Over the weekend, a teaser trailer Jurassic World teaser trailer announced that a full trailer for the highly anticipated film would drop on Thanksgiving. However, apparently somebody over at Universal Pictures had a change of heart—or, more likely, the thing leaked online somewhere—because today, all of a sudden, there it was on the YouTubes.
At this point, you’ve probably already watched the thing. So I’ll dispense with the description and cut right to the verdict: it looks like it’s gonna blow.
Yeah, you heard me. Based on a cursory glance at my Facebook and Twitter feeds, I realize I’m probably in the minority here. But everything I saw in this trailer makes Jurassic World just look like a bigger, flashier version of the 1993 original. Kids go to dino island sans parents, everyone is blown away at first, somebody asks cocky science person whether it was a good idea to f*ck around with genetics and, before you know it, the most dangerous dinosaurs are trying to eat everyone—literally the same basic plot as the first movie. There’s even a “here, eat this animal on a string” scene, only instead of a goat and a t-rex it’s a shark and a giant dino-gator.
So maybe the actual movie will be better, but I found the trailer underwhelming.
What do you think?
When we were snot-nosed urchins, we all shared two things in common: fear of the dark, and a talent for precocious ogling. The second is just a sign of a well-spent childhood, but the first is a little more troubling. What the hell were we ever afraid of?
Well, gentlemen, Destiny finally has the answer to what lurks in the dark. A big ol’ effing demon bastard with three eyes and a creepy-ass fiery sword, that’s what. Those fears don’t look so irrational now. Take that, childhood shrink who made fun of my bedwetting.
Anywho, yes, Destiny has been prattling about its upcoming expansion for some time now. Those new story quests, missions, multiplayer arenas, and a new Strike and Raid. But amid all that hype, there’s been one thing missing. A melodramatic trailer that shows eff all but is narrated in an I’m-the-only-survivor-of-some-crazy-shit-that’s-going-down sort of way to hook the punters.
Well, buckle up, because this gal right here is definitely the only survivor of some crazy shit that’s going down. Something angry is awakening in the bowels of the moon, and it’s setting its sights on the Earth. Cue some more spacetastic gun-shootin’ goodtimes.
Better Call Saul was originally supposed to debut…well, like right now, in November 2014. However, AMC pushed the date back to “early” 2015 and then refused to give us an actual concrete date—probably just to mess with us, because they know we’re all Breaking Bad junkies.
But today, finally, after a bunch of teasers, we finally have a date. In fact, we have two dates, because Better Call Saul is getting a two-night premiere. Episode one airs Sunday, February 8, at 10pm ET, and episode two airs Monday, February 9, also at 10pm ET.
Of course, if you’re like me, you’re first thought upon hearing the date was, “Oh no! That’s probably the night of the Super Bowl! I’ll be way too drunk and full of chicken wings to remember to switch over the AMC when the game is over.”
But don’t worry, friends. The Super Bowl is actually on February 1 this year. You will have a whole week to recover.
Hello there, faptastic skinematic content. The best of the week available on the big and little screen for your medium sized fun times viewing your favorite celebrities baring boobtastic on the silver screen. I’m not sure how people actually spent their private time before the invention of the moving pictures, but I’m guessing there was an awful lot of rubbing up against tree branches and sobbing. Thank heavens for Mr. Skin.
Get an Ego-Discounted Membership to Mr. Skin for yourself or your loved ones this holiday season.
This week’s Mr. Skin Minute includes Natalie Dormer not nekkid in Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part One, but definitely wonderful topless in Game of Thrones Season Two, Jane Fonda topless and making the sexy in 70′s classic Coming Home, now out on Blu-Ray, and Eva Green extensively topless along with Juno Temple topless in Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For, now also out on Blu-Ray. Oh, those celebrity funbags. So ripe and dripping with, um, ripeness. Check them all out. Enjoy.
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Smash Bros (or rather, the double whammy with Mario Kart 8) is pretty well the only thing likely to haul the Wii U out of Shit Creek at this point. It’s the kind of big ol’ exclusive it could’ve used about 2 years ago, but who’s counting?
So it’s a big freaking deal. And if there’s one thing Smosh Games like, it’s unleashing their piss-takery on big freaking deals.
Yep, the latest episode of Honest Game Trailers is Smash Bros flavored. Armed only with their trademark bucket of snark, these cheeky buggers tackle all the pertinent Smash-based issues. Is it really a ‘fighting game,’ or just a multicolored button-mashing clustereff? What the hell are Sonic and Snake doing here? Who in the name of Grandma’s wispy pubes is Shulk?
We demand answers. We don’t get any.
Nevertheless, if you like taking your cute childhood nostalgia and beating the shit out of it, Smash Bros has your back. Nobody does it better. PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale certainly doesn’t, because it was wank.
Okay internet, stop looking at pictures of Kim Kardashian‘s ass for two minutes and experience something pure and innocent from your childhood. Even though it doesn’t come out for another year, there’s a new trailer for the The Peanuts Movie starring Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and the gang. And it’s adorable.
It starts with the world’s most famous cartoon beagle taking a siesta on top of his doghouse in his customary fashion, Vince Guaraldi‘s famous Charlie Brown theme rollicking along in the background, as Woodstock and his little bird friends decorate the joint for Christmas. Then Snoop wakes up, puts on his aviation gear, morphs into his World War I flying ace persona, and gets into a dogfight over the tree-lined boulevards of Paris to the tune of “What I Like About You” by Flo Rida and somebody named Fitz—all while words on the screen encourage us to “dream big.” Like the cartoon dog.
Of course, I sound cynical, but I actually thought it was pretty great considering it’s a whole lot of nothing. Many people were worried that Charles Schultz‘s classic Peanuts would lose its charm when rendered in 3D CGI, and in truth, some people just aren’t going to like it. But Schultz’s son and grandson, who served as producer and writer, have promised the spirit of the film would remain true to the original comics. Meanwhile, producer Paul Feig (Bridesmaids) has promised “Charlie Brown won’t twerk, wear a baseball cap backwards or try to ‘break the Internet’ a la Kim Kardashian.” And I think, so far, they’ve all stayed true to their word.
The Peanuts Movie hits theaters NEXT Christmas.
(Okay everybody, now you can go back to looking at naked lady pictures.)
Maybe it’s just me, but I dig hot young blonde trending models when they start prancing around the beach nekkid in some stylized mini-movie. They really need to make more of these kinds of short films by celebrity photographer Mariano Vivanco who captures the pure beauty of Irish-Belgian model Stella Maxwell in her various stages of dressed and undressed ingenue status. Monochromatic makes everything artistic; hot blessed funbags on a world caliber model makes everything that much better.
Stella Maxwell has a very bright future indeed. Her willingness, nay, excitement, to participate in flesh-filled dreamscapes of the digital kind make my mouth water with anticipation. Maybe that’s not my mouth. Somebody lay down the plastic sheets, the boiler is about to go. Oh, Stella. Stella! Just so damn alluring. Enjoy.
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