Well, the big leagues of the collective celebrity circle jerk known as Awards Season kicked off this Sunday evening with the 2013 Golden Globe Awards dishing out trophies to people who just had to thank a bunch of producers and agents and the dude who washes their Bentley.
And while we have to give a generally ‘tame’ rating to the sextastic level at the actual event, when you have such a massive gathering of sweet looking thespianics, you’re going to find some serious lovely toy things to leer at one the red carpet, including our very favorites this year, Amy Adams, Jessica Alba, Sarah Hyland, Sofia Vergara, Halle Berry, Taylor Swift, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and Heidi Klum. And a bunch others too, so check out the entire gallery of the girls whose $10K dresses we’d like to rip from their bodies and give them an award of our own. Enjoy.
Now, by this time you know how we feel about the Grammys and the American Music Awards and pretty much all other music award shows and their relationship to good music — zero correlation. Truly. Really. Honestly. And we say that hardly as music snobs, just grown adult males for whom popular music left us long ago, or we left it, either way, we can’t stand it any more than a grade schooler can brussel sprouts. It’s not natural.
And, yet, there’s no denying that the ranks of the pop music world are filled with some of our favorite ladies of the sextastic, some performers, some just omnipresent celebs, all of whom do manage to turn the 2012 American Music Awards into hot-watchable television tonight.
Included in our list of girls who gave us happy wood tonight on the red carpet are Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Heidi Klum, Stacy Keibler, Hayden Panettiere, Jenny McCarthy, and Kesha (what? yep, you heard us right, Kesha, she made herself over so much we got all worked up before we realized it was Kesha — let’s call this one misdirected boner). Enjoy.
When the male headliners at the MTV Europe Music Awards were David Hasselhoff, Jedward, and I think Gary Glitter on a prison-release program, our prognosis for pure craptastic was not looking great, but, thankfully, as with all events, bringing in hot chicks makes everything okay, even Hasselhoff, and the addition of some of our sextastic favorites like Heidi Klum, Rita Ora, and Taylor Swift (who we still can’t figure out why we want to plow so badly, but, we do) helped to make the entire evening devoted to pop music, Euro style.
And that can be pretty bad. Enjoy.
It’s weird, but ever since Heidi Klum split from Seal and started banging her bodyguard we’ve kind of fallen more deeply in lust with the German hottie and business woman powerhouse. I mean, let’s be honest, a hot mom who starts knocking boots with the help — that’s the very source of 32% of all our adult-rated daydreams, not to mention quite possibly our only chance of ever hooking up with the likes of a world-class supermodel.
Now, throw in the wide-mouthed multi-colored Missile Pops® sucking, and, well, don’t be surprised if her entire male staff isn’t watching and wondering when it will be their turn at bat with the mistress of the house. Personally, I’m trying to get a job as her gardener as we speak. ‘Oh, yes, Ms. Klum, I would love to come inside for some lemonade.’ And, enjoy.
I’ll say this for non-boob showing television shows, their ladies love to show cleavage during award season for their medium. The million dollar mammaries could not be contained at this weekend’s Primetime Emmy Awards, where scores of hotties came decked out in low cut top, or just looking mighty fine, boob tube fantastics such as Christina Hendricks, Kat Dennings, Heidi Klum, Padma Lakshmi, January Jones, Sofia Vergara, Alexandra Breckenridge, Hayden Panettiere, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Zooey Deschanel, and Claire Danes.
Yes, it was an evening filled with Hollywood patting itself on the back. But a day today for us to remember the best of Hollywood’s front side. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I was once blizzard bound in the Reykjavik Airport for eight hours with Swedes on holiday (if you know of this phenomenon, than you already feel sorry for me) who plowed through endless bottles of vodka while they sang Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You’ from The Bodyguard over and over again for the entire duration. Ever since that time, the mere mention of the word ‘bodyguard’ recalls so much post-traumatic stress, I curl up into a ball and hide behind my Holly Hobby overstuffed pillows and whimper softly.
Somebody obviously less averse to bodyguards is Heidi Klum, who has basically now admitted that she’s banging her long time bodyguard, the dude with the tattoos, but insists (counter to Seal’s claim) that she only let the bodyguard into her inner body after she was completely split from the Kiss from a Rose singer. The truth — we do not know. But we do know that Heidi Klum at nearly 40 remains one hot (and might we add, naturally breasted) women.
(Thanks to EgoReader ‘Kiff’ for these photos. We know they’re from a French mag, but not precisely sure of the original photo dates or locations.)
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Super hot, single, rich, and that wicked dominatrix-like accent has me running for the cold shower and poetic proposals on cologne-scented notecards every time I catch sight of Heidi Klum ditching her single-mom gear for her professionally tight and hot working woman gear.
The Germanic blonde and veteran MILF hottie took New York by storm at the end of last week when she came in a tight hugging outfit to sign copies of her book about something to do with stupid fashion. Heck, we’d even pretend to be interested in fashion for just the chance to see Heidi Klum slipping out of her clothes in the evening. Enjoy.