I know, it’s hard to imagine anyone hold an important fashion event without me being in attendance to comment on the haute couture. I am after all ranked number 17 in the world by Uppity Fashion Critics magazine’s Top 100 Snooty Fashionistas. Something I’m both proud of and tremendously ashamed at the very same time. But the British Fashion Awards took place without me, but by way of far greater gets, they did have a gaggle of sextastic celebrities decked out in their finest in my stead.
Kendall Jenner looked quite desirable, as did young model Suki Waterhouse in a see-through top, Rihanna braless, and Rita Ora looking cleavetastic as usual, but never taken for granted. That right there was several eyefuls of hot lady boobtastic strutting the red carpet and making clothes be somewhat relevant on a woman for at least one London evening. Next year, I’ll expect a front row invitation, BFA’s. And, please, don’t hector me if you happen to notice I’m on my back on the runway with my camera facing up. It’s how I relax my tense back. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash News / INFphoto.com
Anna Kendrick with no pants is a good thing. (Huffington Post)
Serena Williams and Caroline Wozniaki use hot selfies to troll for dudes. (TMZ)
Curvy hottie Myla Dalbesio is Calvin Klein’s new plus-sized model. (Drunken Stepfather)
Karlie Kloss‘ Kleavage is Kolossal. (Hollywood Tuna)
Jessica Alba has one heck of a rack. (Popoholic)
Lindsay Lohan is looking really hot lately in a leather bustier. (The Superficial)
Celebrate Veteran’s Day with patriotic cheerleader boobies. (COED)
Now, I’m not one to completely dismiss this nonsense among the hot celebrity ladies that they have trouble finding dates. I think there is something to be said for guys feeing girls are out of their reach for some reason, and just general environment and bubble, that prevents these sextastic talents from being hit on by decent guys as often as you might believe. So I’m willing to listen to the complaints from the likes of Anna Kendrick about nobody asking her out on a date for about two minutes. It’s at that point I think to myself, wait, what about the 10,000 crayon written letters I’ve sent you through the years asking you to be my bowling partner at the leather and bondage lanes tourney?
Anna Kendrick, just look at you in this Elle magazine spread. I’m not feeling sorry for you. I am feeling rather lusty however. Oh, that gorgeous body and overbite that I just want to feel nibble in awkward pattern across my underserving body. Anna, no more lonely nights for you, let’s make this loofah scrub down relationship happen. I have so many sponges ready to go you would not believe. Up in the air, Anna, that’s my safety word. Enjoy.
So, let it begin. The 86th Academy Awards and procession of the sextastic.
We’ll keep updating this as the various lovely decked out ladies of Tinsel Town exit their limos and arrive on the red carpet. But you can’t be off to a better start than Ireland Baldwin and Maria Menounos.
Ah, Olivia Wilde, Emma Watson, Charlize Theron, Kristen Bell, Naomi Watts, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz, Anna Kendrick, Amy Adams, Cate Blanchett, and many more.
In summary: there wasn’t much by the way of risque or cleavy or showy on the red carpet this year, but there’s no doubt there were a dozen or more ladies of the Silver Screen who looked absolutely stunning in their million dollar get-ups. It’s just like my prom night, except with hot girls who fit their dresses. Enjoy.
Oh, where to begin with this little number. Anna Kendrick posing in an open coat and a bra, he full bosom nearly exposed to the watchful eye of Kendrick lusters everywhere. Okay, fair enough, I’ll start with the overbite. And why not, it’s where most of my Anna Kendrick fantasies begin, not end mind you, but begin. Watching the sextastic minx nibble the outer edge of various vital objects before consuming the center. Like an extremely good looking rabbit with the super power to arouse one million men simultaneously with just a coquettish smile. Oh, the carrots I would feed her.
You can catch the entire Anna Kendrick interview and mini pictorial on the pages of this month’s GQ magazine. For further more devoutly disturbing and sexualized imagery, you’ll have to hook up one of those brain monitors to capture my dreams. Enjoy.
The annual Independent Spirit Awards are always held the day before the Oscars, and they’re kind of like the Oscars for indie films, except that everybody feels obliged to dress and act all ‘indie’ and even the big stars and big studios pretend that they’re struggling artists just trying to get decent low budget films made. It’s kind of a big charade, but a big charade that includes some super sextastic celebrities each year, so we always pay attention.
And this year we were rewarded with the presence of our be-lusted Kate Beckinsale, a slender-ific looking Zoe Saldana, Kirsten Dunst ever fappable, new to us hottie, Beth Behrs, and Anna Kendrick, who we can’t help but imagine playing ride ‘em cowboy with (you insert your own mental image here), but that overbite and bosom are literally killing us here. Enjoy.
It’s ball check time. And I’m not talking P.E. teacher inventory. You know what I’m saying.
May 18th, the estrogen-laden What to Expect When You’re Expecting comes out in theaters in the U.S. If you attend this film, and I’m speaking to the men among us now, you might just trade those twin jewels in for a gift bag of potpourri scents, because in the very least, emasculation ought to smell like a spring morning.
That being said, for the preggo fetishists among us, well, we’d be remiss if we didn’t share the only male-redeemable elements to this film: Brooklyn Decker, Elizabeth Banks, Jennifer Lopez, Anna Kendrick, and Cameron Diaz. Now imagine them pregnant, or picture them in these promo pics for the film.
Enjoy your kink-fantasy fun time. But, under no circumstances, without a fake mustache, a sombrero, and a legal name change, should you be seen entering a venue to watch this movie. Don’t forsake the jewels.