Celebrities

Hayley Orrantia Purple Bikini For a Water Goddess Introduction to Egotastic!

Hello, hottie Texas brunette thespianic Hayley Orrantia. You may have seen Hayley in her role on The Goldbergs on ABC. Or, now you can see her pushes up in her bikini top all purple and hard to miss on the beach in Malibu. I think I might just be in lust. Strike that, I know I am.

How jealous I quickly become of things such as the ocean surf as it laps up the sweet behind of young sextastic celebrities like Hayley. Why I am tortured to look from behind my mini spy binoculars while the salty brine can lap her up in every crack and crevice. Alas, maybe in my next life. Enjoy.

Vanessa Hudgens, Audrina Patridge, Bella Thorne Highlight the Hotness at the Young Hollywood Awards

I'm not really sure what the Young Hollywood Awards are about, only that it seemed like most of the guests were not all that terribly young. Okay, in their 20's mostly, but considering the categories were kiddy stuff such as Best Onscreen Kiss and Favorite Bromance, I'm thinking it was geared toward a much younger audience. But, stupid silly award shows aside, the hotties showed up to walk the red carpet. Young Hollywood past and present such as Vanessa Hudgens who looks better than ever before if I might say, Audrina Patridge who I understand is newly single and ever bikini hot, Bella Thorne, the darling ingenue of Hollywood, Jessica Lowndes, underrated body faptastic, and several more.

When you have an awards show at the end of July, you're not expecting super amounts of attention. Which is perhaps why we didn't get as much leg and skin as we get at the bigger shows. Still, I'm never looking a gift horse in the mouth, especially one with pretty pucker like Vanessa Hudgens. Enjoy.

Kylie Minogue Bikini Teasy Cutie for GQ Italy

I've wanted to have biblical relations with Kylie Minogue since before I'm sure I even knew what that entailed. Something inside my genetic programming just told me it was a good thing, and with Kylie, a potentially great thing that ought to be done. All these years later, reality has yet to catch up with the DNA dreams, but I still lust heartily for Kylie Minogue, a faptastic and forty girl most undoubtedly.

Kylie just keeps on ticking with cheeky hotness, including her bare arse cheeks in this GQ Italia magazine spread that shows why the veteran hotties have so much to teach the youngsters of today. Like the long slow tease. Oh, baby, Kylie has been working that for decades now. It's not always about squatting on an inflatable penis and yelling curse words. Sometimes, it's a little cocktail dress, or a bikini in a stylish Italian magazine spread with a killer smile. Kylie, please, teach us all. Start with me. I've been a very bad boy. Enjoy.

Naomi Campbell and Cassie Bikini Fun Time Aboard Diddy’s Yacht

I don't think he call himself Diddy anymore, I could care less. I care more about the passengers on his Riviera yachting vacation, most notably his girlfriend Cassie and his not girlfriend veteran supermodel Naomi Campbell in bikinis.

As you know, I am only 3,975 easy payments away from owning my own vessel of the high seas which I will stock with hip hop divas and super models and or maybe local girls from the junior college who have never been on a boat before. Something about being at sea with girls in bikinis that gets a man to thinking about good times. Especially once you hit international waters and I'm pretty sure there are no rules about asking before oiling booties. I'm not super clear on the laws, but I think that's right. Either way, Naomi, Cassie, if you feel strange greasy hands, that'd be me. Please don't kick. Enjoy.

Jennifer Flavin Nearly Spilling Out of Her Bikini Top in the South of Hot Mamas

Okay, it was France. Jennifer Flavin and Sylvester Stallone and family (older daughter coming to Egotastic! soon) hit the yacht in the South of France for a little summer vacation fun time and Jennifer, definitely in the Forty and Faptastic Club, nearly lost her ample bosom out of her tiny bikini top as she bent forward to... well, to show off her ample bosom. If you got it, flaunt it, baby.

Jennifer Flavin doesn't get much notoriety these days, outside of the occasional appearance with her celebrity husband. But make no mistake, she was a thing, and she still is a thing, very much on her own model goodness. Being a mom to three teenage girls has only made her more savvy and playful. She's the queen of the brood and she's showing off her regal assets. I get that. I mean, I want to get that badly. Good work, Jennifer. Enjoy.

Michelle Lewin Bikini Rump Hot Enough to Fry Eggs and Cajones

I really can't think of a more inspiring sight than Michelle Lewin and her oiled down magical thumper on the beach in Miami. I was going to say something like the Statue of Liberty or similarly powerful symbols, but they all still come in second place for me to the super fine arse and all over hot bikini body of the Venezuelan fitness model.

Michelle Lewin's freckles alone drive me to the brink of insanity. You know how badly I want to connect those dots and see where they lead me? Perhaps a little bit dangerous on a woman that could squat thrust me into the next county, but oh, the smile I'd have on my face as I was flying through the air. Michelle Lewin, you are booty baring treat for the ages. Enjoy.

Eva Herzigova, the Original Czech Supermodel, Swimsuit Hot in Sardinia

Eva Herzigova is one of the original cast members of the supermodel ladies club from the 90's, the gals who broke all the rules, made small fortunes, and covered every single magazine possible in the world. I'm not sure about that breaking all the rules part, but she certainly paved the way for so many wicked hot Czech models in her wake. And she's still going strong.

Like so many people not named myself, Eva is vacationing this summer at some fun beach place in Italy, taking up a little beach volleyball with the family, and looking might still super swell doing so. She still has the slender, au natural frame that made her the coveted prize of every major designer, not to mention young men like myself who imagined her strutting a more personal catwalk. Forty and faptastic isn't just a club, it's an admission of veteran hotness. Eva is definitely in the club. Enjoy.