Videos

‘South Park Pinball,’ You Say? Hell Yes, We’re Down For That (VIDEO)

South Park Pinball
Who could refuse?

Zen Studios’ Zen Pinball 2 is probably among the greatest pinball video games of our time. I don’t say this because a member of Zen’s lawyertastic has a pistol to my gonads and the cold, dead eyes of a maniac/reality TV contestant. I say it because it’s darn well true.

These sorcerous bastards seem to have that magic formula: getting the damn physics of pinball right for once and having a great crop of tables. Everything from Plants vs Zombies to Star Wars has had its own themed table, all designed really well.

The game’s major shortcoming, though, has been its lack of Cartman. Or Cheesy Poofs. Or Mr. Hankey the Christmas turd. Or questionable jokes about ethnic minorities. But fear not, gentlemen. To right this egregious wrong, a South Park-centric double pack is on its way to the game.

Whether you’re playing on the regular or the The Butters Show table, you know what you’re getting. Skill shots involving firing the ball into a toilet, Randy growing extra reward balls, and every freaking reference to the show these guys can fit on our TV screens. This, we can get on board with. Take a look above.

Via Destructoid.

Hannibal Lecter in Blur-o-Vision: ‘Silence of the Lambs’ as a Retro Game (VIDEO)

Silence of the Lambs- 8-Bit Cinema
Hannibal's looking a bit funky.

Ah, Hannibal Lecter. You wacky funster. When you aren’t wearing horrific masks that resemble items of Medieval torture, or giving serious thought to eating our wives, you’re getting your game on.

That is to say, 8-Bit Cinema are back with another old school gameification (yep, that’s a thing). In this episode, it’s the turn of classic chiller The Silence of the Lambs. Buckle up, gentlemen, it’s a face-chewin’ good time.

You remember the movie, no doubt. Our ol’ buddy Antony Hopkins murderizing guards, snarling like an angry mofo and making the hairs on our scrotes stand on edge with his delivery of such innocent lines as hello, Clarice. It’s a good time all round. But we’ve never seen it like this before.

Behold the whole plot of the film, retold in four minutes of 8-bit glory.

Nina Dobrev and Kaley Cuoco In Bikinis Surprising Highlight to the Boob Tube Roundup (VIDEO)

 

Normally, we do tend to restrict the hallowed ground of the Boob Tube Roundup to those small screen thespianics who dare to bare their dramatically trained funbags for all the world to see. But this week in particular there happened to be three rather noteworthy bikini hotttie reveals on non-nude network television (boring) that deserves some leering attention.

Nina Dobrev and her wicked hot bikini body in Vampire Diaries, Kaley Cuoco in a brief bikini top moment in Big Bang Theory, and Elena Satine who we fell in love with on Magic City now flashing busty bikini hotness on Revenge. Oh, if only these shows made for adults were not so frightened to reveal like adults, we could've had something even more epic. Though I assure you this trio in two pieces will still amazing. Joining them from our topless cable side is Charlotte Spencer in the British series Glue and Evelien Bosmans in the Euro show Amateurs, this week, because we still need a little sweet boobage in the boob tube roundup. Enjoy.

‘Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’ Hits us With Both Barrels of Launch Trailertastic (VIDEO)

Call of Duty Advanced Warfare 3
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We don’t even make it ten seconds into this trailer before Kevin Spacey announces, what you’re seeing is... advanced warfare. That’s just the kind of tone-setting badassery we’re dealing with here.

And damn right it is. The game’s November 4 release marks the culmination of many months of hyping and preorder wrangling, so it’s time to shine now. It’s time to pummel us with blurbs like transcends the line between game and film and reinventing Call of Duty multiplayer in a profound way.

Sure, they’re the same blurbs from last time, but there weren’t quite so many studly dudes bellowing or helicopters on effing fire then. We’re getting serious now, so put your pants back on and pay attention.

There’s a little gameplay, a dash of futuristic melodrama, and more explosions than you can probably handle on a Monday morning. One thing’s for sure: Call of Duty’s back in style.

