The good folks at Victoria’s Secret, makers of all things tiny and silky, and holder of much of my personal credit card debt, keeping finding new and hotter bikinis to strap onto the new and hotter Erin Heatherton to make their apparel look amazing and convince us men that if only we drove the right car, we might someday run our hands over a wet, tiger print bikini bottom-clad Erin Heatherton booty, looking ever so moist and pouty and perfect in a Miami pool. And they might just be right.
Erin Heatherton continues to break our hearts and bust our nuts with her potential for prurient perfection. It’s always the girls with the innocent faces and the naughty bodies that hurt us the most. I suppose it’s Mother Nature’s little inside joke. Enjoy.
Erin Heatherton was once a young Hebrew School Hottie favorite on Egotastic!, and she’ll always own a place in our nether regions junior Hall of Fame, but we can’t deny that her decision to be the latest to play the beard-ess role for Leo DiCaprio threw us for a complete loop, and not a fun loop, but the roller coaster when you’re a kid and you’ve had to much cotton candy and fruit punch kind of barfy loop. It was disturbing, and disappointing.
However, we’d be lying if we didn’t say that we are completely shallow, superficial, semi-degenerate-leaning individuals who are willing to pretty much overlook anything that gets in the way of us leering at super bikini hotness, including Erin Heatherton on a Victoria’s Secret bikini shoot down in South Florida. How can we ever stay angry at that fun body? We can’t. Enjoy.
Are you like me? Have you just been clamoring ceaselessly for a sequel to the movie Grown Ups, unable to go on with your daily life, let alone plan long term without knowing if there’d be a second edition to this cinematic fable? Yeah, probably not. But I bet you are like me in wanting to see a first look at Erin Heatherton on the set of Grown Ups 2, dressed as a cheerleader, and providing a healthy dose of cheerleader car wash fantasy goodness.
Now, I’m not sure if Erin Heatherton is still fake-dating Leo DiCaprio or not, but I do know that this Hebrew School hottie has me doing three cheers in my… well, just take a look for yourself and see if you don’t want to go back to a made-up high school filled with hot blonde soapy cheerleaders. Enjoy.
Vanity isn’t just for celebrity breakfast anymore, it’s now driving more and more of our sextastic hotties to check themselves out in the mirror and say ‘Damn, I’m fine, the world needs to see some of this.’ Snap snap. And to the web they go with their photos of their favorite subjects — themselves — which works out just about perfect for us gentleman oglers.
This week’s sextastic Twitpic roundup includes self-contributions of hotness from the likes of Kaley Cuoco in little bikinis, Bar Refaeli looking ever hot, Miley Cyrus in love with her own legs, Sara Jean Underwood forever in a bikini and about a bazillion more sweethearts self-portraiting themselves straight into our loins. You owe it to yourself to feed their vanity. Enjoy.
I still hold a tender place in my heart for every girl I ever felt up at a school dance or formal. I hold a tender place in my groin for one of them who kicked me thusly on one of my Bryan Adams ballad reach-arounds, but I hold no grudges. So I was especially moved to see the hotness abounding at the Spring Dinner Dance charity function in N.Y.C. last night where a slew of sextastic celebs and models got decked out for a great cause, well, two great causes if you consider the visual delights for us gentleman oglers a great cause, and how can you not.
Among the wonderful wonderments of the female form in attendance were Jessica White, who we never see enough of, recently released from Leo’s beardish clutches, Erin Heatherton, wicked hot new mom, Doutzen Kroes, and sultry goddess, Selita Ebanks. Were all of these ladies wearing far too much clothing for our tastes last eve? Yes, of course. But I think you’ll find that a simple twist of the imagination screws will have them dancing nekkid in your mind in no time. Least, they’re doing the clothes-less rumba in my head as we speak. Enjoy.