Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum Deep Deep Cleavage Steals the Show at Elton John’s Oscar After-Party

Second only to the Vanity Fair Oscar-Party each year, Elton John can draw some serious female tail to his swank post-Academy Awards, including convincing Heidi Klum to come party in a plunging neckline that had us plunging even deeper than that on sight of the German model's MILFtastic chest ensembles.

So powerful was Heidi's cleavage last night that she literally and figuratively towered over the other guests, some of whom, such as Miley Cyrus, Olivia Munn, Britney Spears, and Nicki Minaj, definitely deserve a nod from the oglers of their own, but none shined quite as bright as the golden clad Project Runway star. The Kardashian sisters looked like short fat trollops in comparison, or, not even by comparison.

Congratulations to Heidi Klum. We honor you with our bald upright statutes this morning. Enjoy.

Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Heidi Klum Post-Globes Party Pic Highlights This Week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

Oh, man, the celebrities are at it again. Just falling all slobbery in lust with their own hotness, and sharing their true romance with the rest of the world by way of Twitter and Instagram and Facebook and a bunch of other social media sites whose names tween girls could rattle off to you with no problem, but to us just sound like the names of pedo-grumpy midgets in some horribly German Black Forest fairytale. Nevertheless, the ends justifies the means, our motto at least, so no matter how we get our celebrity hotness, we take it.

This week's Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes a marvelously trifecta-perfected pic of Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Heidi Klum at a post Golden Globe Awards party, Rihanna sucking on a coconut like she's making rent money, Miranda Kerr chesty, Katherine McPhee surprisingly cleavetastic, and a buttload more butts and tops flashing in photos that you owe to the sports god's you're praying to this weekend on your NFL bets to peruse. Enjoy.

Amy Adams, Jessica Alba, Sarah Hyland, and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Lead List of Hotties on the 2013 Golden Globe Awards Red Carpet

Well, the big leagues of the collective celebrity circle jerk known as Awards Season kicked off this Sunday evening with the 2013 Golden Globe Awards dishing out trophies to people who just had to thank a bunch of producers and agents and the dude who washes their Bentley.

And while we have to give a generally 'tame' rating to the sextastic level at the actual event, when you have such a massive gathering of sweet looking thespianics, you're going to find some serious lovely toy things to leer at one the red carpet, including our very favorites this year, Amy Adams, Jessica Alba, Sarah Hyland, Sofia Vergara, Halle Berry, Taylor Swift, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and Heidi Klum. And a bunch others too, so check out the entire gallery of the girls whose $10K dresses we'd like to rip from their bodies and give them an award of our own. Enjoy.

Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, and Heidi Klum Heat Up 2012 American Music Awards Red Carpet

Now, by this time you know how we feel about the Grammys and the American Music Awards and pretty much all other music award shows and their relationship to good music -- zero correlation. Truly. Really. Honestly. And we say that hardly as music snobs, just grown adult males for whom popular music left us long ago, or we left it, either way, we can't stand it any more than a grade schooler can brussel sprouts. It's not natural.

And, yet, there's no denying that the ranks of the pop music world are filled with some of our favorite ladies of the sextastic, some performers, some just omnipresent celebs, all of whom do manage to turn the 2012 American Music Awards into hot-watchable television tonight.

Included in our list of girls who gave us happy wood tonight on the red carpet are Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Heidi Klum, Stacy Keibler, Hayden Panettiere, Jenny McCarthy, and Kesha (what? yep, you heard us right, Kesha, she made herself over so much we got all worked up before we realized it was Kesha -- let's call this one misdirected boner). Enjoy.

Heidi Klum, Rita Ora, and Taylor Swift Save the Dreck That Is MTV Europe With Hotness

When the male headliners at the MTV Europe Music Awards were David Hasselhoff, Jedward, and I think Gary Glitter on a prison-release program, our prognosis for pure craptastic was not looking great, but, thankfully, as with all events, bringing in hot chicks makes everything okay, even Hasselhoff, and the addition of some of our sextastic favorites like Heidi Klum, Rita Ora, and Taylor Swift (who we still can't figure out why we want to plow so badly, but, we do) helped to make the entire evening devoted to pop music, Euro style.

And that can be pretty bad. Enjoy.

Heidi Klum Has a Rainbow Party In Her Mouth; Oh, Mommy!

It's weird, but ever since Heidi Klum split from Seal and started banging her bodyguard we've kind of fallen more deeply in lust with the German hottie and business woman powerhouse. I mean, let's be honest, a hot mom who starts knocking boots with the help -- that's the very source of 32% of all our adult-rated daydreams, not to mention quite possibly our only chance of ever hooking up with the likes of a world-class supermodel.

Now, throw in the wide-mouthed multi-colored Missile Pops® sucking, and, well, don't be surprised if her entire male staff isn't watching and wondering when it will be their turn at bat with the mistress of the house. Personally, I'm trying to get a job as her gardener as we speak. 'Oh, yes, Ms. Klum, I would love to come inside for some lemonade.' And, enjoy.

Christina Hendricks, Kat Dennings, and Sofia Vergara Lead the Hot Cleavage Displays at Primetime Emmy Awards

I'll say this for non-boob showing television shows, their ladies love to show cleavage during award season for their medium. The million dollar mammaries could not be contained at this weekend's Primetime Emmy Awards, where scores of hotties came decked out in low cut top, or just looking mighty fine, boob tube fantastics such as Christina Hendricks, Kat Dennings, Heidi Klum, Padma Lakshmi, January Jones, Sofia Vergara, Alexandra Breckenridge, Hayden Panettiere, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Zooey Deschanel, and Claire Danes.

Yes, it was an evening filled with Hollywood patting itself on the back. But a day today for us to remember the best of Hollywood's front side. Enjoy.