Humor

The Story of ‘Iron Man’ Animated in 60 Seconds (VIDEO)

By Hazel Chua | June 13, 2013 @ 1:00 pm

Well, That Was Short

Iron Man 3 was awesome. If you still haven't gotten over it, then here's one more Tony Stark-related clip to tide you over before the release of Avengers 2 or Iron Man 4, whichever comes first.

CineFix recently debuted a series called 8-Bit Cinema where they animate popular movie titles in a retro 8-bit theme and basically retell the entire plot in a minute or two. The pilot episode features the first Iron Man movie in the series, which was released last 2008.

Watch a pixelized version of Iron Man rise from near-death to stop Stane's evil plans from being realized. Enjoy!

Today In Internet Insanity: Nicki Minaj – Demon Possessed Illuminati Agent

By Jack Tomas | June 13, 2013 @ 6:33 am

Tell Um Who The Hell I Is!

In this new feature I scour the Internet's darkest paranoid corners in order to find the craziest of the crazy crackpot ideas and conspiracy theories. Today I want to tell you about a video produced by a guy calling himself The Vigilant Christian, (Cue "Da-Dum-Dum!" stinger). What is he so vigilant about? Spotting Satan's evil Illuminati agents in the media, of course! In this 11 minute diatribe he explains how crappy singer and snazzy dresser Nicki Minaj is possessed by demons and works as an agent of the evil Illuminati that secretly run the world. She spreads the Satanic cabal's insidious agenda through her catchy dance pop tunes and as a judge on American Idol. Well, yeah! Thanks for stating the obvious, Vigilant Christian.

These are common tropes in the world of modern baby eating crazy conspiracy theories. A popular entertainer that acts a little weird, (or a lot friggin' weird in her case), makes folks like the Vigilant Christian very uncomfortable. Jay-Z is a common target for their bile because, I guess, he has 99 problems and being an agent of Satan is one. The fact that they are also Black and that Vigilant Christian's lily white kids are listening to them probably also plays a role. Although, to be fair, if someone was going to be possessed by Satan, it would probably be Nicki Minaj. That chick is weird, like for realsies. The main reason I think she isn't a vessel for Beelzebub is that it's too obvious. Lucifer is much more subtle than that. He would possess someone you wouldn't expect like Joni Mitchell or that one guy from The Big Band Theory. So, I doubt she is an evil minion of the Dark Lord. She's just a crappy singer.

No Need to Slice or Slurp: Pizza and Spaghetti Slushies

By Hazel Chua | June 12, 2013 @ 1:00 pm

Pizza and spaghetti slushies have got to be two of the most disgusting ~~snacks~~ drinks ever--if they actually existed, that is.

Images of slushie machines that are found Canadian convenience store chain Couche-Tard recently went viral because of their very unusual flavors. The signs read "Pizza" and "Spaghetti," and you can either sip from an all-pizza or all-spaghetti cup, depending on your preferences.

Or you could mix both slushies and get a truly unique gastronomic experience. If you're into pizza and spaghetti slushie mixes.

Wonderfully Horrible Netflix Instant Films: “The Karate Kid Part II”

By Jack Tomas | June 12, 2013 @ 9:57 am

Live Or Die, Man?

Let me stop you right there before you tear my head off. When was the last time you watched The Karate Kid Part II? When you were 10? Believe me friend, it does not hold up as a good movie. Wonderfully horrible? Yes. Part III was just painful and Part IV with Hillary Swank is a demonic abomination. But Part II has a cheesy 80's charm that can't be beat. The first Karate Kid is a really great movie. It's perhaps one of the best coming-of-age movies of all time, (Stand By Me is number one in my opinion). But Part II was largely a rehash of the first movie with a little exotic quasi-racist Orientalism thrown in for added flavor. Oh, and a truly triumphant song by Peter Cetera.

