Fergie

Jennifer Lopez, Charli XCX, Selena Gomez Highlight the 2014 American Music Awards Red Carpet Hotties

As usual, I'm forced to take back all my mockery of the musical craptastic that is the American Music Awards. As always, the 2014 version may be a celebration of some true auditory torture, but it remains one of the single biggest night of decked out Hollywood hotties goodness of the year. There's something to be said for that. That thing is mostly just 'thanks'. Wow, the process of sextastic pop divas and celebrity invites was just unending tonight.

Some of my favorites were Jennifer Lopez, just so smoking hot, Charli XCX ogle worthy for sure, Selena Gomez form fitting goodness, Kate Beckinsale, Heidi Klum, Kendall Jenner, Nicki Minaj, Zendaya Coleman and many more looking outrageously fine. Check out the ladies. If you watch the show, well, that's on you. I'd keep it on mute, then you might have something to store in the visual vaults. Enjoy.

Fergie Flashing Her New Body and Old Dance Moves in L.A.

Looks like somebody has spent the past twelve months getting into super stellar shape. No, not me. Au contraire. I'm talking about Fergie. After a whirlwind couple of years non stop touring the world, then time off to get married and make a baby and do the new mommy thing, Fergie has been hitting the Pilates but good in preparation for a new music video shoot in Los Angeles. I'd say the results of her hard work paid off. As has our relatively less hard work of watching her pose and twist and dance in her short shorts and bare midriff top. I'm guessing right now I won't be listening to the music, but I feel confident I'll be watching the video many times.

Fergie was such a standby favorite for so many years it's almost weird to think we sort of forgot about her for the past couple of years. We've both been busy. Well, more her than us. I'm just glad she's back and in prime ogling condition. She was always a very pleasant hot body on the celebrity sextastic landscape. Welcome back, Fergie. Please proceed with the thumping and butt grinding music. Enjoy.

Jessica Alba, Jennifer Lopez, and Elisabetta Canalis Highlight the Mommy Hotties at the Pumpkin Patch

Every year the sweet looking moms head to the Mr. Bones Pumpkin Patch in West Hollywood to get some pumpkins for the little ones in front of as many cameras as possible. Uber-MILFtastic Jessica Alba even took her kids two days in a row, because you know, eleven hours grabbing a pumpkin when you're in kindergarten simply isn't enough. I could hardly complain about this obvious publicity gesture for every mid-October it brings out the sextastic motherly types such as Jessica, Jennifer Lopez, Elisabetta Canalis, Jaime King, and Fergie to traipse around in what they believe to be chick but functional mom wear and smile for the cameras. I kind of dig this annual tradition.

As you may know, I was touched inappropriately in a pumpkin patch as a child. It was by large bird of some kind that fought me over my choice of pumpkins as a small child. That evil flying bastard won that round, but I vowed to eat lots of winged creatures for dinner ever since that day. I like to think I got my revenge. Now, I'm able to return to the pumpkin patch without so much traumatic recollections. Albeit, a single man roaming around the pumpkin patch is pretty bad for your reputation. I try to make it work by dressing like a scarecrow. Enjoy.

Taylor Swift, Fergie, and Arielle Kebbel Highlight the Sextastic at the iHeart Radio Festival

Granted, the iHeart Radio Festival in Vegas each September might be the largest assemblage of pop music's more craptastic hot artists of the moment, but there's no denying that like all such similar events, the hot girls come out to be seen in show and on the red carpet. iHeart Radio is no small player, so when they put the hooks out to the publicity agents for top level talent, top level talent migrates to Sin City for the weekend. Hotties such as Taylor Swift, a mighty fine looking Fergie, Arielle Kebbel, Sophia Bush, and more show up to strut their finest and talk about all the crazy hot boy bands.

I may never understand teeny music with a fresh funky Casio beat. But I do know pretty girls. And they do tend to be around that same horrific music. So, suck it up like I do and talk about how Iggy Azalea music is really powerful if you want to either be popular with a niece or intend to date anybody under 30 who works in the food services or retail mall industries. Enjoy.

Arianny Celeste Bikini Booty, Lolo Jones Olympic Cheeks, and Sara Jean Underwood Hot Butt Highlight This Week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

It's Thursday and that can only mean one thing, well, two things if you count the fact that it's also the day I spend an hour staring sheepishly into the window of the pedicure place down the street watching random women's toes be painted. But the more important thing is the Sextastic Twitpic Roundup, where we gather together the finest in the past week of hot celebrity meets ego meets cell phone cameras and find the best of the best in the world of the self-published pictures.

This week's Roundup includes some seriously hot bums on the part of Arianny Celeste, Sara Jean Underwood at E3, Olympic virgin hottie Lolo Jones, some benevolent cleavage from Jamie Lynn Spears, bikini pictures from the likes of Selena GomezAlicia Keys, Kylie Jenner and Kendall Jenner, Fergie, and a ton more bits of self-picked hotness. Check it all out, I dare you. Enjoy.

Lindsay Lohan, Katy Perry, Paris Hilton, and Other Celebs Flock to the Coachella Music Festival

I guess there's two ways to look at it, if you're throwing a party in the Hollywood Hills, you've kind of made it when Lindsay Lohan and Billionaire Barbie stumble into your pad all kinds of wobbly and wasted, however, when you're throwing what you label as an indie rock concert, yeah, not so much on the credibility.

But, so they came, LiLo, Paris, Vanessa Hudgens, Nina Dobrev, Fergie, Jamie Chung, Katy Perry, Mischa Barton, and scores of other celebutantes, to the Coachella Music Festival, or, should we say, to the special select V.I.P. area of the concert cordoned off from the general riff-raff so that finer alcohol and better drugs could be served in the safety of a celebrity friendly environment.

The only thing missing from complete Coachella sell-out was Justin Bieber throwing down gang signs. But I'm sure if we look hard enough, that was going on somewhere. Enjoy.

Fergie Battles Kim Kardashian in Ultimate New Year’s Even Night Vegas Celebrity Pimpstress

You know that some girls like to party on New Year's Eve, and some girls like to get paid to party. Enter Fergie and Kim Kardashian.

Fergie has been looking a little better of late since taking a break from her whirlwind, eight million country tour over the past couple of years and she stepped up to the payday plate at the new 1Oak nightclub on the Vegas Strip. I'd party with her.

Kim Kardahian of course is turning over a new leaf in 2012 by going anywhere, at any time, to pimp the shizz out of stuff she doesn't believe in for the right price. Okay, so that's exactly like she was in 2011. But a money-hungry leopard doesn't change its dollar signs easily, so she was working her body for Tao Nightclub on NYE.

Still, we got a lot  of pimping, a lot of preening, and some good tight dresses and cleave, so, we all struck it rich in Vegas this New Year's in our own way. Enjoy.