Jessica Simpson

Everyone Hates Jessica Simpson

Okay, maybe not everyone, but at least half. At Jessica Simpson‘s first live Country performance, opening for Sara Evans (yes, Jessica isn’t even a headline act anymore), Simpson was booed by half the crowd, while the other half clapped, reports Us magazine. Obviously, the people who were clapping were high. Still, at least Jessica looked hot, in her obligatory Daisy Duke shorts. The girl’s a walking cliché, but I like it.

Photo credit: Mavrix
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Jessica Simpson Reminds You She Has Boobs

Jessica Simpson was out having a fun time in a boat on Lake Tahoe with boyfriend Tony Romo, and sister Ashlee Simpson, but you’d never know it from these pictures, because all I can focus on are Jessica Simpson’s boobs. The Country singer (yeah, she’s a “Country” singer now) wore a tight pink swimsuit that showed off her breast assets, while her sister, who was actually wearing a bikini, stayed out of the direct line of the paparazzi, so that’s why there aren’t any pictures of her here. Of course, with Jessica waving her hand around like an idiot, and pushing her chest out as far as she can, what would you expect?

Photo credit: Flynet

Jessica Simpson Bikini Breast Inspection

These Jessica Simpson bikini pictures were taken down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, where she is vacationing, and apparently giving herself public breast exams. Jessica was caught taking a long look at her breasts while changing out of her bikini, only half covered by a bath robe.

Yes, we came that close to almost seeing Jessica Simpson topless, but thanks to a stupid orange towel, and bikini that just won’t malfunction like we want it to, all we really got is the blurry underside of Jessica Simpson’s breasts. And I for one will take it.

Jessica Simpson Is All Tongue

Woah, what the hell is going on here? It looks like Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are going all 9 1/2 Weeks with some very kinky food play. Actually, these pictures of Jess and Tony swapping cake and spit were taken at the 28th birthday party for Tony Romo, where Jessica Simpson sang a song for her boyfriend, and then proceeded to feed him cake, and lick it off his face. I don’t think I’ve ever been as turned on and grossed out at the same time.

Hey Jessica, I’m turning 28 in July, you wanna come to my party too? Don’t forget to bring the cake… Wait a minute. I’m gonna be 28? Fuck, I’m getting too old for this shit.

Jessica Simpson Topless and Shaved in Esquire

Jessica Simpson is topless on the cover of the may issue of Esquire magazine, and as you might have noticed, she’s shaving. It’s a little odd, but it’s actually a redux of a classic Esquire cover featuring Virna Lisi. Anyway, if you don’t care too much about that, the issue also features Jessica Simpson in some very sexy, and very wet swimsuit photos with a very generous helping of cleavage. It’s hot stuff.

Jessica Simpson Stripper Cam

So what does Jessica Simpson do when she’s away from her boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo? Why, she strips for him on the web cam. That’s right, a real life Jessica Simpson stripper cam. The Baltimore Sun reports that Jessica isn’t shy, and gives her guy quite a show.

When they’re apart, she will be – to quote Tina Turner – his private dancer, and she “isn’t shy about her body – or her dance moves,” Star magazine said.

“Jess has no problem showing Tony her favorite Pussycat Dolls routine. … She will dance in front of her camera until she makes her man happy. … She thinks it keeps the romance alive while they are far away from each other.”

Now, either someone has to hack into that webcam feed, or Papa Joe’s got to set up a website for this new-found talent of Jessica’s but either way, I wanna see me some Jessica Simpson stripper webcam action. Now there’s something I’d pay $29.99 a month for.

Here are some pictures that have nothing to do with this story, but Jessica Simpson looks good, so it works. More pics after the jump.

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Jessica Simpson Assumes the Position

Okay, so these pictures of Jessica Simpson crawling into her SUV on all fours wou’d be a lot hotter if instead of an SUV it was her bedroom, and instead of being fully clothed she was completely naked, and instead of a paparazzi picture it was a sex tape, but you can’t always get what you want. Still, sometimes it’s fun to imagine.

Actually, Jessica was crawling into her car because she was pretty loaded, aka smashed, aka sauced, aka drunk. Boyfriend Tony Romo was also there to make sure the tipsy Simpson made it home alright. What happened after that is up to your imagination…

Photo credit: WENN