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Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea Epic Wet and Oiled Thumper Duet in Booty

Wow, I mean, just wow. If you happen to call yourself an assman, which actually is how my business card line item for occupation reads, then you have to be a fan of Jennifer Lopez and Iggly Azalea in the new music video Booty. Granted, the music is rather silly and contrived and been done a million times, but the sight of J-Lo and Iggy Azalea slapping curvy bottom sides together, not to mention their own, well, the French call this magnifique I believe.

I know the rumors are that Iggy might be artificially sweetening her arse, but I've always felt that Jennifer was one of those lucky birds who inherited and trained her finely curved derriere. Either way, not the kind of questions I ask while watching two women pretend to make out and then rub their oiled down cheeks against one another to make beautiful music. There is a time for talk and there is a time for silent drooling. This would be the latter. Enjoy.

Anais Zanotti Bikini Snorkeling Blow Holes of Intense Wet Booty Hotness

I'd watch Anais Zanotti do her laundry in a bikini and be content all the live long day. Especially when she gets down to washing her intimates, I must add. But the sight of the French sextastic stunt woman and model hitting the underwater parts of the planet blue in nothing but a two piece and a snorkel and mask, well, that has me thinking all kinds of Bond girl underwater doing the dirty fun time dreams.

Anais has firmly planted her sextastic bikini body flag on Miami Beach this past year, providing oh so many wonderful ogle worthy skin filled views. Now she's departing the beach for the underseas environs to give the fishes s little glimpse into the heaven that awaits them should karma bring them back as humans.

Toni Garrn Groovy Euro Hotness in Exotic Beachwear

Leonardo DiCaprio might be reveling in the more intimate parts of German model Toni Garrn, but that doesn't mean I can't leer and drool and dream of Toni and her striking looks and lean hot body being a part of my breakfast cereal and beer daily diet regimen. What's Leo got that I don't got? Please don't hurt me by making a list.

Toni took a turn modeling some fancy swimsuits and beachwear for Agua de Coco against some pretty cool looking aquariums, though I feel kind of silly for noticing anything beyond the sultry allure of Toni Garrn, a girl who didn't just happen to become a model, but was plucked by the pros at a young age because of her certain 'it' factor. I'm not sure what 'it' is, I only know I want 'it' very badly. If the penguin wish to watch, that's totally up to them. Enjoy.

Behati Prinsloo Bikini White Hotness Shooting in Malibu for Especially Strong Beach Tingles

Behati Prinsloo may have married what's his face and broken my heart just a little, but she's still my favorite Namibian sextastic celebrity in the entire Namibian sextastic celebrity universe, very much including her heavenly hot work with Victoria's Secret and other lingerie and bikini wear lines. She's lean and slender and au natural and possibly could use a sandwich, but I'm still digging heavily on her inherent hotness, killer smile, and a lithesome body that I'd like to lie some next to, if you know what I'm saying.

Naturally, I've become all-too accustomed to these repeated blows of seeing my belusted hotties marry some more famous, wealthier, lucky bastard with amazing hair. The hurt never goes away but I suppose all the scarring leaves the flesh a little tougher for the process. Behati, please, hurt me right someday. Enjoy.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Cleavage Pimping Coca Cola in London

We haven't seen much of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley of late. Granted, she needs to slip some mickeys into Jason Statham's milk just to get free of his benevolently possessive grasp, but we sure do miss this lithesome Britty supermodel and her body of pure perfection. Rosie was out in London pimping something to do with Coca-Cola, which I'm going to guess based on the looks of her long lean and lovely form is not something she consumes in mass quantities herself.

For the professional endeavor, Rosie went deep low cut on the frontside, revealing a healthy amount of her healthy hand warmers nearly dangling out of her dress. I'd like to buy the world a Coke, but I'd like to purchase five minutes of Rosie in the broom closet time just for myself. Oh, the giggling we would get up to. Followed by a series of not so manly plaintive wails. I am very vocal. Rosie, just pretend it's the sounds of nature and let's delight in our few minutes together as primitive beasts in the field. Enjoy.

J-Lo in Jeans, Yep, It’s Still Working

I suppose there comes a day for every woman when men no longer crank their necks to peek at their booties in jeans. That day is still a good way's off for Jennifer Lopez. One of the original jean bottom filling pop divas, twenty years later J-Lo is still working her derriere into a pair of form fitting jeans with the best of the MILFs on the streets of Manhattan.

While the sextastic celebrities we follow work themselves into thousand of complicated designer outfits and haute couture, there may be no better measure of their enduring ogling worthy success than how they look in a simple pair of jeans. Okay, maybe not the $35 pairs I buy, but just plain old jeans nonetheless. Jennifer, you can work my ranch girl fantasy-scape anyday. Let's go rope them doggies and spend an evening under the stars with me convincing you to get out of that denim. I've got the Willie Nelson mix tape all ready to go to enhance the mood. Enjoy.

Courtney Stodden Boobs A’Plenty Hanging Out at L.A. Art Show

Courtney Stodden doesn't do anything little. Maybe cheap, but never little. The now twenty year old reunited with her grandfatherly spouse took her turn on the exhibitionist stage last night at an L.A. showing of some pop visual artist who is super famous but I've never heard of, but I do know about all Courtney's funbags. Take that as the ultimate sign of my cultural awareness.

Even before Courtney got her publicly promoted inflatables, she was always wearing deep dropping tops and showing off her teenaged twosome. Now with her new extra special sizing, those babies are barely contained in her evening wear, day wear, and presumably boudoir fashions. Oh, sure, you could call her obvious. But, obviously I'm staring. Which is why I never call anybody names, unless they really really deserve it. Enjoy.