Some days I feel like The Fates snatched up my bikini body wish list and just decided to throw me some serious bones over the weekend. The latest two piece sextastic ogle-worthy bikini mama is Victoria’s Secret Brazilian hottie Alessandra Ambrosio. Alessandra is very much a fixture of the PTA mom set in Brentwood these days, so maybe you don’t see her out and about as showy as in the past. But you know Brazilian code binds her to be in no more than a bikini when she’s within 100-feet of the ocean, so she stripped down to her two piece in Malibu over the weekend. If not for the stupid Vitamin-D robbing hat, this might’ve been the perfect hot mommy bikini scene.
Nevertheless, I never look a gift horse in the mouth, not when that horse is one perfect filly like Alessandra. No, complaints fade. All that is left is one long, lingering leer completely with pervy smile. I pretty much have it down pat. Enjoy.
I’m not so super at math, but I know we’re somewhere right near the dead middle of summer. And the middle of summer means bikinis, bikinis here and there, bikinis everywhere. If you’re a sextastic celebrity, you’ve spent many hours sweating at the gym, on the bike, and on various machines of athletic torture just to look your best this time of year in your ever-ready bikini. And this is our time to make sure we capture the very best of them. It’s sort of like my mandated community service, naturally unrelated to any peeping activity.
This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Jen Selter and one outstanding bikini body, Rosa Acosta flashing her faptastic bikini thumper, Alessandra Ambrosio and friends showing off suntanning thong booty, Coco Austin in various states of deep cleavage, Nicki Minaj in her bikini promo pics, Genevieve Morton swimsuit perfection, Rose McGowan perfectly hot legs, and so much more. You owe it to the bikini goddesses of summer to check out each and every one of these solar sextastic bikini and breathtaking body revealing social media pics. Enjoy.
Brazilian model Alessandra Ambrosio was spotted leaving yoga class with a massive case of camel toe. Seriously, you could see this camel toe from space without need of a telescope like the Great Wall of China. The delicate folds of her lady bits were clear to see in her tight metallic green yoga pants. I’m not sure if she tried them on before she bought them, but she did leave the house in them so I can only assume that the camel toe helps her achieve downward facing dog better. But let’s discuss her thigh gap. It’s breathtaking. It’s like her thighs are in different time zones. The space between them reminds me of one of those redwoods in Yosemite with the hole cut in them that you can drive a car through. Of course, you can’t drive a real car through her thigh gap but I bet a Hot Wheels could pass through with ease.
Alessandra is one of our major crushes here at Egotastic. Not that I would know what to say to her if I met her. I’d probably just stare and start drooling like a dog waiting for a Beggin Strip.
The AMFAR gala at the Cannes Film Festival was a veritable smorgasbord of hotness. Sweet lord there were boobs galore. Irina Shayk wore a pink dress that showed off not only deep cleav but also most of her sexy legs. Legendary hottie Heidi Klum was also on hand in a blue dress with a plunging neckline that showed off the inner sides of her funbags and a deep slit that revealed her fabulous Teutonic legs. Bombshell singer Nicole Scherzinger was there in a black dress that basically only covered her nips, so there was side and top boob all over the place. In addition, classic beauty Sharon Stone was at the event and she seems to have forgotten her bra at home. Needless to to say that the slit in the front of her dress made us relive our teenage Basic Instinct fantasies. What can I say about Rosario Dawson’s cleavage-filled dress with peek-a-boo window to her ta-tas? Yes, please is what I can say! Michelle Rodriguez also brought along her sideboobs. Basically, what I’m telling you is that everyone had their ladies out. Lara Stone basically wore a push-up bra and Dita Von Teese wore one of her typical sideboobtacular dresses. Kylie Minogue might as well have just come shirtless. And Alessandra Ambrosio? She was busting out all over.
If all of these spectacular ladies and their sideboobs didn’t raise enough money then nothing will.
Alessandra Ambrosio, amfAR Gala, Cleavage, Dita Von Teese, Heidi Klum, Irina Shayk, Kylie Minogue, Lara Stone, Michelle Rodriguez, Nicole Scherzinger, Rosario Dawson, Sharon Stone
My yacht was not quite ready to set sail this year for Cannes, so I had to leave the big parties of the season up to my fellow rich men of the sea like Roberto Cavalli, who has the added advantage of having the world’s hottest models on speed dial on his phone. I have Pizza Hut. We are not super dissimilar. Still, when Cavalli calls, you come. And you look amazing, as did Alessandra Ambrosio the minute she stepped onto the designer’s yacht in her low cut cleavetastic gown. I’m guessing he made it or something.
Alessandra Ambrosio has looked wicked crazy MILFtastic for as long as I can remember. Even when she’s forced to put on clothes as for this upscale yacht party, she still manages to compel men to take cold showers for fear of public uncomfortability. Alessandra, Cannes 2015 I’m expecting you in something even more revealing when the S.S. Egotastic pulls into dock. Look for the desperate guy in a dinghy rowing his little heart out for you. Enjoy.
Brazilian model and professional hottie Alessandra Ambrosio showed off her fantastic legs in LA. Alessandra was out at the Brentwood Country Mart to get her morning coffee when she and her stems were spotted. Her skirt is so short that it’s almost more of a belt. Alessandra has one of the most crucial features for a model: long gorgeous legs. They are seriously perfect. It’s hard to believe that there are people in this world so genetically perfect that they just roll out of bed looking like this, but some of us were just blessed by the hotness gods more than others. The top is also short which allows for just a peek of bare midriff. Her stomach is, of course, flawless. It has just the right amount of tone without looking like an over muscular six-pack. I like my ladies looking like ladies and not like Arnold Schwarzenegger on the set of Commando.
Over the last few weeks we’ve posted quite a few pics from this Brentwood Country Mart. I know where I’m going to stake out next time I’m in LA. Is that creepy?
Brazilian model and card-carrying hot person Alessandra Ambrosio was spotted in some very short shorts in LA. She was visiting the Brentwood Country Mart when these pics were snapped. The shorts barely go past where her lady bits are kept. This means miles and miles of lovely legs. We talk a lot about ta-tas and bootys here on Egotastic, but we’re also a fan of a nice long pair of legs. Alessandra has some of the best in the business. Who wouldn’t want those lovely ladies wrapped around them? The other thing that this outfit shows off is Alessandra’s amazing thigh gap. There is so much space in there that you could practically park a SUV in between her thighs.
I was slow to warm to the thigh gap trend but I’m starting to see the appeal. Not only is it aesthetically pleasing it’s probably healthier too. You got to give your junk some room to breathe.