Audrina Patridge

Audrina Patridge in Yoga Pants Should Make Me Happier (Why Am I Not Happier?)

By Bill Swift | May 8, 2013 @ 12:19 pm

Audrina Patridge in Yoga Pants Leaving Earth Bar in Hollywood

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Because Audrina Patridge is clearly wearing panties beneath her thin stretchy black yoga pants. Silky lacy little things, no doubt, but still, where will our camel toes of tomorrow come from if our sextastic celebrities begin wearing undergarments beneath their stretch pants? You know I only bring up cultural matters when they are of the utmost significance.

I dig Audrina Patridge. If she learned the Quiet Game, she could be the perfect girlfriend. One killer hot body, good looks, the whole package, But if she's going to be part of this un-commando revolution taking place in Hollywood right now, I might just have to actually throw her out of bed. Enjoy.

MEGAN FOX WAS ALWAYS GOOD FOR CAMEL TOE IN STRETCH PANTS

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Audrina Patridge Has a Body Built for Visual Pleasure

By Bill Swift | May 2, 2013 @ 12:14 pm

Audrina Patridge Hot in Stndrd Magazine May 2013

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There's a lot to be said for Audrina Patridge the person, her smile, and.. her smile, and the way that she smiles. But if we can get past the many complexities of her personality for just a bit, I think we'd all see how super good looking and ridiculously hot bodied she really is. Let's stop looking at character for a moment and look at T&A. She deserves that.

In the new edition of The Stndrd Magazine, Audrina stretches out her amazingly sextastic form for some truly memorable moments of photographic wonderment. I mean, she really is a stunner. So, yes, sometimes when she talks the words don't make all that much sense. But the Quiet Game is a perfectly acceptable pursuit to play with Audrina while simply delighting in what she does have in spades -- lust inducement. Enjoy.

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Audrina Patridge Bikini Pictures Hula Hoop Their Way Into Your Heart

By Bill Swift | March 21, 2013 @ 11:53 am

Asstastic!

Audrina Patridge Bikini Hula Hoop for a Photoshoot in LA

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Audrina Patridge looks amazing in a bikini. You don't need to say much else about Audrina Patridge. I'm not sure there is much else. But as a core competency, she nails it.

Now, you start throwing in some props and implements like a hula hoop, and the tasty hotness bikini factor only increases. I'm not sure what it is about grown hot women playing childish games, but there's always something extra sextastic about it. If you're not imagining Audrina setting the World Record with seventeen hours of straight hula hooping in your bedroom in her bikini (or less), you need to take your libido into the shop for some tuning. Enjoy.

AUDRINA PATRIDGE DOES ONE THING AND SHE DOES IT AMAZING

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Audrina Patridge Boobtastic Ramble Across the Crosswalk

By Bill Swift | March 18, 2013 @ 11:36 am

Audrina Patridge Runs Across Crosswalk at LAX

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You've got to earn your ogling bones somewhere. Might as well be peeking at a boobtastic Audrina Patridge jogging across a crosswalk at the airport to catch her plane to Bubble Town, or wherever she goes to take her deep thoughts about tanning and looking great in a swimsuit, as she does.

Just to be clear, it's not acceptable public behavior to watch a rushing woman's chest puppies bounce up and down like it's some kind of outdoor theater. However, it is acceptable to do the very same as long as you're pretending to be looking with concern at a building post or street sign or such right next to the woman in question. Oh, also, she should be hot. Enjoy.

WE LOVE TO SPY ON AUDRINA JOGGING; IT'S OUR EXERCISE

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Audrina Patridge Brings the Puppies Out for Show at ‘Movie 43′ Red Carpet

By Bill Swift | January 24, 2013 @ 8:20 am

Audrina Patridge Cleavy Dress at 'Movie 43' Premiere in Hollywood

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We've kind of missed Audrina Patridge. Despite rarely getting more than an 'um' or an 'um, yeah, um' out of the former Hills starlet, we've always dug the helium-headed hottie for her ability to drop some sweet body visuals in public spaces, including last night at the Movie 43 premiere in Hollywood, where Audrina pushes up her chest petals for a little airing out on the red carpet.

Now, one question we often get asked is if we can really respect a girl whose mind numbskulling sensibilities might drive us crazy, despite the fact that she's one sextastic female form. And, of course, the answer is no, not really. But we'd also say that if you're asking such questions about a girl you'd like to slather in hot cocoa and play a game of 'Find the Mini-Marshmallows' with, you're way over-thinking this whole respect thing. Enjoy.

DID WE NEGLECT TO MENTION HOW MUCH WE DIG AUDRINA'S MOM TOO?

Audrina Patridge and Her Mother, Lynn Patridge, At the Beach in Bikinis

Audrina Patridge in Red and Blue Bikinis on the Beach

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Audrina Patridge Whips Out the Leather Short Shorts for a No Bull View of Her Hot Legs

By Bill Swift | August 23, 2012 @ 9:17 am

Audrina Patridge is Leggy in Leather Short Shorts in Beverly Hills

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This is most definitely becoming the summer of the sextastic legs in Hottieville, with each leading lady trying to outdo each other in the alluring stems department. For those of us who admittedly must check off 'hot legs' in our long list of fetishes, this is a truly inspiring turn of events.

Audrina Patridge is the latest to venture into the contest of lower limb exhibition, flashing her gams by way of a pair of leather short shorts that had our jaws dropping, our tongues wagging, and for some odd reason, found us reaching for our wallets. Reflexive action I suppose. Enjoy.

AUDRINA PATRIDGE DOES ONE THING QUITE WELL -- BIKINI BODY

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Stacy Keibler and Audrina Patridge Form a Hotness Sandwich Whilst Pimping in Vegas

By Bill Swift | June 5, 2012 @ 10:10 am

Stacy Keibler and Audrina Patridge at Simon G Jewelry Launch in Palazzo Las Vegas Hotel

Stacy Keibler in a Black Revealing Dress at Simon G Jewelry Launch

Audrina Patridge in a White Tight Dress at Simon G Jewelry Launch

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I couldn't possibly not share the not-so-crusty sandwich ends of what could be the most remarkably hot sandwich of the week with Stacy Keibler and Audrina Patridge pimping the shizz out of some jewelry store launch in Vegas over the weekend.

The two super hot-bodied celebs primped and preened and smiled and strutted and tried to sell silver, gold, and sextastic and made me wonder what it might be like to turn to my left in the morning and see Stacy, turn to my right and see Audrina, then just turn up to face the heavens and whisper an almighty thanks. Enjoy.