Brooke Burke

Brooke Burke Boobtastic Puts the Mmm in MILFtastic

As you may know, each month, a small mountain of women's magazines arrives at the doorstep of my quaint pied-à-terre, a time at which I must brave the taunts of the neighborhood middle school boys to retrieve my periodicals, only to be met by the sweet relief of locking myself into my abode for several days of page turning. Beyond the perfume sample scents and the wonderful ideas for looking fabulous at forty or dropping 15 lbs. in the last week before my wedding, there are the bevy of beautiful celebrities not originally intended for the male viewer, but those which I know deserve sharing among the more hirsute gender.

Case in point, Brooke Burke in Redbook. Oh, sure, Brooke Burke and her ridiculously hot body after bearing something like 17 children naturally through her motherly pipes is an inspiration to women everywhere. But she's also hella hawt and a boobtastic fantastic celebration for the optical nerves of the gentleman ogler. Booke Burke in a bra top jogging, and smelling like eau d' toilette, right here on the pages of my Redbook. All I need is a pint of Hagen Daaz and I'm in heaven. Enjoy.

Brooke Burke Sweats It Out on the Big Ball (VIDEO)

We can hand our virtual MILF awards all day long, but nobody but nobody has the lasting long body after having like 17 kids as does Brooke Burke. Is it heaven sent? Yes, in part. But this girl works it hard to keep that ridiculously sexy body in shape after offloading a poundful of puppies through her offspring tract. And there's nothing I delight in more than watching somebody work out hard from the comfort and convenience of the king La-Z-Boy recliner here in the offices. See for yourself if Brooke inspires you to roll over your own workout balls. Enjoy.

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Brooke Burke Will Never Be Not Hot

I have this feeling like you could build a time machine, jet forward a thousand years or so, find Brooke Burke, and she'd still be hot. Check out these Brooke Burke pictures from the Stuart House Benefit over the weekend. She's clearly drinking from some kind of fountain of hotness because she just seems to get sexier and sexier as she gets older. Personally, I was gorgeous in middle school, and, now I'm down to just super hot. But not Brooke Burke, she's building in sextastic toward some kind of uber Great-Great-Grandmother-ILF that will cause the universe to implode when one million young men eight decades her junior suddenly begin fapping to thoughts of Brooke Burke. Don't worry, when that time comes, we'll be live blogging here on Egotastic! Enjoy.

Photo credit: Fame

Leopard Print Memories Brought on by Hollywood Fashion Event

 

Oh, faux pas Jaime King and Lesser Good Looking Hilton Sister, for attending the UK Style French Connection Event wearing matching frocks, albeit, the style of the evening seemed to be geared on leopard print, so the odds were always there, but bet your keester some publicist or wardrobe girl was unceremoniously canned last night after the gig. That's how Hollywood rolls, baby, when you take a walk on the wild side.

Beside the matching twins, the event featured Carmen Electra, one of my veteran hotties who sadly refused to remove her jacket (read as: new boob job), and Wild On wild one Brooke Burke, who despite having like seventeen children pushed through her vajayjay, continues to look downright lean and animal. Enjoy.

Photo credit: Splash News

I must say, as me and the indentured slave kids I use for labor here were discussing hot celebrities in wild jungle outfits, none of them could even remember the amazingly sexy Gena Lee Nolin in her fabulous portrayal of Sheena, Queen of the Jungle on television about a decade ago:

And, yes, while I grow long in the tooth and short in the beard, twas only your humble blogger among all these illegal workers who could remember that that the Sheena TV show was based upon the early 1980's movie, Sheena, featuring the one time replacement Charlie's Angel, Tanya Roberts, in full boobtastic glory:

Brooke Burke Killer MILF Body on Display And Seriously In Shape

I can't remember the precise count, but Brooke Burke has had something like eleventeen hundred children in the past decade or so. It's some amazing number that rivals only the sub-Saharan pygmy squirrels in terms of spawning prowess. Meanwhile, I've borne zero children, not for lack of practice mind you, but still, zero pups through the pupae shoot and somehow Brooke Burke looks something close to a gazillion billion times better than I do. Even people who try really really hard to look as hot and hard bodied as Brooke Burke don't look as hot and hard bodied as Brooke Burke. In fact, just file Brooke Burke and her amazing sexy looks under the category of life is simultaneously unfair and marvelous. And use these smoking hot Brooke Burke pictures from this month's Shape magazine as Exhibit A. Enjoy.

Egotastic! Sexy Celebrity Halloween Ho’ Down Includes Slips, Cleavage, and Latex

 

Here's my Halloween in a nutshell. My girlfriend dressed as a naughty nurse, tres original, and after a few Ghoul's Liquored Punches at my friend Ervin the Tree's haunted apartment party, I kind of might of kissed the wrong naughty nurse, the one that wasn't my girlfriend. That cost me, that cost me big time. Same story every year on Halloween, all trick, no treat. I lack proper foresight.

I ought stick to what I know, like sexy celebrities at their far superior Halloween parties this past weekend. We've picked out five noteworthy sexy bombs in costumes for our Egotastic! Halloween Ho'Down roundup. These weren't necessarily the sexiest, but the most noteworthy of the all-hallowed saints.

Paris Hilton as a Nipple Slipping Squaw:

Kim Kardashian as Little Red Boobtastic Hood:

The ever-hot Brooke Burke as Shiny Pussy:

J-Woww As A Naughty Schoolgirl With Naughty Bits Showing:

And, Renee Olstead as Oh, I've Died and Gone To Ginger Heaven!:

Photo credit: Splash News / Fame / GSi media

Jewel Cleavage Edges Out Keri Russell Nipple Poke To Lead Egotastic! Top 10 Hotties at 2010 Emmy Awards

When Gretchen, my six-fingered assistant, awoke me from my Nyquil-induced slumber screaming into the phone about how hot Kate Gosselin looked at the 2010 Emmy Awards, I knew two things: first, I have got to change my cell phone number, and, second, it was going to be a lean year for the sexy at TV's annual award show. Heck, I don't know if my top two picks, Jewel and Keri Russell, are even on TV. For all the effed up nonsense of the movie business, the silver screen has a good leg-up on television when it comes to the hottie factor.

Still, there are some amazing looking woman on the boob tube, many of whom made our list of Top 10 Hotties at the 2010 Emmy Awards, in spite of the fact that a whole lot of this year's small screen ladies sure looked like they were some guy's third string option to the prom circa 1996. Honestly, a shout-out to the dead singer of Blind Melon would not have surprised me in the least.

Here's my Top 10 among the pretty lean crop this season, pictured from left to right: Jewel, Keri Russell, Maria Menounos, Olivia Munn, Christina Hendricks, Eva Longoria, Nina Dobrev, Sofia Vergara, January Jones, and Brooke Burke.

Photo credit: Fame / Splash News