Humor

Brad Pitt On “Between Two Ferns” Is Everything.

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I have a love hate relationship with Brad Pitt. On the one hand he's starred in some of my favorite movies like Fight Club, Inglorious Basterds, and 12 Monkeys but on the other he looks like such a smug chode. Part of this is no doubt due to him marrying a woman who is so full of herself that she'll break her neck to sniff her own ass. I can forgive him his early work in A River Runs Through It and other such nonsense but I can't reconcile my love of Tyler Durden with my utter disgust at his stupid face at awards shows. That's why I enjoyed Zach Galifianakis taking him down a few notches on Between Two Ferns. I know it's all a big joke but in my head I like to think that he felt a little bit of the sting that Zach was dishing.

Also this video has Louis CK and that's always good.

Worst Places To Be During The Zombocalypse

It is a fact that the zombocalypse is coming. Sorry, but it's true. The Walking Dead is practically a prophetic documentary. But some places will be safe than others when avoiding the undead. Real estate website Trulia calculated where are the worse places to be when the zombocalypse happens. It's not surprising that the biggest cities will be the worst hit. The more densely populated the worse it will be. The #1 worst place to be in Honolulu because of the dense population and horrible traffic. Where I live, in New York City, will be the second worse hit. That's not a surprise either. A zombie gets on with you on the 6 train and you will be eating brains within the hour. The best you can hope for is that you are visiting the countryside when the virus hits.

The truth is that there is nothing you can really do about it. Eventually, the zombies will kill 100% of the population. All you can hope for is to survive a little while. As for me, I'll just let them turn my into a zombie. I don't want to live in some kid of post-apocalyptic craphole. Let me die in peace until I rot from shuffling around looking for delicious brains.

“Mike Tyson Mysteries” Might Be The Best Show Ever

That's Riderkuloos

Who is the greatest entertainer of all time? Elvis? Sinatra? No, it's Mike Tyson. He can hit people really hard, he can do a one man show on Broadway, or "act" in movies. Mostly as himself but whatever. Adult Swim decided to capitalize on his irresistible charm by creating Mike Tyson Mysteries. The show revolves around Iron Mike solving crimes and spooky goings-on with a ragtag team. They include the ghost of the Marquess of Queensbury, (who invented the modern rules of boxing), a wisecracking pigeon, and his Asian adopted daughter. It's drawn in the style of Scooby Doo or other 60's-70's era Hanna-Barbera cartoons. I am not only going to watch this show, I'm going to make it the epicenter of my entire life's schedule.

Finally, Adult Swim puts on a show that you can enjoy without being completely and totally high as F. Watch an additional trailer here.

Today In Japanese Perversion: Sex Doll Drink Dispenser

Bonzai!

Remember in A Clockwork Orange when the lads are at the Moloko Milk Bar and they get their drinks dispensed from a mannequin's boobies? Well, now this nightmarish idea from the fevered brain of Anthony Burgess has become a reality thanks to the Japanese being freaky deakies. They've taken a creepy realistic looking sex doll and made it a drink dispenser. You can massage the right breast while the left funbag pours you a refreshing beverage. Now, I know there is nothing wrong with breast milk and that it's perfectly natural and good to gain sustenance from a female breast...if you are a baby...and the breast isn't rubber. I don't care what awesome drink you've loaded up in those jubblies, I don't want to be reminded of breast feeding when I'm drinking my liquor. Maybe I'm just boring?

What I do know is that if my best man had pulled one of these out at my bachelor party he no longer would have been my best man.

Three-Boob Halloween Costume is Freakishly Funny

Jasmine Tridevil's fifteen minutes of fame are long over, but the legacy of her three-boob hoax will live on in the internet forever. Ironically, the hoax was revealed only when some dude stole her bag off the conveyor and she informed cops that her $5,000 third boob prosthesis was inside. (Damn girl!)

That won't be the last you'll see or hear about a three-boobed chick, because you might spot some come Halloween. The three-boob woman costume has been making the rounds, and it looks ridiculous...so ridiculous, that it might actually become a thing.

Check It Out: Here

Soooo, Vampires Are Real

Blah!

I've gotten pretty sick of vampires. They've reached maximum saturation I would say. With Twilight, True Blood, Dracula Untold, etc. it's really enough already. I mean, it doesn't really matter, right? It's not like vampires are real, right? WRONG! Apparently, an archaeologist in Bulgaria has found a real vampire grave. The person was dug up in the ancient Thracian city of Perperikon and was found with a metal spike driven through their chest nailing them to the ground. They did this in order to keep the fiendish bloodsucker from rising from the grave to feast on the living. Nikolai Ovcharov, the head archaeologist said,

"We have no doubts that once again we’re seeing an anti-vampire ritual being carried out."

ONCE AGAIN? How many friggin' vampire graves has this guy found? Is it just in Bulgaria or do I have to worry about vampires in Brooklyn like that movie where Eddie Murphy had a mullet?

I’d Crash My Car, Too: Busty Russian Ad Causes 500 Accidents in a Day

Helen's face launched a thousand ships, but it was this pair of huge-ass watermelons that caused half a thousand accidents. An advert featuring the aforementioned boobies were placed on the side of thirty trucks which were driven around Moscow. Even though the nips were strategically covered, dudes (and perhaps even some ladies?) couldn't look away...resulting in 517 car accidents reported that very day!

The stunt, by an advertising agency specializing in mobile adverts, backfired after police sent out patrols to round up all the vehicles and impound them until the risque images could be removed. Furious drivers across Moscow have reportedly bombarded the agency with compensation claims.

Well, at least the campaign was successful! In case you were wondering, the ad agency promised to pay for the damage their campaign caused, so that 'successful' bit is pretty subjective.