Jordan Carver

READER FINDS: Kelly Brook Topless, Nicole Kidman Nekkid, Emma Watson Super Fine and Much Much More…

 

There comes a time in a man's life when he just needs to grab hold of what's near and dear to him and shout, yes, today is the day I get to open the Reader email bag! It really is the day. Each Friday morning I unfurl the velveteen bag originally gifted to me by a fisherman in the North Sea and dump out the weekly bounty of letters from each and every one of you, or some of you, representing all of you, all filled with skin and sextastic and potential for joy. It's my reverse Santa Clause, with a heavy does of a nekkid Mrs. Kringle.

This week's Reader Finds includes our dear friend Jordan Carver covered topless and extra hot in video stills (thank you Egotastic! reader 'Ben B.'), Emma Watson in one spicy hot photoshoot (blessings from 'Devon'), Ione Skye topless in several onscreen appearances (ta-ta throwbacks courtesy of 'Wendy'), Valeria Golino topless on the silver screen (beauty abounds thanks to 'Owen F.'), Catalina Denis topless on the boob tube (dropped off by 'Darian'), Monica Bellucci topless and as ever, wicked hot (thank you kindly to 'Maestro'), Shannon Elizabeth topless and working it (big funion blessings from 'Rob'), Danneel Harris topless and making the sexy (tender moments provided by 'Danny H.'), Miranda Richardson flashing her awesome udders for skinematics (thoughtful puppies views from back in the day via 'Marrion'), Nicole Kidman nekkid and thespianic (Down Under peeps delivered by 'Noel'), Alyssa Sutherland topless in Vikings on TV (don't miss these twin horns from 'Stephen'), Cindy Crawford and her hot supermodel friends in see-through tops (yeah, you'll like that thanks to 'Evan R.'), Stacy Haiduk of Skinemax fame working her onscreen wares (lovelies dished out by 'Les G.'), Kelly Brook topless in her Loaded spread (pun intended and offered up by 'Frank D.'), Sigourney Weaver topless in the tub (daring bared wares thanks to 'Klein'), Angelina Jolie topless in a less heralded role (udders of the hottie from 'Daniel'), Sara Corrales wicked pole dancing in Soho (provided kindly by 'David M.'), and last, but bodaciously not at all least, the boldly busty Lucie Wilde in some of her more adult work (eye spied by porn connoisseurs 'Aaron B.' and 'Jon K.').

Jordan Carver Bodacious Sweaty Boobtastic Boxing Promos

Boxing may be known as the sweet science or the gentleman's sport, but today it ought be known as the sport Jordan Carver and her renowned mams of plenty turned into the dominant sport in the world once again with her sweat and allure and pugilistic curves. The German model and long time friend of Egotastic is taking to the ring for a celebrity boxing match in her home country. But not before some serious warm ups, and serious sports bras, to contain her mighty chestal punching power.

I can tell you Jordan Carver is one of the nicest people you will ever meet. I can also tell you that if you meet her, it will take you a while to stop staring catatonically and quite rudely into her her nurturing goodness. But once you're able to unlock your gaze, you'll find only sweetness. Sweetness and hotness that in this case is looking to punch somebody's lights out. Wow, that's only super hot. Hit me next, Jordan. I want to see the singing birds. I already am the kind of stupid knocked out grins. Enjoy.

Big thanks to our friend Garry from SunofHollywood.com for these outstanding pics of Jordan.

Jordan Carver Learns that Married Men Enjoy First Dates Too in Her Date Night Disaster (VIDEO)

Don't Mess With The Bouncy German!

Not to give away too much in advance, but our bouncy flouncy hottie German friend Jordan Carver's Date Night Disaster reminds me once more of the difference between men and women.

A couple or three years back, me and some guys were out for a night on the town and got invited back to some ladies' place for an after-party and one thing led to another and my buddy Turk the Greek hooked up with one of the girls and we didn't see them until the next morning when Turk had the grin of grins on his successful face and this girl came out of the same bedroom crying. The girl tells Turk she needs to confess a horrible secret, that she's really married and pretended to be single the night before and fooled him and she felt horrible about deceiving him. To which Turk replied 'No worries' and Turk went straight out for a Grand Slam breakfast at Denny's. Dudes just don't care.

