Pardon My French

Damn, Ciara looks good. (Celebuzz)

Happy birthday, Gwen Stefani. (HuffPo)

Shauna Sand vs. Brooke Hogan: Bikini Battle. (FoxNews)

The sequel to Moneyball is way better than the original. (CollegeHumor)

Camille Grammer in a little, black bikini. (TMZ)

Rachel Bilson takes her legs for a walk. (DrunkenStepfather)

Sonic the Hedgehog gets advice from his agent. (CollegeHumor)

Celebrity Guests Fleeing from Kardashian Wedding

Apparently, once word got out that Kris Jenner was flipping the switch to ‘cash bar’ at the Kim Kardashian and that other dude’s wedding, celebrities began to flee in droves. A pretty hot looking Ciara seemed to have left by herself, a snookered Lindsay Lohan desperately tried not to hurl on her five-finger discounted diamonds, Demi Lovato appeared rather chipper, and even Khloe Kardashian peeled away, desperate to find a still open Black Angus, with her younger hottie hostage half-sister, Kendall Jenner in tow

(Don’t forget to like our Free Kendall Jenner page on Facebook as we gear up for an upcoming rescue attempt of the still salvageable young lass.)

You may take note of the lack of color among the guests at the wedding, as a black and white only dress code was strictly enforced, which I think is a failure of this reboot, because in the original Godfather, they let Mama wear pink. Enjoy.

Weekend Links

Ciara shows some skin. (Celebuzz)

Nicole Kidman reveals her sexy legs. (HuffPo)

Nicole Scherzinger rocks her asstastic off. (GossipCenter)

Rachel Bilson, Kristen Bell and AnnaLynne McCord: Three’s a party. (SocialiteLife)

The hottest girls of Entourage. (Ranker)

I’m vibing Kelly Rowland in this photoshoot. (Idolator)

Lindsay Lohan out in short shorts. (DrunkenStepfather)

Ciara Nipple Slip Bikini Pictures (Head)Light Up South Beach



Filed under underrated hotties — Ciara.  I could do with less of the music and less of the Amar’e Stoudemire hookup stories and more of the hot-body reveals, as in these bikini pictures from Miami where the sexy singer got clobbered by a wave of Egotastic! proportions, causing a brief, minor, but delightful bit of bikini top slippage (the kind that used to get me slap across the face when it was my hand, and not a rogue wave, back in the day at the beach, you know, before all the restraining orders and such.)

Ciara, we need to see much more of you. Really, it’s only fair. Enjoy.

Ashley Greene, Miranda Kerr, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and Rihanna Lead Mega List of Met Gala Hotties

What if you had a hottie party and every hottie in Hottieville showed up?

Another year, another invitation to the Costume Gala at the Metropolitan Museum lost in the mail by my postal delivery specialist, Mr. Tritonovich. Alas, I was all dressed up in my finest Zubaz pants with nowhere to get. Thankfully, my good friends from Italy, Signor Paparaazo, kept me busy all evening long with a never-ending stream of sexy celebrities at the Met Gala. The list is ridiculous. Granted, this is a party where a bunch of dudes with exotic names and no interest whatsoever in women’s boobs, design a bunch of high-fashion for celebrities and pretend that they care how their models asses look in their couture. Nevertheless, even with billowing fabrics, feathers, and an assortment of things way to complicated for normal dudes to ever undress off of a woman, there was a supernova’s worth of heat coming off the Met red carpet last night, among which, my favorites, if forced to choose, were Ashley Greene (just incredibly hot), Miranda Kerr (and her new boobtastic), Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (getting steamier as Transformers 3 approaches), and Rihanna (who more and more resembles a classic sculpture of some hottie princess from exotic lands).

In addition to this quadrangle of sextastic quim, there were a bazillion and one other sexy celebs, but as a result of the beer-drinking-is-making-me-sleepy principal this evening, I did cut the list down to: Evan Rachel Wood (how is this girl not more highly rated?), Lily Aldridge (L.A.’s finest offspring), Bar Refaeli (Israeli hottie), Beyonce (the booty call of my dreams), Fergie (I’d like to add my gravy to her peas), Madonna (oh yea, give it up for Madge at 52), Kristen Stewart (who could not bring herself to smile), Taylor Swift (just a classic beauty), Kate Hudson (pregnant by yet another rocker), Jessica Alba (naturally), Salma Hayek (veteran MILF hottie), Ciara (still don’t know who she is, still lust her), Emma Roberts (getting toward sextastic levels), Gwynneth Paltrow (I don’t like her, but I’d tap that… nevermind), Christina Hendricks (busty and delicious), Penelope Cruz (en fuego MILF), Blake Lively (the newest hottest ginger), Sofia Vergara (the maker of wanton dreams), Lea Michele (Glee petite sweet), Dianna Agron (mo’ mo’ Glee hottie), Gisele Bundchen (belongs on every hottie list), and Zoe Saldana (one of my secret lust crushes).

Wow. If you remove all the hotties from that list and add my grandma, you have my most recent birthday party E-vite YES list. Enjoy.

2011 Grammy Awards Sextastic Celebrities Give Me Treble In My Loins

Okay, so I admit, I fell asleep halfway through this year’s Grammy Awards. Well, technically, half way through the first five minutes of the Grammy’s. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I turned it off when Lady Gaga arrived in an egg. Call me old-fashioned, but back in my day, when a girl was unattractive, she just wore a ball-cap low over her head and showed off her cleavage. Still, this is my job (I mean, as much as my fantasy life leads me to believe I am gainfully employed), so I tuned on the DVR and did a run-through in Egotastic! motion. Not bad really on the sexy celebrity side this year. Always hit or miss at the Grammy’s. And, for me, the surprise hit of the night was definitely Jennifer Hudson. Wow. Girl lost several stone of potatoes and gained my hardcore lust in the process. Welcome to Egotastic!, Jennifer, and, bravo.

Along with Jennifer Hudson, other standout sextastic for me included Selena Gomez (so hot without her midget in tow), Heidi Klum (whose contribution to the music world is banging Seal), Paz Vega (for that barely there dress), Kim Kardashian’s butt (injected with fat culled from dead baby seals), Katy Cocktease (big boobs never hurt, always help), Rihanna (something about that body and her see-through dresses), and Ciara (who is now front and center in my dominatrix dreams). Enjoy.

And, while I once again received zero invitations this year to any Grammy parties (somebody is obviously stealing my mail), I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out for your ogling pleasure the dress worn by Miley Cyrus at the Clive Davis’ Grammy Pre-Party. While I do think it ought be considered a crime against nature to hand Miley Cyrus a working microphone, I will say this, she dolls up perty. And in this tight little number, well, you must enlarge to check out her cleavage compression.

Photo credit: INF Photo / / Splash News