Honestly, I wasn’t sure we’d ever really see Britney Spears in a bikini again after her commitment to both sanity and motherhood and loose fitting jeans and tops. It’s been hard to tell precisely what’s going on with Britney’s formerly bodacious body of late, other than a flattening out of the derriere in a plague common to the plight of suburban moms.
But, I must say, I’m pleasantly surprised at how Britney’s bikini body is holding up.
It’s not Britney of 2003, but it’s also not Britney of 2009. Somebody’s been working hard to stay away from Mickey D’s and it’s showing. Good for Britney. Good for us. Unexpected bits of celebrity bikini visuals always put me in a good mood.
It seems like the transformation process is almost complete. Britney Spears the young sexually suggestive diva into the soccer mom in the jean shorts, tight tank, and knobby knees. And, yes, the knobby knees does go with soccer moms, not sure why, but they are a must.
Not that we don’t have plenty of soccer mom fantasies. A few. Since boyhood years and having all those orange slices thrust upon us by the loving hands of the occasionally cleavage revealing mature woman. It’s just that we will somehow miss the former Britney as she fades into the minivan world of fast food and oversized handbags and always slightly uncoordinated mom sports claps. Still, those orange slices, mmm. Enjoy.
Second only to the Vanity Fair Oscar-Party each year, Elton John can draw some serious female tail to his swank post-Academy Awards, including convincing Heidi Klum to come party in a plunging neckline that had us plunging even deeper than that on sight of the German model’s MILFtastic chest ensembles.
So powerful was Heidi’s cleavage last night that she literally and figuratively towered over the other guests, some of whom, such as Miley Cyrus, Olivia Munn, Britney Spears, and Nicki Minaj, definitely deserve a nod from the oglers of their own, but none shined quite as bright as the golden clad Project Runway star. The Kardashian sisters looked like short fat trollops in comparison, or, not even by comparison.
Congratulations to Heidi Klum. We honor you with our bald upright statutes this morning. Enjoy.
Leave it to Britney Spears to still find a little chest-loving in her fairly weathered tank, propping up her chest puppies big time for a red-carpet turn at an X-Factor Viewing Party.
Now, I must admit, I have not seen a single moment of X-Factor this season, or, any season really, because despite the fact they added Britney and Demi Lovato, well, the show isn’t really for guys, and once they placed Khloe Kardashian as the new show hostess, well, that kind of sealed the deal. Still, we did believe this would be a game changer for Britney, who is still fighting to regain her sanity and independence, both practically and legally, and to remind everyone that she once was a young woman on most everybody’s Top 10 Fappable List. Enjoy.
Stop the eau de toilette presses! Britney Spears has reinvented the celebrity stank category by taking her two ‘Fantasy’ line odorifics, and merging them into one convenient ball of two separate, but equally rash-inducing scents. That’s right ladies, now you can have one Britney smell for up top, where a man might lean in to kiss you, and one Britney scent for the bottom, where Kevin Federline used to mack Britney after a sixer of Old Milwaukee. How better to feel like a woman than to smell like Britney all-over?
We must admit, we are kind of digging the black mop top wig Britney wore for her pimping photoshoot for her now 2-in-1 celebrity aroma. A little dress-up game never hurt the old naughty fantasy making machine, and Britney as a mysterious brunette? Yeah, we can definitely work with that. Enjoy.
‘Take that!’ says Britney Spears to her detractors who say she’s gotten lumpy and soft since her mental and career breakdowns of a few years ago.
The Mouseketeer turned red hot diva turned crazy-ass chick with a gun turned back to worldwide recording artist wants the world to know she’s hardly ready to give up her crown, such as it may be, as she posted a stunning hot picture of herself in a white bikini at the beach over the weekend.
Personally, we’ve never stopped with our Britney dreams, even during the heightened lunacy periods, but, then, we do have a thing for paranoid delusional girls with shaved heads, we never really would’ve lost our virginity if it weren’t for that category of wacky women. But, we know many of you need more convincing, so check out Britney’s latest pic and see if you’re ready to let the lust back in. Enjoy.
Okay, it’s telescopic, but thanks to purple bikini technology, we’ve managed to get a first glimpse of pop diva Britney Spears in her bikini on her current vacation with her former agent who I think is her husband now, but, regardless, it’s Britney Spears bikini photos.
I know some of you out there are hard on Britney, or hard for… you get the idea, we happen to think Britney is looking better now than she has in years. Maybe it’s because she’s off the psych meds and off the Mickey D’s Value Meals, but Brit may just be back. We’ll need a few more closer-in bikini pics before rendering final judgement. Enjoy.