‘The Evil Within’ Brings Us ‘Voices of Evil,’ With Freddy Krueger (VIDEO)

The Evil Within- Voices of Evil
Don't worry, you've got... a hatchet.

Well, that’s Freddy Krueger in the Jackie Earle Halley sense. Let’s not dredge up memories of the wanktacular A Nightmare on Elm Street remake.

Anywho, yes, our ol’ buddy Jackie is set to bring his vocal talents to The Evil Within. He’s cast as Ruvik, the game’s dodgy-ass antagonist. It looks like just the kind of crap-your-pants romp that needs an imposing, homicidal sort of villain, so let’s hope that works out. 2010‘s Freddy was quite the asshole, after all, so we’re probably good in that regard.

Elsewhere in the Voices of Evil clip, we meet Anson Mount, voicing Sebastian, the star of the show. Detective Kidman, the hero’s partner, will be played by Jennifer Carpenter, last seen in Dexter.

Whether it’s PR bullshittery or not, the game sure seems to be going all out with regards to production values. Digitalspy reports that Shinji Mikami, Mr Resident Evil, has stated,
"One of the most crucial elements to any successful survival horror game is the setting and sound, which includes the depth and authenticity of the voice acting. We brought together a great cast of experienced actors to help ensure that players really believe our characters' emotions and the tension they feel in every scene."

No-one busts their balls to get that right very often, that’s for sure. Take a look above.

Aaron Paul’s ‘Breaking Bad’ Scavenger Hunt Was Pretty Awesome

Watch him tell the story to Jimmy Kimmel...

Remember that pre-Emmy's Breaking Bad scavenger hunt orchestrated by Aaron Paul that we told you about last week? Well, all along I planned on doing a followup post summarizing how it went, and originally what that meant was finding all the tweets and Instagrams Aaron Paul sent out, plus any relevant photos, and embedding them all here. However—and I'm sorry if this is breaking the fourth wall of blogging—but that's a lot of work, and I wasn't looking forward to it.

Fortunately, Aaron Paul went on Jimmy Kimmel last night to talk about his new Netflix show, BoJack Horseman, and while there he also talked about the scavenger hunt, sharing more details that you can find on Twitter alone. So now I don't have to embed all those tweets. I just have to embed one video, which is more entertaining than a bunch of tweets anyway.

Of course, if you really want to follow the white rabbit down into that hole, you can always to Aaron Paul's Twitter feed and read the tweets for yourself. Just keep an eye on the time if you start following the hashtag trail.

Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Lisa Kudrow Reunite for Readthrough of Jimmy Kimmel’s ‘Friends’ Fan Fiction

Starring Jimmy as the guy who gets to have sex with Rachel

NBC sitcom Friends went off the air 10 year ago. If that blows your mind, you're probably old like me. If, on the other hand, you have to squint for a minute before saying, "Oh, the show with Jennifer Aniston," just shut up.

Either way, chances are you're at least aware that the show was a pretty big deal in the 90s. So chances are you can appreciate the significance of an unofficial Friends reunion, which is what happened on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night.

Aniston was there to talk about her new movie, Life of Crime, which also stars Tim Robbins, Isla Fisher, Will Forte, and Mos Def. However, Jimmy decided to take the opportunity to get her to play Rachel again in a readthrough of some Freinds fan fiction he wrote. Then he revealed an $80,000 recreation of Monica's apartment and brought out Lisa Kudrow and Courteney Cox, at which point all manner of hilarity ensued—including some pretty good zingers about how ridiculous the very premise of the show actually was.

Take a look at the video above. Then, if you're one of those not-old people and you don't get the joke at the end, watch this:

When Skimpy Costumes Aren’t Skimpy Enough, Just ‘Wear’ Strawberries Over Your Nipples and Be Done With It (VIDEO)

Onechanbara Strawberry Nipples
Because even this is too much clothing, apparently.

Japanese game developers have never been the type to eschew a little NSFW. The Land of the Rising Wang is the home of touchscreen boob-fondling titles, as well as a creepy insert-your-dangler-here wanking peripheral or two.

