How in the heck does Jennifer Lopez keep getting hotter and hotter and her funbags more and more perfect with age? I’m quite certain she’d have to kill me if she told me, albeit I’d accept the penalty of death if my last meal were verifying the taste of her sweet Latina melons. Yes, I did just say that
Jennifer owned the red carpet at the People Magazine awards last night, an event you probably don’t care too much about because you’re not currently a 40-year old woman in a hair salon. But, as with most of these silly award shows and slaps on the collective Hollywood backs, plenty of fine ladies came out, none finer or more passion inducing than Jennifer. Maybe I’m biased because I dream nightly of Jenny from the Block practicing How Low Can You Go dance moves above my gaping maw, but how can you not love a woman flashing epic fine cleavage at forty-five like Jenny? I’m going to need more towels. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash News
Oh, Jennifer Lopez. You never cease to satisfy. Jenny from the Block showed off her gorgeous body in this sexy spread in Self Magazine. I’ve been a fan of J-Lo’s booty ever since I was in High School. I remember when I went to see her in Selena in 1995 and thought, “Sweet mother of buttcheeks, what an arse!” I said, my eyes bugging out of my head like a cartoon wolf. J-Lo’s bare mid-riff is extraordinary. For a woman her age to be keeping it that tight is a rare thing. Especially after popping out a couple of kids and being married to the likes of Marc Anthony. What I do know is that any day that a scantily clad pic of J-Lo comes across my desk is a happy one for ‘ol Jack.
Jen is a sexy lady and I’m a professional sexy lady appreciator so I should know. I’m going to go back to bed now and dream about Jen and Iggy Azalea’s thumpers shaking in that Booty video.
Photo Credit: Self Magazine
I don’t know exactly what BodyLab is, but I’m going to guess it’s a not inexpensive formula for women to look like Jennifer Lopez in their 40′s. If only that kind of magical elixir really could be bottled. I’d probably mix some into my Yoohoo and vodkas in the evenings. But, alas, an asstatic and amazingly alluring body like Jennifer’s only can be granted directly from heaven. Though that didn’t stop BodyLab from paying Jennifer to look her darndest pimping their product. And she absolutely looks her darndest.
As Thanksgiving rolls around, it’s always a good time to ponder those things that mean the most to you in your life. Family, friends, well-being, bounty, and booty. In no particular order if it’s my list. J-Lo’s mighty Latina thumper, oh, that definitely blossoms forth from the cornucopia of my dreams. Enjoy.
As usual, I’m forced to take back all my mockery of the musical craptastic that is the American Music Awards. As always, the 2014 version may be a celebration of some true auditory torture, but it remains one of the single biggest night of decked out Hollywood hotties goodness of the year. There’s something to be said for that. That thing is mostly just ‘thanks’. Wow, the process of sextastic pop divas and celebrity invites was just unending tonight.
Some of my favorites were Jennifer Lopez, just so smoking hot, Charli XCX ogle worthy for sure, Selena Gomez form fitting goodness, Kate Beckinsale, Heidi Klum, Kendall Jenner, Nicki Minaj, Zendaya Coleman and many more looking outrageously fine. Check out the ladies. If you watch the show, well, that’s on you. I’d keep it on mute, then you might have something to store in the visual vaults. Enjoy.
Nothing to see here, just a decked out and dolled up super hottie party featuring the likes of Selena Gomez, Kate Beckinsale, Toni Garrn, Jennifer Lopez, Amy Adams and many more. It was like a parade of the women of my imaginary awards show where everybody wants to win an Oscar and Oscar is the nickname of my… well, you get the idea. A parade of of wicked hot A-list women in heels and gowns. I couldn’t be happier without them taking their clothes off.
The event was something to do with LACMA, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art where I often take dates to pretend I’m somebody I’m not. I’ve been told to be myself many times before, but I’ve also noticed I don’t get many second dates when the first is beer and go-kart racing. So I do the museum. Save the dirt track for the third date after I’ve hidden their passports and learned to say you’ll never see your beautiful village again in their native tongues. I’ve seen many interesting sights at LACMA, but none so artistically memorable as this red carpet lineup of lovely ladies. It was like the Oscars in November and without the self-serving speeches. Just perfect. Enjoy.
Jennifer Lopez is still one of the hottest women on the planet. (Huffington Post)
Rita Ora and her funbags are on the cover of Cosmo. (Drunken Stepfather)
Nicola McLean‘s boobies are magic, like unicorns but better because they are ta-tas. (Hollywood Tuna)
I don’t like her movies, but I do like Katherine Heigl‘s cleav. (Popoholic)
Playboy’s Amanda Paige is hotter than your girlfriend. (COED)
Kevin Smith looks weird. (TMZ)
Lieschen Botes has an unpronounceable name but a very nice rack. (Celebslam)
Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea had a booty off onstage at the We Can Survive concert in LA. The veteran buttmaster Jennifer showed Iggy how the big girls shake their thing. Jen wore a short silver outfit that showed off plenty of that legendary butt. Iggy, who is no slouch in the booty department, was wearing a pair of short shorts and stockings. They made a splash a couple of months ago by shaking their rumps in a sweaty room for Iggy’s aptly named Booty video. I watched that thing on a loop. Maybe it’s the Latin man in me but I was transfixed by those bouncing gluts. The two of them should go on tour and call it Bootypalooza or something like that. I would shell out serious money to see that and I’m not really a fan of either of their musics.
I’m glad that Jen has taken Iggy on as her butt padawan. She has much to learn but maybe one day she will be as powerful as her bootymaster.