Courtney Stodden

Courtney Stodden Shows Off Her Melons in the Meat Department

By Bill Swift | April 26, 2012 @ 12:29 pm

Courtney Stodden Yellow Dress at the Grocery Store

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(Look, don't kill the messenger, it's not like I exactly control what goes on around here. There are the evil elves to contend with. And, no I don't mean mythological woodland humanoid creatures, I mean the short-stacked underaged A.D.D. kids from Myanmar we pay in Fun Dip candy packs who absolutely think underaged Courtney Stodden is the skanky bomb. I deny them their Courtney, all of a sudden my Facebook Mafia Wars account disappears. It's like that around here.)

Courtney Stodden, or as we like to think of her, Stephen King's Carrie with Fun Bags, hit the grocery story in her super tight dress and pushed up everything underneath, in order to shop for a couple essentials, essentials such as gawks, stares, and attention. Her grandpa/husband/stat rapist stood at her side, carrying the heavier items such as guilt, shame, and awkwardness. It was another Courtney Stodden moment, we share with you, and please our angry elves. Enjoy.

THE BIKINI AND FUR COAT: ANOTHER STODDEN CLASSY CLASSIC

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Courtney Stodden Yanks Her Bike Chain as the Lolita Self-Publicity Tour Rolls Along

By Bill Swift | April 25, 2012 @ 1:48 pm

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There's a feeling I get when I look to the west, and these days it's often a feeling of confusion at the latest beach photoshoots from teen wannabe drama queen Courtney Stodden. The fact that she got married and lost her virginity at 16 to her stand-in grandpa is actually now the most normal thing about her.

In her most recent incarnation of underaged teen sex on the beach, Courtney fixes her bike, roams the beach, and plays volleyball like a true future porn star champ, all in a cleavage revealing top and butt baring bottom. If you want to look, I give you absolution from any and all venal sin stuff. I can actually do that. If you don't want to look because of Courtney's 17 going on 45 years of age, I can respect that too. Except for missing that butt shot, that one you really should see. Enjoy.

'MEMBER WHEN COURtNEY DESTROYED THE PUMPKIN PATCH FOR KIDS?

Courtney Stodden and Shauna Sand at the Pumpkin Patch

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Courtney Stodden Shows Off Her Underaged Eggs for Easter

By Bill Swift | April 8, 2012 @ 8:57 pm

Courtney Stodden Poses as a Naughty Easter Bunny

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If you didn't see this coming, then you have not been paying attention to the wretchedly magnificent career of still underaged teen reality star wannabe-so-badly Courtney Stodden, who has taken her stab at putting a naughty stank on every holiday for the past nine months or so. She's dropped her jailbait turducken on Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and, now, Easter time, in her now traditional white bikini with padding giving her that perfect 40-year old washed up cheerleader who slept with everybody on the team but never got married look.

And, yet, we stare. And to those of you who will write, and you will, telling us that posting these pictures of Courtney Stodden trying to use her teen body parts were not even allowed to mention because she is a teen to gain fame and fortune is all just us leering at a roadside traffic accident, well, yeah. We do look at traffic accidents. It's human nature. We're built that way. And, we're built to leer at Courtney Stodden, I mean, in a polite to the innocent young lady sort of way, natch. Happy Easter.

COURTNEY STODDEN DEGRADED CHRISTMAS FASTER THAN A TAINTED FRUIT CAKE

Courtney Stodden Bikini Christmas Photoshoot

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Courtney Stodden Underaged Bikini Pictures Ruin Rollerblading and Relationships With Grandpa

By Bill Swift | March 23, 2012 @ 10:13 am

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As we have scientifically documented, Courtney Stodden and her grandpa/husband are on a mission to destroy all that is (remaining) good and holy in America.

There ain't that much left to hit, but the 17-year old skeez with the 40-year old hard-life stripper body set her eyes today on the wonderfully traditional iconography of roller skating. Not roller blading, that horrible hipster phase from the 1990's that cost me half my friends by way of social exile, but roller skating, that wholesome All-American recreational sport popularized in the 1950's and perfected in Xanadu. But, no longer wholesome, now that Courtney and her stat-rap husband have seen fit to skank it up with bits and pieces of unctuous fame-mongering.

Yet, undeniably, there is that body. I mean, under-aged and all, so we mustn't destroy its innocence.

You can check out the entire set of Courtney Stodden bikini pictures on roller skates exclusively on Celebuzz.

COURTNEY STODDEN IN HER EVEN YOUNGER, TEEN MODELING WANNABE PHASE

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Courtney Stodden Bikini Pictures Take Aim At Another Bit of Americana

By Bill Swift | March 16, 2012 @ 2:45 pm

Courtney Stodden Bikini Pictures from Her Attempt at Surfing

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Just walk away little girl.

First, teen desperate to be recognized Courtney Stodden attacked the institution of marriage, well, technically, first, statutory rape laws, then marriage to a man old enough to be her grandpa. Then, she went after the Halloween Pumpkin Patch, Santa Clause, and several other tried and true cultural traditions of warmth and family. Now, she's got her underaged, pushed up bikini body into yet another bit of Americana -- surfing. Don't let the Stars & Stripes bikini fool you, this minx is out to burn it all down, laying waste to whatever lay in the path of her destiny to be the next train wreck reality star.

And the worst part is, because she's only seventeen, we can't even comment on her bikini body. There are so many double standards at play here, we're tongue-tied. Enjoy.

COURTNEY MAKES KIDS CRY AT THE PUMPKIN PATCH; COURTNEY DON'T CARE

Courtney Stodden Dresses Up for Halloween

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Kate Upton, Kim Kardashian, and Aubrey O’Day Highlight the Weekly Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

By Bill Swift | March 2, 2012 @ 10:31 am

Georgia Salpa in Glasses and a White Tank Twitpic

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You know what a dream it is for us when the hot celebrities start taking skin-filled photos of themselves to send around the world-wide digisphere, it's like half of our naughty-filled jobs being done for us. And who doesn't love when the likes of Kate Upton and Kim Kardashian give you half a job? Just kidding, the latter at least would charge you a fortune.

But Kate, and Kim, and Aubrey O'Day, Nina Agdal, Arianny Celeste, Georgia Salpa, Jessica Alba, Courtney Stodden, and the other Kardashians and Jenner girls all obliged us with hot Twitpics this week. And, for this, we give thanks. Check them out, and, enjoy.

Courtney Stodden Homages Marilyn Monroe And Takes Down Yet Another Americana Institution

By Bill Swift | February 18, 2012 @ 8:55 am

Courtney Stodden Poses as Marilyn Monroe for Photoshoot

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First, she violated the pumpkin patch and Halloween for kids, then she almost single-handedly snuffed Christmas and Santa iconography, now underaged teen bride Courtney Stodden is destroying Marilyn Monroe. Not that Marilyn's classic pose hasn't already been virtually urinated on by the likes of so many other trampy celebs before, but this might just seal the deal. Courtney Stodden will do whatever it takes to be famous. Bang some old dude because he has an IMDB.com credit. Place various forms of carbon-non-neutral plastic products in her brassiere. And even try to sell herself to MTV. That's just shameful.

I'm not sure what the future holds for Courtney, but I'm guessing it's something along the lines of pregnant by 18, divorced by 19, and doing some films for private gentleman's pleasure by 20. But that is just a guess. Until that time, just keep your doors locked in case she comes b looking for sugar.

(By the way, we included the picture of Courtney's husband who seems to have her wrapped up in a vise grip like a kidnapped counter girl during a holdup at the Tastee-Freez. And that goofy-faced bodyguard. Something weird and shady is going on. But then I guess we already knew that.)