The lurid, leery likes of Senran Kagura (never has an innocent little cooking game been so chesticle-jiggly) are commonplace. But this? This is a new one, right here.

Meet Onechanbara Z2: Chaos, the latest in a series known for its liberal, pants-optional attitude towards its boobtastic young stars. As you could probably tell from the earlier Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad and Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers.

But where do go from there? As Destructoid reports, ‘...when half of your characters are only wearing weird, tiny underwear anyways, you’ve cut your upskirt potential in half and undercut their lasciviousness.’ Don’t worry, though. That wasn’t a rhetorical question.

Bananas over their cooches, that’s where you go. Take a look at what happens when video games take the fan service-y ogliness a stage too far.

Lizzy Caplan Topless Leads Line of Skintastic in the Boob Tube Roundup (VIDEO)


I hope Hollywood uses Emmy night to pay special tribute to the lovely topless lasses who now grace our screens regularly thanks to the boob tube and expansion of quality television programming. Alas, they will likely skip over such a delightful twist in our modern media content offering. But I shall not. For the small screen is where all the best sextastic action is, and where the most kudos belongs.

This week's Boob Tube Roundup includes Lizzy Caplan once more showing off her impressive funbags in Masters of Sex, Caitrona Balfre with a hint of the boobtastic in Outlanders, Rachel Korine quite floppy bouncy in The Knick, and just a hint of Briana Marin ta-ta's from The Leftovers on HBO. It's what makes television worth watching. Don't believe everything you hear at awards shows. Trust me. Uncle Bill. Enjoy.

Let’s go on the Road With ‘The Crew’ for Some High-Speed Badassery (VIDEO)

On the Road With The Crew 1
Mmm... shiny.

Yes, The Crew. We know. Your message is plain: when there are vehicles to be driven at reckless, shit-your-pants speeds, you’re the game to call. Since the earliest PR-tastic trailers, you’ve shown your drivetastic cajones and we’ve loved you for them.

But this is no time for lazy-ass laurel resting. Whatever laurels are. The Crew’s November 11 release is approaching, and the hype train doesn’t stop for anyone. So feast your eyes, ears and butts on this latest from the game, as it demands you part with a little cashtacular later in the year.

From what we’ve seen so far, it’s all seemed rather one-dimensional. We drive cars, and we drive them pretty goddamn fast. It’s all about the driving and the fast, right here. Can you spot an inch of The Crew that doesn’t have a fast car in it? No, no you can’t. We might have to cancel our pre-order, there are just too many effing cars.

But fear not, young Padawan. It’s not just a balls-out racer. Mostly, granted, but not entirely. Behold the first in the ‘On the Road with The Crew’ promo series, which shows the extent of the free-roamy overworld and the social aspects.

Behold ‘Max Gentlemen,’ the Only Game Inspired by Wang Enlargement Spam (VIDEO)

Max Gentlemen
How... gentlemanly.

As Grandma Egotastic always says, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. She also likes to bitch that we never visit her in the home any more, but that has little bearing on where we’re going with this. We won’t bother mentioning it.

On them thar interwebs, one of the biggest ‘lemons’ is shit-tastic spamtastic spam. Nary a day goes by that we aren’t subjected to poorly spelt ads for viagra, or wang enlargment drugs, or African princes promising to share their great wealth with us if we just give them our bank details (in his defense, though, Prince Ngambobo VIII sounded like a stand-up guy to us).

So where does the lemonade come in here? For Chicago developers The Men Who Wear Many Hats, with Max Gentlemen. As pissed by this dick-based spam as everybody else, they crafted a game inspired by it. Out of, y’know, defiance, or spite or balls-out madness or whichever.

Yes indeed. Feast your eyes. The game is about '...stacking hats while hilariously muscular gentlemen brawl and tussle and sensually wax each others’ moustaches and all the other things hilariously muscular gentlemen do,’ quoth Kotaku, and who could resist that proposition? Not us, that’s for damn sure.

Take a look at the less-homo-erotic-than-it-could-have been trailer above, and hit the link to learn more about the Kickstarter title’s bizarre origins.