'Ted Wad' (yeah I know) for this Jordan Carver boob-bombtastic photoshoot.)

When you're feeling down and out
Here's a little thing you can do
Check out Jordan Carver's black and whites
And watch your nads transform to blue

I'd like to thank my second grade teacher, Ms. Laplander-Fizz, for inspiring me to pursue my inner-poet. And I'd like to thank these Jordan Carver black and white 'Passion' photoshoot pictures for inspiring me to pursue my inner pervert, which, as it turns out, pays slightly more than inner poet, though either way you end up spending all your dough on booze.

I know some of you out there are incensed that Jordan will not fully reveal her delicious HH-goods. And I'm right there with you. But I'm also in the camp that if I get the Lego Death Star for my birthday, I'm still happy even if the Imperial Interceptor is not included (damn you 7th Birthday miserable fail). Enjoy.

Check Out Jordan Carver Red Bra Hotness Video »

Pamela Anderson and Jordan Carver Join Boobtastic Forces to Pimp Andalo Liquor

By Bill Swift | April 20, 2012 @ 9:43 am

Jordan Carver Andalo Liquor Presentation in Berlin

Pamela Anderson Andalo Liquor Presentation in Berlin

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It's like watching the master and the apprentice in the world of big round fleshy fun things, as both Pamela Anderson and Jordan Carver took to the stage in Berlin yesterday to promote some campaign or another for Andalo liquor, combining two of my very favorite things in this world, boobtastic and beverages. So many great entertainment options for the oral orifice area.

This must be what it was like to see Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig play on the same team. Just an epic duo. Enjoy.

PAMELA ANDERSON NEVER SHIES AWAY FROM A CHESTAL SHOW

21 Photos »

READER FINDS: Jessie J Nipple Slip, Taylor Momsen Upskirts, Cindy Crawford Topless, and Much Much More…

By Bill Swift | April 13, 2012 @ 10:17 am

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We have arrived at my personal favorite time of the week. No, not Backwashed Fudgesicle Hour at Egotastic! That's not for three more hours yet. But that time each week when we as a community spend our fifth weekday of toil, together in the fields of the sextastic, harvesting the finest that Hottieville has to offer as gleaned by our fabulous readers, the most educated celebrity site readers on the web I might add once more.

This weeks Reader Finds includes a screencapped Jessie J nip slip, a series of Taylor Momsen panties peeks up her concert dress, a classic look back at Cindy Crawford topless on the runway, a second look at the double sets of Silvia Irabien who we saw earlier this week in Playboy, a second look at the now completely bare boobtastic of Monika Pietrasinska who we saw lingerie clad earlier this week, Nicki Minaj being all kinds of Minajesque, German phenom Sophia Thomalla baring her Bavarians, a higher def look at Zoe Saldana in the shower, a bonus leer at Carly Craig topless, and Diane Lane just looking mesmerizing. It's all good, very good.

Humpday Huzzah! Jordan Carver Tangled Up in Bloobs

By Bill Swift | April 11, 2012 @ 12:44 pm

What work week is not an effin' grind, I ask you. They all are, but this Spring week feels like a real nut-squeeze of a timeline, a grind, if you will, and the fact that we've made it halfway through this mother, well, we're going to celebrate with a memorable Huzzah courtesy of Jordan Carver and her delicious Double-H bodacious funbags. They're not so much chest puppies and chest monsters, but the good kind of monster, the kind that takes your prisoner, but then feeds your warm milk daily in your cage. I could be a very happy prisoner in such a scenario.

In her latest cosplay scene, Jordan Carver takes her ginormous melons off the fields into close to the barn, with her own mounds pressing flesh with the hay. I'll say this for Jordan Carver, she's never boring, and never ever not double-H. Enjoy.