Ashley Greene

Ashley Greene Moist With Anticipation of Our Weekend Meeting That May or May Not Happen

Just when I thought I was the most excited man in the world about the opportunity to stow away with Ashley Greene to my Red Roof Inn junior suite with nothing but a Party Pak of Chalupas and a reserve of testosterone from a monk-life existence, oh, Ashley Greene goes and one ups me with some sweat around the crotchal region that seems to indicate she received one of the 137 letters I’ve recently sent her inviting her for this magical weekend getaway.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Ashley is just all wet in the succubus sections because of a strenuous workout mixed with ever-blessed yoga pants and the chances of her giving herself over to me for Cow-Jumped-Over-the-Moon cosplay in my motel room, well, about as likely the Chiefs take the Super Bowl in the next decade. But, I’m a hopeless romantic when it comes to Ashley Greene. So I shall sit and stare at her sweaty spots until I hear that knock on my second-floor-overlooking-the-parking-lot door. Enjoy.

Ashley Greene in Leather Flashing Legs; Be Still My Beating Body Part

Wow, talk about passion inducement. My long time fantasy of absconding Ashley Greene for a weekend retreat at my Red Roof Inn suite with nothing but a party pack of Chalupas and some chaffing cream has now taken a new twist. And that twist is called leather and legs. The kind Ashley Greene was flashing at a swank affair in Sin City, veritably reinforcing the ‘sin’ part of the city.

Now, I’m told this was some type of grand opening event. But, for the life of me, the only grand opening I can imagine at the moment is… well, let’s keep this family friendly. Let’s just say that I’m going to need a bigger ice cube. Ashley Greene, you are the effin’ bomb. Enjoy

Ashley Greene Cleavy and Alluring for Cosmpolitan

The more things change, like the year, the more they stay the same. Like our unbridled lust for all things Ashley Greene.

Despite basically only appearing in movies we will never see, our passion for this brunette bombshell has never ever waned from the moment we laid eyes upon her. We’ve seen her in more sextastic poses, but these photos from her recent Cosmo magazine shoot are, despite the brushing, a good example of the skills Ashley brings to the hotness table. Deadly good looks, a sweet body we’d like to ravage in spectacularly irreverent ways, and those alluring eyes that keep whispering, ‘come pour lightly melted cheese upon my nipples’. Well, that’s how we interpret them anyway. Enjoy.

Christina Ricci and Ashley Greene Bare Midriff at Vogue Fashion Fund Awards

When ladies magazines host parties, the hotties will come.

As it was last night at the Vogue Fashion Fund Awards where Christina Ricci and Ashley Greene bared some tummy and the likes of Emma Stone, Miranda Kerr, and Dakota Fanning just showing up to look fashionably engaged, and you have five parts of what I like to call a menage-a-six, with yours truly thrusting fashion compliments around rapid fire in an attempt to get those dresses off.

Hey, fashion is for ladies, fashion on the floor is for the guys. Enjoy.

Twilight Is Here! He Said With a Smirk (Well, At Least The Hotties Came Out for the Premiere)

I’m told this is the end of the Twilight Saga, the pornucopia of cinematic fare that has stimulated the libidinal parts of the fairer gender, young and old, with its incredibly romantic vision of Goth vampires from the Pacific Northwest, like so many flannel-clad vegan protestors outside a Starbucks, thirsty for blood, or, pumpkin-spiced lattes.

While it’s easy to mock the craptastic vamp trail that has been Twilight, there’s no doubt that the film series has introduced us to a treasure trove of hotties, for whom we are thankful in this giving of thanks season, and many of whom were in attendance at the L.A. premiere of the Breaking Dawn 2 finale last night, including Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, and Kristen Stewart, who along with Ashley Tisdale and Teresa Palmer, stole the show on the big production red carpet. Looking at all these lovely ladies it wasn’t hard to imagine a little serious sucking going on. Enjoy.

Ashley Greene Tickles Our Most Enjoyable Bone With Simple Hotness

As you know, it is our destiny to spend one long weekend together with uber-hottie Ashley Greene tucked away at our usual Comfort Inn Suite with nothing but cough lozenges and a Party-Pak of Taco Bell Chalupas and have at it until we are too sore to move, or the police arrive and kick down the door and rescue Ashley. Hopefully the former.

There’s just something about this Ashley Greene that drives us completely bonkers, even when dressed so innocent as she appears in the November issue of Riviera magazine. We just want to take her out for an ice cream cone or dance with her at the prom or strap her into a sex swing or something safe and family-friendly like that. Enjoy.

Ashley Greene, Maria Menounos, and Halle Berry Lead List of Hotties at Variety’s ‘Power of Women’ Estrogen Soaked Gala

Now, you don’t need to tell anyone here about the power of women, well, hot women specifically. We’ve dedicated our lives for the past many years to the yearning supplication before the knees (to more ably peek up their skirts) of wicked hot celebrities. Granted, the folks at Variety may be conceiving of a broader definition of female power at their celebration, but, then, they’re overlooking the fundamental leverage women have over men in 99.9% of interactions. We men can’t say ‘no’ to sextastic ladies.

For example, oh, blessed hot Ashley Greene who was in attendance, Maria Menounos for whom we want to build a shrine of marble or plywood with a faux marble finish as it’s more economical, Halle Berry who we’ve been lusting for two decades now, Serinda Swan, brunette woman of super ogle-worthiness powers, and let us not overlook Azita Ghanizada, Afghan-born thespianic hottie who we first drooled over in some guest appearances on Entourage.

You want to talk about the power of women? Take a look at these ridiculously hot women and see if you can ever imagine not doing everything they say with a big dumb smile on your face. We must concede. Enjoy.