I've always suspected that most of the Internet is mostly made up of porn. The rest is videos of kittens and puppies and selfies of Amanda Bynes. It turns out I was right. A study by Paintbottle.com compiled from several studies show that 30% of all data transmitted on the Internet is for fap reasons. The popular site YouPorn uses 6 times more bandwidth than Hulu. Monthly hits to porn sites are more than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined. Only YouTube gets more hits, (so I guess cute animals win). We all know that most men like to watch porn and a lot of women do too. It's so much easier to click on Iron Dong III: The Return Of Tony F$^k than have to think up stuff to whack it to. And yet porn still has a stigma attached to it. Isn't that a little hypocritical?
I say that if we want to keep watching porn we should celebrate it. If more people are watching movies starring Rod Thickpiece and Gee Gee Swallows or whatever than Gwyneth Paltrow or Tom Cruise's flicks, then why aren't they as famous? If we get enjoyment from their work, why should we judge them so harshly? Have most Hollywood movies stimulated you to the point of triggering a physical and emotional response? The only thing most movies make me feel is rage over the $14 I just paid to watch them. Either we need to stop watching porn or we need to stop pretending like we don't. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go watch Sliver Bangings Playbook.
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Egotastic
Great, Now We Have To Worry About Sea Monsters
The list of things that are going to kill us increased this week when a friggin' sea monster washed up on a beach in New Zealand. The creature was found by some Kiwis, (People from New Zealand not the fruit), on Pukehina Beach in the Bay of Plenty. The initial reaction to the horrifying beast was, "Crikey, mate what the f$@king s#&t is that thing?!!!" Scientists examined the body and identified it as a diseased killer whale that had decomposed in the water before the carcass ended up on a beach in Middle Earth. Um, I've been to Sea World and that thing doesn't look like Shamu. It resembles a nightmare from the bowels of hell to me. Some Kraken-like beast out of a Lovecraft novel that someone might envision during an opium induced seizure.
As Egotastic's resident Apocalyptologist I find this development very disturbing. OK, I know I said the world was going to end last December and hid out in a bunker with my cat and it didn't happen. While the timing was off, the end is definitely nigh. Zombies, aliens, ninjas, and robots were bad enough without having to worry about some biblical monster rising from the seas. All I know is I need to get out of this island I live on and move inland. Maybe Kansas. No sea monsters attack Kansas.