Jennifer Lopez Deep Picture Perfect Cleavage at People Magazine Awards

How in the heck does Jennifer Lopez keep getting hotter and hotter and her funbags more and more perfect with age? I’m quite certain she’d have to kill me if she told me, albeit I’d accept the penalty of death if my last meal were verifying the taste of her sweet Latina melons. Yes, I did just say that

Jennifer owned the red carpet at the People Magazine awards last night, an event you probably don’t care too much about because you’re not currently a 40-year old woman in a hair salon. But, as with most of these silly award shows and slaps on the collective Hollywood backs, plenty of fine ladies came out, none finer or more passion inducing than Jennifer. Maybe I’m biased because I dream nightly of Jenny from the Block practicing How Low Can You Go dance moves above my gaping maw, but how can you not love a woman flashing epic fine cleavage at forty-five like Jenny? I’m going to need more towels. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News

Cassie Cardelle Sextastic Body Water Pimping Time

Cassie Cardelle may be loaded with all sorts of hidden talents, but the not hidden talents is where my focus lies today. Wow, this model knows how to wear a swimsuit or bikini or whatever you might call that bit of wardrobe you are quickly imagining Poseidon sending a rogue wave to remove for full visual wonderment mode.

Cassie is once more prancing hot hot little body across the beaches of Malibu for the checkered bottled water company. I’m pretty sure if you camped out on the beach there for the day you’d be witness to many of these lust inducing beach girl shoots. I know, because I often do that. Cassie Cardelle is the kind of girl that comes into your life and you simply never forget when you first met. Often because that awkward moment is described in detail in the restraining order. Those silly things. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlyNet

Fernanda Uesler One Piece Swimsuit Hot Body Throwdown on Miami Beach

Interesting. Very interesting. Brazilian sextastic model and beach comber extraordinaire Fernanda Uesler opted to throw her hat into the hottest body on the beach contest in a bright one piece swimsuit rather than a bikini. Granted, this isn’t your granny’s boardwalk bathing suit. Nay, this sleek little body hugging and lady parts revealing number is quite fashion forward. Not to mention other things leaning toward the front as you ogle this fine Sudamericana transplant engaged in the most epic silent body battle in the history of beach-hood.

Fernanda Uesler isn’t just some ‘chick on the beach’. She’s a divine presence flashing her fineries in one-piece style. This could be a complete game changer. And, trust me, this is the most wonderful game ever invented. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News

Maitland Ward as Sexy Santa Is Oh, So Sweet and Cleavy Pokey

There isn’t a single event in Hollywood where Maitland Ward and her sweet curves aren’t a welcome sight. Tis the season for wonderful shows of Sexy Santa costumes for girls like Maitland who bring their own Santa’s bag of tricks with them everywhere they go. If you need something to put you into the holiday spirit, just stare deeply into that racktastic bit of wonderment.

Christmas really is my favorite time of the year, in no small part thanks to how sextastic elves and Santa’s helpers have taken over the holiday by sheer force of being amazing looking. Maitland Ward is most definitely a North Pole treat that will leave you feeling the tug of gravity around your Southern Pole. That innuendo wasn’t even hardly veiled. Job well done, Maitland. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News / GSI

Alyssa Barbara Big Bodacious Yum Yums in Lace Lingerie


Oh, Canada, how you do deliver in pressing times. Or pulling times. Pressing and pulling I suppose when it comes to the most common reactions to seeing Canuckian alluring model Alyssa Barbara posing in lingerie for your viewing pleasure. Other common reactions include drooling, low frequency moans, and the desire to eat many oysters chased with Scotch.

I’m not sure if it’s the epic boobtastic or the fine rear in lacy little things, but I suddenly feel inspired to song. It’s kind of a dirty limerick more than a song and would get me slapped in most proper established. But such is the poetry in men inspired by the fairest of the finer gender. Alyssa, you are just doing wonderfully horrible things to my gray matter at the moment. I suppose that was the point. Job well done. So hot. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Alyssa Barbara

Nina Agdal Bra and Panties Posing As Your Christmas Wish

Sometimes photo shoot titles are just dead on in titling. Like this Nina Agdal lingerie pimping promotion for Leonisa called ‘Christmas Wishes’. I don’t know about you, but this is precisely the type of sexstastic wrapped goodness I imagine finding under my aluminum lifelike Christmas tree on the 25th. It’d be a squeeze, but the mere thought of unwrapping Danish Delight Nina Agdal underneath the vinyl pine simply makes me too excited to sleep on the 24th.

Her perfect curves, that soft skin, those delicious lady parts barely covered in silken bra and panties. Yes, this is why I still hear the bells on Christmas. They’re guiding me to the likes of Nina Agdal and her yuletide funbags. Santa, if you please, you could make a little big boy very happy this year simply by making a quick stop in Copenhagen on your way to L.A. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Leonisa Lingerie

Paris Hilton Cleavy, Emily Ratajkowski Sextastic, Anastasia Ashley Asstastic Highlight the Sextastic Twitpics Roundup

We truly are living in digitally interesting times. I know all this technology is important in the fields of medicine and education and public safety and other less important matters, but what it’s done for the ability to translate celebrity ego into celebrity hot social media pics really must be it’s highest purpose. The amount of skin self-published by the most stellar looking among us continues to grow by the day. It’s, well, it’s beautiful.

This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes the blessedly hot Arianny Celeste, Emily Ratajkowski not wearing much, Paris Hilton flashing cleavage from across the sea, Anastasia Ashley in multiple bikini booty visual cues, Alessandra Ambrosio in a tiny bikini, Kendall Jenner in her Calvins and much more. You owe it to that elf who tries ever so hard but still can’t make toys anybody wants to check out each and every one of these passion inducing selfies and self-published candids. It’s like candy for the libido. Enjoy.