But, women, as you will see in our latest installment of Date Night Disasters, are far less forgiving of dude's who lie about their backgrounds. Enjoy.

(This post is sponsored by Do No Harm on NBC. Premieres Thursday 10/9c)

Jordan Carver Covered Topless Behind the Scenes of Her Busty DOA5 Photoshoot for Egotastic! (VIDEO)

Check Out Behind the Scenes!
Jordan's Hottest of the Hot
Jordan Carver boobtastic in her first ever English language show. Watch »

It's hard to express in words how much fun we had being around Jordan Carver mostly nekkid for an entire day last month shooting her as 'Tina Armstrong' for our DOA5 photoshoot. It was like hanging around a buddy for the day, if your buddy had a killer smile and some wicked awesome boobs he liked to show off.

In addition to the photoshoot, Jordan and her bodacious body and Germanic good looks also hosted her first ever English language TV show in the form of our Hottest of the Hot program, and taped some DOA5 green screen promos for us. All of which is not nearly as important as the healthy Bavarian visuals, natch.

Check out behind the scenes of our day with Jordan Carver and feel the excitement. Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Covered Topless as ‘Tina Armstrong’ to Celebrate the Release of DOA5

It's really not possible to tell you how much fun we had meeting, greeting, and shooting Jordan Carver in our tribute to the upcoming video game release of DOA5. It was like everything I always imagined it would be like to spend the day with a half-nekkid German hottie bending and preening and cosplaying for the cameras. Of course, Jordan did drop kick me in my bobos, but I deserved it.

Plus, all the violence got Jordan in character to portray wrestler-martial artist 'Tina Armstrong', the blonde cowgirl from Dead or Alive 5 set to release on Tuesday, September 25. We have a natural affinity for the DOA video game series given their natural affinity for all things sexy, female, and mammarial related.

Check out the Egotastic! exclusive interpretation of Tina Armstrong by way of Jordan Carver and her wicked hot body and beautiful naughtiness. We hope you enjoy.

** Special thanks to both photographer Mateo Ward and to the quite happening and freshly opened A/V Nightclub in Hollywood for hosting our shoot.

Jordan Carver Gaining English Skills With Cleavy Hosting Hottest of the Hot for Egotastic! (VIDEO)

Stop Staring at Jordan's Boobs and See Who Won!

Make no mistake, Egotastic! is an equal opportunity employer. To host our weekly wrap-up show, Hottest of the Hot, you don't even need to speak English as a first language. Granted, it does help if you have other job skills to contribute. And Jordan Carver has some skills, oh, trust me, she has some big skills.

Egotastic! got a chance to shoot Jordan Carver exclusively for a photo pictorial you will see, oh, in about a week (and, my god, it crossed a line off my personal bucket list, two actually if you count the fact that I had always want to experience life as a dairy farmer), and we wasted no time in asking Jordan to host our fun time Hottest of the Hot, so we could spend even more time ogling her fine form and to hear her say the word 'motherf***er was just priceless.

So, check out Hottest of the Hot, or just check out Jordan, counting down the Top 5 most clicked pics of the past week on Egotastic! Enjoy.

Jordan Carver Big, Bouncy, Flouncy, Fun on Set of ‘Who Killed Johnny’

Well, it's not exactly the movie we were hoping to see Jordan Carver and her double-H bombs cast in, you know, the kind with the very randy pizza delivery guy, but any chance to peruse those passionate chest puppies she brings with her everywhere makes for some solid on-set photos.

On production on Who Killed Johnny (yet another film we find zero information on), the bodacious buxom German model and now actress shows that tassels will never truly go out of style, not when they're employed to highlight the luscious hanging fruit of girls like Jordan. Consider us excited by this unexpected uncovery.  Enjoy.