Ashley Greene

Ashley Greene Is Pink and Hot and Good to Go All Over for ‘Apparition’ Premiere

It’s been a good long while since we had a full-on Ashley Greene motel weekend fantasy, but I feel a doozy coming on after seeing these pictures of the ridiculously hot young actress decked out and flashing cleave and legs at the red carpet premiere of Apparition last night in L.A.

I’m picturing Ashley and myself, her hands bound in some kind of soft, yet secure binding, at her own request, natch, some kind of silk tie that is barely noticeable by the front desk clerk at the Travelodge right off the freeway where I check-in with just Ashley, four wash-cloth sized towels, and a bag of Ore-Ida frozen crinkle cut fries and we play a little game I like to call, Baking the Taters. We won’t emerge from our alley-view second floor room for 36-hours, leaving behind nothing but happy memories and the smell of Idaho a few weeks past tuber harvest season. Oh, Ashley, you do inspire. Enjoy.

Ashley Greene, Maria Menounous, and Olivia Munn Make Us Want to ‘Do Something’ Very Indecent at Red Carpet Event

Seriously, you can not have a big shindig called the ‘Do Something’ event and then parade out the likes of Ashley Greene, Maria Menounos, Olivia Munn, Lea Michele, Nicole Murphy, Sophia Bush, and Bella Thorne, and not expect us to be imagining that something we’d most definitely want ro do (Bella exception of course due to her age, despite her looking much older, we do have rules).

Now, I think they mean Do Something good for your neighborhood or planet or something like that, and we certainly do intend to do that, starting with making some awesome looking babies with Ashley and Maria, that will be our legacy to the planet. Other people can work on the ozone and such so our beautiful babies can breathe. Everybody must do their part. Enjoy.

Ashley Greene Bikini Pictures Stunning, Sextastic, and So Effin’ Hot!

We started this day with some wonderful bikini pictures and we shall complete our daily course through the valley of hotness with some bikini pictures that I feel like I’ve been waiting my entire life to see — Ashley Greene bikini pictures of the hot body and cleavetastic variety. If we had solid asstastic shots of Ashley, I’d probably dead already.

I’m not exactly sure how to process the site of our highly belusted hottie in usual hiding, Ashley Greene, out from the shadows, out of her sweatshirts, and in full bloom on the beaches of Malibu. I suppose I’ll just have a cry for a moment, perhaps, pen a sonnet, followed by a cold shower, a Maori war dance style stomp, followed by 10-45 minutes of unconsciousness, and then my seventeenth viewing of these photos. Then, repeat process. Enjoy.

Ashley Greene Gets Red Hot in the Bedroom for Esquire

So that’s where you’ve been hiding, object d’ lust, Ashley Greene.

We know we’ve seen you pounding the gym hard so what surely must follow by rule of sextastic celebrity is a ridiculously hot public exhibition, which I’d say just begins to describe the new Ashley Green ‘Women We Love’ pictorial in Esquire magazine. Ashley Greene looks wicked amazing in her little bits of lingerie clothing in her bedroom, hot enough to start our romantic fireplace blaze with just the gaze of her alluring eyes, or the shimmy of her even more alluring shimmy shakers. This is quite the thing.

Soak it in fully if you happen to love supremely hot women half-nekkid and prancing about. Enjoy.

See Behind the Scenes of Ashley’s Esquire shoot »

Ashley Greene Behind the Scenes of Her Esquire Hot Lingerie Photoshoot

Ashley Greene Tank Top Goodness Hits the Streets of L.A.

You think sexy hot celebrities don’t have to pimp themselves out like you and me for their next gigs? Oh, yeah they do. Unless you’re A-List, you’re working hard for the money, and you’re trying to look your best like Ashley Greene did for her casting session yesterday in her little tank top, because you’re still competing against ten other sextastic celebs for the same part you want so badly. And those penthouse condo and Rodeo drive boutique bills ain’t paying for themselves if you know what I mean (I’m not really sure what I mean, but I think it means that even the well-off have got to pay the rent each month).

Here’s a job employer exercise for you. Close your eyes. Now, imagine Ashley Greene enters your office flashing some cleavage, looking all kinds of her usual hotness, and she uses her sweet little voice to tell you how badly she wants the job you’re offering. Now, see if under any scenario possible, you picture yourself saying ‘no’. See what I mean. Hired! Enjoy.

Kate Beckinsale, Selena Gomez, Ashley Greene, and Gwen Stefani Highlight the Hotness at Memorial Day Party in Malibu

Here’s a riddle: what do you get when you mix together warm weather, a holiday weekend, and, Selena Gomez, Kate Beckinsale, Gwen Stefani, and Ashley Greene? Well, you get one hot-damn party that refused to let me in the front door, even when I brought a 3-lb container of Smart & Final potato salad, which I thought was rather generous on my part, even if I forgot to refrigerate it overnight.

Legendary Hollywood film producer, Joel Silver, had his annual mega-bigtime Malibu estate Memorial Day weekend when he invites all the hot celebs out to mingle, inter-mingle, and generally build a collective bit of group hotness that you don’t usually get to see. Sextastic celebrities like the spotlight, so sharing with others, well, it’s not that common. But everybody comes together for a pool party and potato chips! Enjoy.

(P.S. Not to be outdone, my Memorial Day backup party included the BBW twins from 3B who once again brought over their Twister game, insisted it was ‘nude’ Twister, drank all my Mike’s Hard Lemonade, then both passed out in a pool of lemon-scented vomit in my bathroom, leaving me a three hour chore of dragging them individually back to their apartment. Firemen’s carry be damned, I went for floor drag and I was about an hour away from using a chain saw  to start cropping more manageable chunks).