Elisabetta Canalis

Bump No More

January Jones body looks damn good considering a human being was just living in there. (SocialiteLife)

Angela Simmons gets (covered) nude for PETA. (HuffPo)

Her marriage might be in trouble, but at least Demi Moore is still hot. (FoxNews)

Avril Lavigne, sexy birthday girl. (Idolator)

Elisabetta Canalis battling it out with Stacy Keibler? (GossipCop)

Salma Hayek loves herself some Puss. (LaineyGossip)

How the effed-up economy is hurting your favorite characters. (Cracked)

Elisabetta Canalis Flashes the Sexy Italiana Midriff (In Your Face, Clooney)

To hell with public decency, it would be indecent of model hottie and Dancing With the Stars early favorite, Elisabetta Canalis, to not show that taut and tight tummy of hers when running out from the studio to grab a quick sandwich (and, let’s be real, she’s not eating sandwiches, but perhaps to purchase a leaf or two of Romaine).  The freshly single and de-Clooney’d hottie has been working up a serious sweat the past few weeks, beginning what she’s calling her new life, which I can only hope doesn’t mean she’s already worked her way past the new for a underwhelming, emotionally empty, rebound shtupping, because I do believe this is my best, and only, chance. Enjoy.

Elisabetta Canalis Super Hot, Even Clothed

I’m not sure if seeing how super hot Elisabetta Canalis can look make me more of less jealous of George Clooney for tapping that lust tree like a Vermont syrup farmer until just a month or so ago. In this Cinzia Camela photoshoot, the Italian model turned actress turned Dancing with the Stars contestant shows that she doesn’t have to take her clothes off to affect the male ogler in the shape of, well, the maple tree itself. This sextastic model is so hot, I want to cry into the Hugo Boss handkerchief my girlfriend got me right before I found out she was sleeping with the dude at the Hugo Boss store. It’s a painful memory, but an amazingly soft handkerchief. Enjoy.

Elisabetta Canalis Goes (Covered) Nekkid In Defense of the Critters

Not sure how many times I’ve sent PETA an angry letter now reminding their P.R. machine that ‘So-and-So Hottie Celebrity’ is not really nekkid in their anti-fur campaign if you’re blocking all their gloriously fun parts. Nekkid is nekkid. Don’t get me wrong, I love fuzzy-haired creatures, and, I super lust the likes of sexy Elisabetta Canalis flashing tons o’ skin and sideboob (not to mention sidebutt), but she’s not nekkid. Trust me, me and George Clooney know the difference.

So, PETA, keep the foxes and the minks in the scope of your good intentions, but please don’t cry ‘beaver’ unless you really got the goods. Enjoy.

Elisabetta Canalis Flashes Her Finely Tuned Body for a Post-George Comeback

Look, at some point, if you’re a hot actress or model, there’s about an 89% chance you’ll end up in the sack with George Clooney, and 100% chance thereafter that you’ll be dumped by Clooney when you bring up the ‘M’ word. So, lesson learned, Elisabetta Canalis, who seems to have faired well from her recent dumpage, something international supermodels are simply not programmed to handle I suppose, but Elisabetta seems to have been working the weights and fine tuning her already finely tuned body for a post-George rebound, starting with her Dancing With the Stars engagement. Good on you, Elisabetta, now, let’s turn this negative into a positive with some nekkid photos perhaps? Enjoy.

Hope Solo and Elisabetta Canalis Sexy Standouts Among the New Dancing With the Stars D-List

If you are an avid Dancing with the Stars fan, I want you to know, you’re safe here. This is a judgement free zone. Loser ahem.

The DWTS producers have assembled another motley crew of C and D list celebrities to tango on the upcoming season, none of which is of much consequence to Egotastic! save for two contestants, the freshly de-Clooney’d hottie Elisabetta Canalis and newcomer soccer goalie statuesque Hope Solo, neither of whom will I spend a minute watch dancing unless it’s at a club called Cheetah’s or the Champagne Lounge, but they both looked rather hot at last nights DWTS lineup announcement party.

Guys, if your girl makes you watch this show, I can only hope you’re getting some compensatory nookie. Enjoy.

Elisabetta Canalis Single, Bikini Hot, and on a Motherf***ing Boat

Sure, breakups are hard. No matter which end of the split you’re on. (Personally, my record is 0-5-1 in terms of who broke up with whom, with my one tie even in dispute as she claims she left me a voicemail a solid seventeen minutes in advance of my breakup email.) But I have to think breakups, even with George Clooney, are far easier when you’re rich, hot, and your life consists mainly of sunbathing on the forecastle of world-class yachts in various Mediterranean ports of call.( Or, at least it’s easier than when you’re dumped and you still have to show up at Subway Sandwiches the next morning for your certified sandwich maker exam — that was brutal.)

Just ogling these Elisbetta Canalis bikini pictures leave me quite assured that she will soon be dating another rich dude in fancy clothes with the names of French and Italian men stitched inside. And, I’m happy for her. A girl this hot deserves phenomenal attention. But, Elisabetta, should you ever want the simple pleasures of a foot-long sub prepared in precisely the manner you desire, please, dont’ hesitate to call. Enjoy.