Celebrities

Ashley Greene Wicked Hot in Women’s Health for Men’s Health Too (Get That Heart Rate Up, Gentleman)

There was a time when we regularly peeked at sextastic thespianic Ashley Greene. Historians refer to this period formally as the Age of Great Erections. Then she kind of went away for a while. Who knows. Romance, private times, reclusive desires, break from work. I do not know. But every now and then the talented Ms. Greene returns to us in some heavenly form to remind us of those golden ages. Such as this short but sweet pictorial in Women's Health magazine. I'm not expert in women's health, but Ashley Greene sure looks glowing and healthy to me. Also hot, which I think is the better part of good health.

Ashley, I can't stand the thought of you going away ever again. Could you maybe find it in your heart to appear before the cameras more often in even less? I'm asking on behalf of a grateful world. Either way, no hard feelings. Well, okay, harder if you say yes. You are so damn hot. Enjoy.

Katie Price Goes Massive Cleavage for De Minimis Book Launch

Ah, Katie Price. Model, reality star, and noted author. Well, noted as having the largest yams of anybody who's ever put out more than a half dozen or so books perhaps. I'm not sure Katie writes them, I'm quite sure I will never read them, but that doesn't mean we can't rejoice in the display of ta-ta's she puts on every single time she puts another tome out in into the Amazon world. I'll say this for Katie, she knows how to get the press to show up for her announcements.

Katie's new book is called Make My Wish Come True. I'm going to go ahead and state that unless her wish is to have a Yankee blogger motorboat her for five minutes then ask if she has any crackers, I probably can't oblige. I'm sure the deeper meaning is between the covers. I'll leave it to you to decipher as I sit here and gladly allow gravity to direct my eyeball orbitals in the direction of her massive mammary. There's no hobby quite like reading. Enjoy.

 

Kelly Brook Boobtastic Hotness Seeps Through Her 2015 Calendar

It's hot sexy calendar time. Yes, that's all year round, but naturally it peaks during purchase period time from October through December when every man makes the most important decision of his life -- whose blessed ta-ta's shall I look at every morning in the coming year. Thankfully, we have big walls and big hearts here at Egotastic, so we don't have to choose from just one among so many wonderful options. However, if we had to choose, you can bet Kelly Brook would make the finalists cut.

Kelly Brook has been bringing tingles to annual calendars for about a decade now. She's an institution in hottie wall visions of glorious chests. While she doesn't go nekkid in her shoots, the advantage is you don't need to remove content from your wall when Aunt Myrtle steps in to see why you never call. Of course, you can't stand Aunt Myrtle, which is why you never call, but I'd recommend going with the more vague 'I'm just so crazy busy' followed by some inaudible mumbles. Then gently guide her to the door so you can once more be alone with your Kelly Brook calendar.

Abby Cubey Bikini Pictures Put Busty Filipina Lust in the Ocean Breeze

Whoa, be still my erratically beating ticker. The sight of pinay hottie Abby Cubey and her bodacious curves in a bikini is making me skip a few beats, though I assure you the blood flow seems to be working A-OK.

Abby is back for round two of Malibu seaside shoots with the creepy bottled water company that brings hotties out daily for half-nekkid shoots along the shoreline. That's not the creepy part. In fact, that's the best part. If anything is creepy it's what I'm imagining Abby and I doing in my basement of toys. Though I don't actually have a basement since I live in Los Angeles so we'd just have to pretend to be going down a flight of stairs while actually just entering the hall closet. It's worth it. My toy array is mighty impressive, some imported goods that had to bypass customs due to their possibly violating various Crimes Against Humanity laws coming out of the Hague. Abby, I'll be gentle. But when it's your turn, please promise to do the opposite. Enjoy.

Taylor Swift Long Pop Star Legs Return to Los Angeles

We now know Taylor Swift and her long toned body aren't happening by accident. She spent the entire summer with her model buddy Karlie Kloss hitting the gym and Pilates and yoga and puppy stands no doubt in order to keep that core and those long legs in tight runway like condition. It certainly shows. And Taylor Swift is determined not to let any of that hard work not be noticed. She's been wearing short skirts and shorts pretty much nonstop since the Spring. And, good for her, and us leg lovers.

Taylor landed in Los Angeles with a fresh peek of her long stems in shorts and her knee high socks, reminiscent of the school girl who gave you happy dreams back in the day when you thought perhaps your B+ in algebra would be enough to win you the fine ladies in school. Not so lucky there, but fortunate that Taylor is not missing an opportunity for a thousand paparazzi to flash her 'oh, are my long supple thighs showing again' coquettish look. I love that look. And those legs. She might be a high maintenance girlfriend, but she's a very low maintenance ogle. I do so love that that option exists. Enjoy.

Kate Hudson and Reese Witherspoon Cleavetastic to Award McConaughey

Oh, to be Matthew McConaughey for just one evening, that lucky bastard. He's not even bedding these women, though I'm sure that's not outside any range of possibility, but the hotties in Hollywood are pushing up their bosom and flashing their finest cleavage for his award ceremony at the American Cinematheque presentation which I think is French for McConaughey gets lucky again.

Kate Hudson and Reese Witherspoon led the charge of 30-s0mething hot cleavy moms in Tinsel Town blushing to be a part of pinning anything on Matthew. Someday, I'd like to see ladies of this caliber getting decked out for me perhaps getting my remedial typing certificate from the Learning Annex, nobody every shows up to those short but valid ceremonies. I did once pay a woman off the streets to come in and pretend to be my mom.  I really need a better strategy to get from here to McConaughey territory. I want the luscious funbags! Sorry, for the outburst. Enjoy.

Ariana Grande Hot Kitty At Radio One Teen Awards

I'll be the first to admit this whole jumping and juking petite pop diva stage antic thing is pretty juvenile and lacks much in the way of musical composition. I'll always be the first to say, who the heck cares. Let the teeny boppers talk about their favorite TV turned music stars as if they are modern day Beatles and Claptons. Me and a bunch of my ogling gentlemen friends get to see the likes of Ariana Grande preening and bending and showing off on stage in costumes that would've gotten us all arrested just a short generation ago. Now, that is music to my eyes.

Ariana Grande was a featured guest at Britain's Radio One Teen Awards and made sure to put on an extra special crotch and leg baring performance. She most definitely has the petite hottie goods. Those legs alone could cause a few men to fracas drunken in a bar. I know I'd punch the lights out of any man who spoke ill of Ariana's hot little dancer body. Albeit, I'm a pacifist so I'd probably just order my ex-Chris Brown bodyguards to do the punching. Ariana, you move me with your rhythms. That's almost like real music, perhaps even better. Enjoy.