Videos

A Nice Little Dose of Homicidal Crazy-Ass From ‘Hatred,’ the Most Goretacular Game You Ever Saw (VIDEO)

Hatred Screenshot
He sure looks pissed.

I just effing hate this world, and the human worms feasting on its carcass.

It’s Friday morning, guy. It if were Monday, we’d agree with you, but... calm your undercrackers. This is a heavy one, gentlemen. Buckle up.

But hey. Hatred is not a game to calm its undercrackers. Those undercrackers will never be calmed, because this dude is pissed. with a capital P, I, S, S, E and D. Nothing is explained. We don’t know who, what, when, where or why, but we know one thing: this is more bullet-flailing violence than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entire movie repertoire could muster. It’s kind of horrific.

Now, a little gore in movies and video games never hurt anybody. Whether it’s Call of Duty, Resident Evil, The Walking Dead or whatever you happen to be playing/watching, there will be deaths. Remember those Elvis impersonator dudes from GTA 2? Running them over en masse and getting the ‘Elvis has left the building’ message for doing so? Sure, we did it, and laughed like the cruel, cruel bastards we are. But this is something else, right here.

Your victims in Hatred aren’t enemies. They aren’t terrorists, mobsters or any other assholes who could use a good hatchet to the gonads. They’re just civilians, cruising about the street and begging for their lives as you mangle their bodies so badly they’ll find an eyeball on the other side of the highway.

As Destructoid reports, on the one hand, ‘according to the game's website, this seems to be some sort of rebuttal to the company's perceived political correctness in games nowadays.’ On the other, as they also report, it’s 'as effed up as they come.’ Think Postal, without the sense of humor.

Yes, There Will Be Ewoks in ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’

Warwick Davis has been cast in 'Episode VII'...

Hey, remember when Han, Luke, and Leia took out a whole battallion of Imperial Storm Troopers with nothing but a couple of rocks and a tribe of cuddly teddy bears in Return of the Jedi? Well, guess what? Those cuddly teddy bears—the Ewoks—are returning for Star Wars: Episode VII.

Or at least that's what J.J. Abrams wants us to believe. Yesterday Abrams (and by "Abrams" I mean somebody who works for him) posted a funny little video announcing that Warwick Davis, who played the Ewok Wicket in Return of the Jedi, has been cast in the latest instalment of everyone's space opera set in a galaxy far, far away. So the obvious conclusion is that there will be Ewoks.

The only problem? J.J. Abrams loves messing with us, and the video didn't actually say Warwick Davis would reprise his previous role. So it's quite possible Abrams cast Davis in some other role and made a big deal about the announcement just to make us think there will be Ewoks.

That being said, if this really does mean there will be Ewoks in Episode VII, maybe I was right. Maybe Lando Calissian did go to Endor, enslave the Ewoks, and start a new mining colony after they blew up Death Star II.

Naomi Watts, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Emmanuelle Seigner All Topless in the Mr. Skin Minute (VIDEO)

 

It's that time again. Time to get your movie, DVD, and Blu-Ray forecast for skincasts from our good friends in the Windy City at Mr. Skin. They keep their nose to the grindstone specifically looking out for the single hottest flesh reveals on recorded media so that you might save your valuable time just for watching. They're like saints, who love boobs.

This week's Mr. Skin Minute includes the delightfully blonde hottie Naomi Watts not nekkid in her current Birdman flick, but quite topless in Mulholland Falls, Maggie Gyllenhaal flashing lingerie ta-ta's for The Honourable Woman TV series now on DVD, and Emmanuelle Seigner topless in Roman Polanski's Venus in Fur now out on DVD. So many ta-ta's, so much time. Take your time to enjoy.

And, why not double down, nay, triple down on your happiness factor with an Ego discounted membership to Mr. Skin. It's jaunty, lightweight, and will immediately stop your chaffing issues. Strike that, the chaffing might get worse for a while. But it's hundreds of thousands of photos and videos of good times.

The Weekly WTF: The Boobs, Booze and Swearing Sheep of ‘Catherine’

Now, relationship troubles aren’t tackled much by video games. You want bullets flying around your ass and crazy arcade light shows, not some depressed guy whining that his wife hit him with her car again last night. Is that fun? It is not.

But still. Here in the land of the WTF, you never know when the crazy-ass is going to hit you. If Catherine wants to bring us relationship troubles with a crazy-ass twist, you can bet your balls that it’s going to bring us relationship troubles with a crazy-ass twist. All we can do is watch as a sheep repeatedly drops the f-bomb.
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The ‘GTA V’ Jet Plane Stunt Man Is Back (VIDEO)

Grand Theft Auto V Plane Stunt
Color us impressed.

My Grand Theft Auto V piloting experiences aren’t the best. I’d just dick about by flying as high as possible and then parachuting out, watching as my multi-million-dollar ride explodes in a ball of fiery failure far below. Either that, or I’d be minding my own business cruising at 30,000 feet and some unseen asshole blows my balls off with a missile. Damn you, EliteDeathSniperKillYourFace3812.

Anywho, yes. I’m about as inept a GTA pilot as I’d be in real life. Which is why I think we should all gather around the warm glowing warming glow of our PC/mobile device screens and admire this guy's antics.

Let’s not beat around the bush here: Mario4LYF3 (man is that a username you’d make at the age of eight and heartily regret) is the greatest daredevil since Evel Knievel. Well, almost. That mad bastard was risking his own non-virtual life, after all. But still, this is something, right here.

Upside down flight, effortlessly swerving around inside a tiny building... these feats are just beyond lesser men. Take a look.

Via Kotaku.

Customization-amundo in the Latest Episode of ‘On the Road with The Crew’ (VIDEO)

The Crew- Customization
Making fancy cars fancier.

The Crew, as we’ve probably established by now, is a festival of drivetastic. When you’re not driving cars or driving effing cars, you’re... driving more cars. There’s very little letup in this regard. I may have to cancel my preorder; there are just too many freaking cars.

As such, we’ll be cruising through all kinds of conditions, and will have to be sure our fancy-ass rides are up to it. Which means we’re going to need some extensive customization options.

And how’s this for a freaking segue? The latest episode of On the Road With The Crew, from IGN, is going to showcase just what we have to work with in that regard.

We already know that the game is rife with challenges and missions, but now we can see they’ll be worth our while. Along with the usual XP, victories will grant you good ol’ fashioned cashtacular, which you use to work on your vehicles. There are various kinds of specs you can aim for, and adjust on the fly according to the task at hand. Performance spec is a great fit for pure speed races, while raid spec is geared toward ramming your rivals like the aggressive bastard you are.

Elsewhere in the above clip, we see that an FPS staple has stealth-ed its way into the racing genre while security wasn’t looking. Perks, you say? Interesting.

LOLZZZ: Silly Scarecrow Prank Quickly Turns Scary (VIDEO)

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Aww, check out the silly scarecrow... aarrghhhhh!

That's the typical reaction of folks who came across prankster edbassmaster, who dressed up as a silly scarecrow only to pull off the mask and reveal his true, deadly (or is that un-deadly?) nature. Naturally, people freaked out, other's screamed, most ran off, while some cried (okay, so they didn't really cry, but I would've.)

Check it out-- and try it at the next party you throw!