If you are an avid Dancing with the Stars fan, I want you to know, you’re safe here. This is a judgement free zone. Loser ahem.
The DWTS producers have assembled another motley crew of C and D list celebrities to tango on the upcoming season, none of which is of much consequence to Egotastic! save for two contestants, the freshly de-Clooney’d hottie Elisabetta Canalis and newcomer soccer goalie statuesque Hope Solo, neither of whom will I spend a minute watch dancing unless it’s at a club called Cheetah’s or the Champagne Lounge, but they both looked rather hot at last nights DWTS lineup announcement party.
Guys, if your girl makes you watch this show, I can only hope you’re getting some compensatory nookie. Enjoy.
Sure, breakups are hard. No matter which end of the split you’re on. (Personally, my record is 0-5-1 in terms of who broke up with whom, with my one tie even in dispute as she claims she left me a voicemail a solid seventeen minutes in advance of my breakup email.) But I have to think breakups, even with George Clooney, are far easier when you’re rich, hot, and your life consists mainly of sunbathing on the forecastle of world-class yachts in various Mediterranean ports of call.( Or, at least it’s easier than when you’re dumped and you still have to show up at Subway Sandwiches the next morning for your certified sandwich maker exam — that was brutal.)
Just ogling these Elisbetta Canalis bikini pictures leave me quite assured that she will soon be dating another rich dude in fancy clothes with the names of French and Italian men stitched inside. And, I’m happy for her. A girl this hot deserves phenomenal attention. But, Elisabetta, should you ever want the simple pleasures of a foot-long sub prepared in precisely the manner you desire, please, dont’ hesitate to call. Enjoy.
A man could have himself a good life just living off the seconds of George Clooney; I mean, not immediately after seconds, but, long term speaking, natch. Krista Allen, Salma Hayek, Lucy Liu, Kelly Preston, etc, etc, and most definitely, etc., and, now, add super hot Italian model and actress Elisabetta Canalis to that list. Yep, another super sexy celebrity girlfriend bites the Clooney dust. Rumor has it, Elisabetta brought up the ‘M’ word with George, and, don’t you know he’s halfway out the door before the second syllable of that word is even uttered.
Not that Elisabetta Canalis will have a hard time finding a new man, what with being rich and famous and that amazing bikini body of hers, seen here earlier this month on Mexican beach holiday. I mean, I’m definitely throwing my own hat into the ring. But, I tell you this, the minute the first ‘George was so cute when…’ story comes up, I’m outta there, I mean, the very next morning at least. Enjoy.
Kate Middleton gets a little wet. (SocialiteLife)
Elisabetta Canalis is ready to mingle. (HuffPo)
Audrina Patridge wearing bikinis. (FoxNews)
Miley Cyrus pictures from down under. (Celebuzz)
Sofia Vergara asstastic is caliente. (Celebslam)
Britney Spears sexy new music video. (GossipCop)
Hot tubs. Hotter chicks. (Break)
It’s been a long, hotness week at Cannes. Next year, I swear, I’m going in person, even if I have to sleep on the public beach again. Sexy actress rubbing elbows and bare backs with ridiculously hot models and a bunch of rich dudes with yachts and dark tans. It’s all there. And the big windup came last night at the amfAR Gala where the best of the hottest came together in a giant flaming visual orgy of decked-out sextastic that included Alessandra Ambrosio, Irina Shayk, Bar Refaeli, Doutzen Kroes, Elisabetta Canalis, Gwen Stefani, Michelle Rodriguez, Rosario Dawson, Mischa Barton, and Mila Jovovich. Oh, yeah, Courtney Love was also there falling out of her top, so we thought that at least made her worth a couple ogles or two. Can you imagine how badly your neck would hurt after hanging out at a hottie hullabaloo like this? Enjoy.
Sometimes life seems unfair. Why couldn’t I be a famous Italian fashion designer with a monster yacht dotted with tons of global hotties in bikinis waiting to change for me into outfits of my own design? I blame the fact that I’m left-handed and unable to use right-handed scissors without spastic mis-cuts, elsewise, I could have been Roberto Cavalli, who has hosted just a gaggle of sexy celebrities on his bazillion dollar watercraft these past few days off the shore of Cannes, not the least hotness of which is Elisabetta Canalis, Italian model and erstwhile George Clooney girlfriend (talk about another lucky bastard right there) who pranced and sun-baked about the Cavalli yacht in a skimpy bikini to basically drive most of the entire male world (and you leering ladies) into ogling madness. Elisabetta Canalis keeps her buttockal region in some serious ship-shape. Next year, I’m going to be on a yacht in Cannes. Or, you know, a dinghy on Lake Eerie. Enjoy.
(UPDATE: We got hold of the pimping dress shots Elisabetta Canalis was on the yacht to wear and look ridiculously hot in and added them to the post. Look for sweet sweet pokes. Enjoy.)
January Jones is quite alluring. (FoxNews)
Kim Cattrall strips off her clothes. (HuffPo)
Gwen Stefani storms France. (GlobalGrind)
Every gamer’s first two crushes. (CollegeHumor)
Elisabetta Canalis in bikini bottoms. (Popoholic)
Pictures of hot chicks. (Break)
Ivanka Trump dresses like Playboy Bunny. (GossipCop)