Britney Spears

Even Grandpa Smurf Wants Katy Perry To Show Us Her Smurfs (And Other Highlights from the Smurfs 2 Premiere)

Grandpa Smurf is a wise one. At least, that's how I recall his character from a few years back in betwixt a few hellacious bong rips. Even the elder Smurf knows it's time for Katy Cocktease to stop smurfing around and let those smurfs see the sunlight. Sadly, Katy would not bow to Papa's wishes, let alone ours of the past several years, and remained entirely smurfed up, though still definitely smurfing hot at the L.A. premiere of Smurfs 2.

Joining Katy in the mini-smurfastic parade for the craptastic kids film was Britney Spears, looking a bit cleavy in Smurf blue, and former Miss Puerto Rico Joyce Giraud, smurfing up a bit of smurfy sideboob, just so the kids in the audience could get a little glimpse of adulthood fun. All in all, it seemed like a smurfy occasion for a film that even with a gun to my head would be a 50-50 proposition to view. Enjoy.

Britney Spears Braless Makes Shopping Fun for Men as Well

Britney Spears has been a long time advocate of the braless wardrobe for women. And she doesn't just talk the talk, she flops and bounces the walk. Her latest upstairs commando venture a shopping trip in L.A. where the pop music diva showed that she's just not an international superstar, she's just a regular old mom putting about without her chest puppies restrained behind her top.

Now you know we highly applaud all women who decline the use of undergarments in their public promenading. Within reason, of course, as polite society does dictate that some larger gals be granted the support they need when in motion in a communal space. But for our sextastic celebrity veterans -- yes, burn them bras, ladies. Enjoy.

Britney Spears Bikini Pictures Are An Unexpected Surprise!

Honestly, I wasn't sure we'd ever really see Britney Spears in a bikini again after her commitment to both sanity and motherhood and loose fitting jeans and tops. It's been hard to tell precisely what's going on with Britney's formerly bodacious body of late, other than a flattening out of the derriere in a plague common to the plight of suburban moms.

But, I must say, I'm pleasantly surprised at how Britney's bikini body is holding up.

It's not Britney of 2003, but it's also not Britney of 2009. Somebody's been working hard to stay away from Mickey D's and it's showing. Good for Britney. Good for us. Unexpected bits of celebrity bikini visuals always put me in a good mood.

Britney Spears Transforming Into a Soccer Mom

It seems like the transformation process is almost complete. Britney Spears the young sexually suggestive diva into the soccer mom in the jean shorts, tight tank, and knobby knees. And, yes, the knobby knees does go with soccer moms, not sure why, but they are a must.

Not that we don't have plenty of soccer mom fantasies. A few. Since boyhood years and having all those orange slices thrust upon us by the loving hands of the occasionally cleavage revealing mature woman. It's just that we will somehow miss the former Britney as she fades into the minivan world of fast food and oversized handbags and always slightly uncoordinated mom sports claps. Still, those orange slices, mmm. Enjoy.

Heidi Klum Deep Deep Cleavage Steals the Show at Elton John’s Oscar After-Party

Second only to the Vanity Fair Oscar-Party each year, Elton John can draw some serious female tail to his swank post-Academy Awards, including convincing Heidi Klum to come party in a plunging neckline that had us plunging even deeper than that on sight of the German model's MILFtastic chest ensembles.

So powerful was Heidi's cleavage last night that she literally and figuratively towered over the other guests, some of whom, such as Miley Cyrus, Olivia Munn, Britney Spears, and Nicki Minaj, definitely deserve a nod from the oglers of their own, but none shined quite as bright as the golden clad Project Runway star. The Kardashian sisters looked like short fat trollops in comparison, or, not even by comparison.

Congratulations to Heidi Klum. We honor you with our bald upright statutes this morning. Enjoy.

Britney Spears Props Up Pop-Star Cleavage at X-Factor Viewing Party

Leave it to Britney Spears to still find a little chest-loving in her fairly weathered tank, propping up her chest puppies big time for a red-carpet turn at an X-Factor Viewing Party.

Now, I must admit, I have not seen a single moment of X-Factor this season, or, any season really, because despite the fact they added Britney and Demi Lovato, well, the show isn't really for guys, and once they placed Khloe Kardashian as the new show hostess, well, that kind of sealed the deal. Still, we did believe this would be a game changer for Britney, who is still fighting to regain her sanity and independence, both practically and legally, and to remind everyone that she once was a young woman on most everybody's Top 10 Fappable List. Enjoy.

Britney Spears Wears a Black Wig for Fantasy Twist

Stop the eau de toilette presses! Britney Spears has reinvented the celebrity stank category by taking her two 'Fantasy' line odorifics, and merging them into one convenient ball of two separate, but equally rash-inducing scents. That's right ladies, now you can have one Britney smell for up top, where a man might lean in to kiss you, and one Britney scent for the bottom, where Kevin Federline used to mack Britney after a sixer of Old Milwaukee. How better to feel like a woman than to smell like Britney all-over?

We must admit, we are kind of digging the black mop top wig Britney wore for her pimping photoshoot for her now 2-in-1 celebrity aroma. A little dress-up game never hurt the old naughty fantasy making machine, and Britney as a mysterious brunette? Yeah, we can definitely work with that. Enjoy.