Did we actually miss the bodacious cleavage of Jessica Simpson, the pop star turned multimillionaire business woman and mom of I can’t remember how many kids now? Well, we came close. Thankfully, in our final review of the Halloween holiday, we caught sight of the mammarial testaments on the front size of Jessica, out on Halloween on a dress that doesn’t begin to fit her fertile form.
We’re not sure in what bodily direction Jessica is headed, but she certainly has some strong tools with which to work. Or, you know, open up her own dairy dispensary. Keep on flopping on, Jess. Enjoy.
I think Jessica Simpson had a baby like three weeks ago or something; either way, put her boyfriend or husband or whoever he is in that category of dudes who just can’t wait to get back into the thick of things, as Jessica recently announced that she’s preggo once again, kind of like those critters that are born pregnant, only much much bigger.
To be fair, while Jessica Simpson grew to the size of a small city or a large manatee during her last pregnancy oh those many months ago, she’s looking pretty good so far in this go-round, at least as she appears after finding just the perfect bikini pose in the mirror after what must’ve been an hour or more of contorted posing.
We happen to dig pregnant women, if you didn’t know, so we’re prone to say, you go girl, to Jessica, quickly on he way to seventeen babies. Enjoy.
You know the Twitpics are going to be flying fast and furious around Halloween time, with celebs from teen to geriatric donning the skimpiest, showiest, and tightest of outfits to honor the pagan rituals of All Hallowed Saints Day.
This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup include Aubrey O’Day flashing major cleavage, Jessica Simpson showing off her losing weight but not losing boobage. Imogen Thomas preggo in a bikini top, Miley Cyrus channeling Nicki Minaj, Kelly Brook in lace and stockings, Kendall Jenner butt-side, Candice Swanepoel leggy skateboarding, and much much more. You owe it to humanity to check out these self-published sextastic celebrity pics. Humanity. Enjoy.
It just keeps getting better and better. Like an old box of Oreos or sex with hairy women, the more we dig, the more we’re finding ogle-worthy gems of the self-published sextastic from our very favorite celebrities, who just can not stop taking pictures of them hotselves to share with the rest of the world. Thankfully so.
This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes our be-lusted Emmy Awesome in a bikini, Sara Jean Underwood flashing her sexy cans, Kendall Jenner bikini moments, Lucy Pinder barely covering herself, Elizabeth Gillies giving us naughty thoughts, Jessica Simpson cleavage, and just a ton more must-see private time photos from your ogle-worthy celebs. Check them out. And, enjoy.
When I got into this business, I made myself two promises. First, I wasn’t ever going back to jail for stealing women’s panties from a display window at a surprisingly well monitored boutique, guys in for panties theft just don’t do well after lockdown, and, second, I’d never ever compare a fat celebrity to an Ewok. Not that I haven’t had the inkling to do both over the years, but I’ve managed to keep my bond with the man in the mirror.
Now, I’m afraid I’ve been forced to back pedal from that sacred vow, courtesy of the ginormous Jessica Simpson, who is no longer simply measured in inches or feet, but in terms of how many 1970′s era cookie cutter municipal baseball stadiums she comprises. Currently, we’re at Riverfront plus Busch Memorial plus half of Milwaukee County Stadium in terms of girth. Let’s just agree that she’s become a rather large lady.
Anybody within the Sherman Oaks area of Los Angeles of late has spotted the behemoth trolling the various dining facilities along Ventura Boulevard in search of continuous sustenance for what must surely be 12-17 fully-formed fetuses about to be birthed through her dilated mucket.
Over the weekend, Jessica endured the pouring rain to grab BBQ from Boneyard Bistro. Mmm, ribs.
Simple message of caution: do not get between this Ewok and her BBQ, because forty lbs. of nourishment is going down mamas gullet one way or another and you’ll be wanting to keep your legs.
File this under the category of you didn’t ask for this, but you’re going to get it anyhow, as supesized Jessica Simpson makes her covered-nekkid debut in Elle magazine. While the extensive air brushing of dark room folks at the magazine have helped hide the fact that Jessica is clearly about to deliver somewhere between 9 and 12 fully grown members of the species through her reproductive canals, we here at Egotastic! who have been tracking Jessica’s growth chart of late know full well that she now singlehandedly blows past the maximum load limit of all but the most industrial of building elevators.
That all being said, let’s not overlook the majesty of child birth, the miracle of pregnancy, and the mammoth mammaries Jessica is barely covering in these showy, but sweet photos taken with her boyfriend or fiancee, but I don’t think husband really, former short-lived NFL tight end, Eric Johnson. Enjoy.
– Courteney Cox and other celebs in bikinis. (HuffPo)
- Is Veena Malik naked or not? (FoxNews)
- Kristen Stewart vs. Anne Hathaway: who bangs better for a buck? (FoxNews)
- Katherine Heigl is heating things up in Elle. (GossipCenter)
- How big are Jessica Simpson boobs going to get? (TMZ)
- JWoww brings more of The Shore. (GossipCop)
- Diana Falzone finds out if weed makes you horny. (Maxim)