Part II picks up immediately after Daniel LaRusso, (Ralph Macchio), beat the Cobra Kai at the tournament from the first movie. The evil Cobra Kai sensei comes after Mr. Miyagi, (Pat Morita), only to be humiliated by having his nose honked, (oooooh, snap!). Daniel and Mr. Miyagi then travel to his native Okinawa because Miyagi's dad is dying. Apparently, many years ago Miyagi ran from a challenge to a fight to the death by his friend Sato for the hand of some chick. This was dishonorable because it is. There is a lot of mysterious Asian talk about honor and stuff that sounds an awful like a White dude with no knowledge of Okinawan culture wrote it, (because it is). Daniel soon runs afoul of Sato's nephew who wants to bone the young Okinawan chick that is sweet on Daniel, (Elizabeth Shue from the first movie dumped him when she realized that Daniel-san is a douche). This all leads to a stand-off between Sato's nephew and Daniel where a technique based on a spinning drum you can buy at any gift shop in Asia allows Daniel to win. Daniel shows he's the bigger man by only honking the guy's nose and not killing him. Way to not commit murder, Daniel-san!

The movie is kind of racist in its stereotypical depiction of the people of Okinawa. Everyone lives in paper houses and has a black belt in karate. They spend all of their time talking about honor and stuff like they are about to have a samurai sword duel on a secluded island. Still, a little Oriental othering never stopped me from enjoying a movie, (I love me some Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, for example). The writing is schlocky and even more didactic about its "important life lessons" than the first movie. But the best scene in the whole movie is a love montage where Daniel and his little girlfriend run around on the beach to the sound of Peter Cetera's The Glory of Love. This may be one of the greatest maudlin love songs of the 80's and that's saying something. I guarantee that if you put this song on the next time you are with your girl that you'll get laid...OK, not guarantee...

Mexican Cat Runs For Mayor

By Jack Tomas | June 11, 2013 @ 4:23 pm

¡Viva Morris El Gato!

Literally anyone can be a politician in Mexico. A kitty named Morris is running for mayor of the Mexican town of Xalapa, (don't ask me how to pronounce it). His main campaign promise is to rid the city of rats. I've been to those small Mexican towns and I can tell you that one little cat can't do that a lone. He's going to need an army of cat ninjas to kill the legions of rats that scurry around the cities south of the border. It's a stunt by a couple of students to protest what they see as the ineffectual nature of the Mexican government. One of the students, Jair Cuevas, said:

"Candidates here almost never fulfill their promises. Our candidate promises to sleep, eat, yawn and play in the dirt and that is what he will do if he wins the election."

An interesting point. I know our government isn't perfect but it runs like a damn Swiss clock compared to Mexico. Maybe it's time that they hand over the reins of power to a cute and fuzzy leader with a no nonsense approach to napping? The only problem is that he would be easily susceptible to bribery. Give him some string or some Whisker Lickins and he'll do whatever you want.

One Lazy Dude’s McChicken Proposal…And She Still Said Yes

By Hazel Chua | June 11, 2013 @ 1:00 pm

When it comes to proposals, geeks do it best. From constructing custom Iron Man arc reactor to building Super Mario boxes that contain the ring and a cheesy line ("Be my player two?"), geeks have done it all. Of course, what happens after the proposal and the subsequent engagement is what matters the most, but you know how girls can get when it comes to the proposal.

Apparently Ann doesn't really give two sh'ts about proposals, though, because her partner-to-be proposed by poking the ring onto the bun of a McChicken sandwich.

"Oh, I think I'm going to propose to my girlfriend today! This McChicken burger should do... I'll just cram it onto the top, wrap it back up, and give it to her when we go for lunch."

The kicker? She actually said "yes." Yeah, way to go dude.

We Didn’t Start The Viral: A Look at Videos That Went Viral in the Last 8 Years (VIDEO)

By Hazel Chua | June 10, 2013 @ 1:00 pm

Some of This is Pure Crap

It all starts with someone telling their friends, family, and anyone who'll listen about how awesome or hot or disgusting a video is. The people told tell their respective networks, and before they know it, the whole thing explodes all over the world and the video has a million and one views (and counting) by the end of the hour.

That's the power of going viral, folks, and it's not something you can force or easily predict.