You know I’ve been working with my clinical psychiatrist, the esteemed Dr. Jerry Wallis-Cox, to rid myself of these petty jealousies of both inanimate object and body parts of others that get to touch, hold, and or caress the funbags of my favorite celebrity darlings. Do you think the hands of Ireland Baldwin even realize how blessedly fortunate they are to be able to hold onto those magnificent temptress ta-ta’s. in this Tyler Kandel photoshoot? Doubt it. Whereas I would shank any one of you in the showers for a simple quick nibble.
Ireland Baldwin is perhaps my favorite Baldwin. Granted, once you throw out the brothers or just write them off to prison, there’s not a super amount of competition. But this daughter of Kim Bassinger was just blessed with the genetics of a very fine woman. She’s going places. In my mind, I can quickly think of seventeen possibilities, eighteen if you’ll allow me my late night co-ed steam room scenario. No reason to hold your own in there, Ireland. I’ve got you covered. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Tyler Kandel
Every week I try to bring to you thirty or so of my favorite social media pictures of the week, published by the sextastic celebrities themselves. Every week I think to myself, man, what if they all suddenly get real jobs or hobbies and stop taking photos of themselves half-nekkid? This is the kind of fear I live with so you don’t have to. I’m kind of a celebrity skin martyr. Fortunately, my bikini is half empty mentality has never come to pass. The bikinis are definitely more than half full this week, along with the poetic bodily passion inducements of some of the more prodigious personal photo posters in all of Tinsel Town.
This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Ireland Baldwin in some snug little bikini bottoms, Bella Thorne showing off her own bikini form, Miranda Kerr ever super hot bodied, Christina Milian poking and proud, Katy Perry bikini and cleavy looks, Nicki Minaj flashing lingerie clad curves, and much much more. You owe it to those who won’t be coming home from Walmart on Black Friday to check out each and every one of these sweet sextastic self-candids and turn that frown upside down. Enjoy
Ireland Baldwin hasn’t exactly gone as risque as Kendall Jenner since they both turned eighteen last Fall, but I think she’s getting there in her own unique path. More of a kitschy beach girl, Ireland is slowly moving into bikini shoots and more alluring media endeavors as this pictorial for Galore magazine. Still a bit cutesy, but when you’re six foot tall and blonde and looking like Ireland, you’re going to get noticed by the gentleman oglers.
Ireland Baldwin is definitely one we’re keeping an eye on. And not just when she’s making out with her little girlfriend on occasion. Though we are definitely always watching that. The future is brought with this one. I can’t hardly wait. Enjoy.
I’m no investment genius, but if ten years ago somebody had told me, I’m working on a technology that allows hot young women the opportunity to, within a matter of seconds, upload digital photos of themselves showing off for millions of men to see instantly and around the globe, I’d have thrown all of my eighty dollars life savings into that startup. I suppose there are other users for Twitter and Instagram and the like, but that exhibitionist girls thing is what powers the motor for those ventures. And rightfully so. Thankfully, I did get in early to Friendster, so I’m pretty set.
This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Olympic darling McKayla Maroney showing off in bikinis, Aly Michalka super sized funbags barely in a bikini, Ireland Baldwin making out with her special new ‘friend’, Anastasia Ashley and her crazy hot bikini body, Naya Rivera showing off in Cabo, Heidi Klum sucking on a popsicle, Chrissy Teigen mounting one lucky bear, and much much more. You owe it the hair of the dog that literally bit you on Cinco de Mayo to check out each and every one of these passion inducing social media candids. Enjoy.
Thanks to a bunch of you sweaty stinky manfolk I like to call my peers for alerting me to the sight of Ireland Baldwin and her see-through top in quite the right light at Coachella. Now that Ireland is eighteen, and maybe kind of sort of leaning Sapphic according to our friends at WWTDD, we can quite lawfully show you her exhibitionist style black top sans bra at the formerly indie hipster music event. Yep, those are Ireland’s barely legal boobs. Indeed. Hi. How are you.
Every time I begin to think there’s no hope for the next generation, that we are doomed to be drowned out by culturally backwards, app downloading and incessantly texting youths of today, I am given a sign of hope. A simple sign. Such as Ireland Baldwin’s fine looking funbags. And I know we are doing just fine. Enjoy.
So, let it begin. The 86th Academy Awards and procession of the sextastic.
We’ll keep updating this as the various lovely decked out ladies of Tinsel Town exit their limos and arrive on the red carpet. But you can’t be off to a better start than Ireland Baldwin and Maria Menounos.
Ah, Olivia Wilde, Emma Watson, Charlize Theron, Kristen Bell, Naomi Watts, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz, Anna Kendrick, Amy Adams, Cate Blanchett, and many more.
In summary: there wasn’t much by the way of risque or cleavy or showy on the red carpet this year, but there’s no doubt there were a dozen or more ladies of the Silver Screen who looked absolutely stunning in their million dollar get-ups. It’s just like my prom night, except with hot girls who fit their dresses. Enjoy.
Talk about your Super Bowl of selfies, this week might just be it. The lovely ladies of the big egos and even bigger boobtastic have once more shared their loveliness via social media networks where they can titillate, arouse, and otherwise inspire their fan base into lots of virtual oohs and ahhs. I’m always one of those responding with such niceties just to ensure the flow of amateur candids continues unabated.
This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Anastasia Ashley in various sweet bikini pics, Ashley Sky showing off her own bikini hotness, Ireland Baldwin putting stretch pants covered arse to camera, Beyonce proud of her fine legs, Miley Cyrus panties flashing, Maria Menounous football booty, SueLyn Medeiros bikini curvy body selfies, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner pretending to kiss (oh, my), and much much more. You owe it to hard working ice dancers in Sochi to check out each and every one of these wicked hot socially shared candids. Enjoy.