File this under the category of you didn't ask for this, but you're going to get it anyhow, as supesized Jessica Simpson makes her covered-nekkid debut in Elle magazine. While the extensive air brushing of dark room folks at the magazine have helped hide the fact that Jessica is clearly about to deliver somewhere between 9 and 12 fully grown members of the species through her reproductive canals, we here at Egotastic! who have been tracking Jessica's growth chart of late know full well that she now singlehandedly blows past the maximum load limit of all but the most industrial of building elevators.
That all being said, let's not overlook the majesty of child birth, the miracle of pregnancy, and the mammoth mammaries Jessica is barely covering in these showy, but sweet photos taken with her boyfriend or fiancee, but I don't think husband really, former short-lived NFL tight end, Eric Johnson. Enjoy.
Egotastic! Breaks Promise to Never Compare Any Fat Celebrity to an Ewok
When I got into this business, I made myself two promises. First, I wasn't ever going back to jail for stealing women's panties from a display window at a surprisingly well monitored boutique, guys in for panties theft just don't do well after lockdown, and, second, I'd never ever compare a fat celebrity to an Ewok. Not that I haven't had the inkling to do both over the years, but I've managed to keep my bond with the man in the mirror.
Anybody within the Sherman Oaks area of Los Angeles of late has spotted the behemoth trolling the various dining facilities along Ventura Boulevard in search of continuous sustenance for what must surely be 12-17 fully-formed fetuses about to be birthed through her dilated mucket.
Over the weekend, Jessica endured the pouring rain to grab BBQ from Boneyard Bistro. Mmm, ribs.
Simple message of caution: do not get between this Ewok and her BBQ, because forty lbs. of nourishment is going down mamas gullet one way or another and you'll be wanting to keep your legs.