A Nice Little Dose of Homicidal Crazy-Ass From ‘Hatred,’ the Most Goretacular Game You Ever Saw (VIDEO)

Hatred Screenshot
He sure looks pissed.

I just effing hate this world, and the human worms feasting on its carcass.

It’s Friday morning, guy. It if were Monday, we’d agree with you, but... calm your undercrackers. This is a heavy one, gentlemen. Buckle up.

But hey. Hatred is not a game to calm its undercrackers. Those undercrackers will never be calmed, because this dude is pissed. with a capital P, I, S, S, E and D. Nothing is explained. We don’t know who, what, when, where or why, but we know one thing: this is more bullet-flailing violence than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entire movie repertoire could muster. It’s kind of horrific.

Now, a little gore in movies and video games never hurt anybody. Whether it’s Call of Duty, Resident Evil, The Walking Dead or whatever you happen to be playing/watching, there will be deaths. Remember those Elvis impersonator dudes from GTA 2? Running them over en masse and getting the ‘Elvis has left the building’ message for doing so? Sure, we did it, and laughed like the cruel, cruel bastards we are. But this is something else, right here.

Your victims in Hatred aren’t enemies. They aren’t terrorists, mobsters or any other assholes who could use a good hatchet to the gonads. They’re just civilians, cruising about the street and begging for their lives as you mangle their bodies so badly they’ll find an eyeball on the other side of the highway.

As Destructoid reports, on the one hand, ‘according to the game's website, this seems to be some sort of rebuttal to the company's perceived political correctness in games nowadays.’ On the other, as they also report, it’s 'as effed up as they come.’ Think Postal, without the sense of humor.

Yes, There Will Be Ewoks in ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’

Warwick Davis has been cast in 'Episode VII'...

Hey, remember when Han, Luke, and Leia took out a whole battallion of Imperial Storm Troopers with nothing but a couple of rocks and a tribe of cuddly teddy bears in Return of the Jedi? Well, guess what? Those cuddly teddy bears—the Ewoks—are returning for Star Wars: Episode VII.

Or at least that's what J.J. Abrams wants us to believe. Yesterday Abrams (and by "Abrams" I mean somebody who works for him) posted a funny little video announcing that Warwick Davis, who played the Ewok Wicket in Return of the Jedi, has been cast in the latest instalment of everyone's space opera set in a galaxy far, far away. So the obvious conclusion is that there will be Ewoks.

The only problem? J.J. Abrams loves messing with us, and the video didn't actually say Warwick Davis would reprise his previous role. So it's quite possible Abrams cast Davis in some other role and made a big deal about the announcement just to make us think there will be Ewoks.

That being said, if this really does mean there will be Ewoks in Episode VII, maybe I was right. Maybe Lando Calissian did go to Endor, enslave the Ewoks, and start a new mining colony after they blew up Death Star II.

Naomi Watts, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Emmanuelle Seigner All Topless in the Mr. Skin Minute (VIDEO)

 

It's that time again. Time to get your movie, DVD, and Blu-Ray forecast for skincasts from our good friends in the Windy City at Mr. Skin. They keep their nose to the grindstone specifically looking out for the single hottest flesh reveals on recorded media so that you might save your valuable time just for watching. They're like saints, who love boobs.

This week's Mr. Skin Minute includes the delightfully blonde hottie Naomi Watts not nekkid in her current Birdman flick, but quite topless in Mulholland Falls, Maggie Gyllenhaal flashing lingerie ta-ta's for The Honourable Woman TV series now on DVD, and Emmanuelle Seigner topless in Roman Polanski's Venus in Fur now out on DVD. So many ta-ta's, so much time. Take your time to enjoy.

And, why not double down, nay, triple down on your happiness factor with an Ego discounted membership to Mr. Skin. It's jaunty, lightweight, and will immediately stop your chaffing issues. Strike that, the chaffing might get worse for a while. But it's hundreds of thousands of photos and videos of good times.