Celebrities

Cara Delevingne Wet and Sextastic for Fashion Pimping

I'm not sure if my views on Cara Delevingne are influenced by the fact that she's young and hot and famous and sleeping with a bunch of women who I can only dream of ever bedding in my lifetime. But probably so. It's a general desire for her model body combined with a respect for her game. She knows something I don't. I have to admire that. Even while I think about the sea water undressing her from whatever it is she's pimping in this John Hardy advertising campaign.

As a young successful model and socialite, I'm going to go ahead and imagine she might be a bit of a high maintenance girlfriend. The kind a Michelle Rodriguez might be able to tame while perhaps some of us could not. Nevertheless, her entire world seems rather alluring to me, beginning with her looks rolling around in the sands on the beach. They don't just pass out those six-figure modeling paychecks to anyone. Cara Delevingne has got some serious skills. Enjoy.

Casey Batchelor Bikini Poolside Exhibition Times in Dubai

Caeey Batchelor claims she actually had a funbag reduction of sorts. I'm not particularly seeing it, although I do have an alarm set up that is supposed to warm me globally of such events.

The brunette glamour model and TOWIE starlet was soaking up the sun and tons of attention from international ogling gentleman at a hotel in Dubai over the weekend. Casey appears rather comfortabe with whatever it is she has done to her curvaceous female form. I bet she'd be a little less comfortable with what I have planned for the very same divine apparatus. Enjoy.

Angela Simmons Bikini Curvy Bodied Birthday Showtime in Miami

I don't know exactly what 'real woman' means, but many men and ladies use it to describe a girl with a little meat on her bones, as opposed to many of the in need of a sandwich and pronto celebrities we often see sweating until the Pilates shop closes up for the evening. If that's the case, then Angela Simmons is all real woman. The full bodied and curvy celebrity scion and reality show participant was showing off her lovely two hands full of lady sextastic on the beach in Miami over her birthday weekend.

We've seen Angela several times now on South Beach in and out of the water. Each time we are quite allured by her squeezably lust-inducing frame. I love women in all shapes and sizes and colors and nationalities and any other characteristic you might name. Mr. Happy digs diversity big time. So he tells me as I sleep. Angela, happy birthday. Keep on keeping on in this little bikinis. Enjoy.

Courtney Stodden Big Boobs and Big Wins at the Feline Film Festival

Oh, sure, I could look up what the Feline Film Festival is. But after this weekend of hacked celebrity photos, my Google fingers are kind of sore so I'm just going to assume this is a festival for films about cats, made by cats, or for a cat audience. Take your pick. I do know that now 20-year old Courtney Stodden showed up with her bazoongas hanging out to make sure both kittens and children alike in attendance had a solid understanding of where bowls of milk come from.

Courtney has trouble getting the A-list party invites, but if it's obscure and there's a red carpet, you can count on Courtney digging into her closet of low cut gowns to show off her enhanced yabbos and pucker like Marilyn. It's not everybody's thing, but it's Courtney's thing. And if you don't think blonde young women with enormous puppies won't get attention at a feline film festival, you are grossly mistaken. Enjoy.

Bella Thorne, Heidi Klum, Bar Refaeli the Height of Hotness at amFAR Gala in Milan

With any big Fashion Week comes the ballyhooed and star-studded amFAR fundraising gala for AIDS. it is a must stop for every big name in thespianics and modeling who happens to be in town for the big week's events. Milan is a major stop for the fashionistas, a big building block in the Emperor's New Clothes industry . If you're good looking, it's pretty much a must visit in mid September after New York and London. I know what you're thinking. Why wasn't I there then. Well, there's a little thing called NFL Sunday Ticket that keeps me America-bound during the late Summer and Fall.

Super sextastic lovelies attending the amFAR party included Bar Refaeli, Alessandra Ambrosio, Heidi Klum, Bella Thorne, and many more. If you happened to be a model looking dude yourself, or if your Lambo is just your weekend cruising vehicle, you probably could do very well for yourself at this party, albeit they do expect a nice six figure donation for attending. Worth it to hobnob with the hotites. I mean, I hope they do take personal checks drawn from mysterious sounding institutions like the Bank of Bill. I need to get to this party! Enjoy.

Taylor Swift, Fergie, and Arielle Kebbel Highlight the Sextastic at the iHeart Radio Festival

Granted, the iHeart Radio Festival in Vegas each September might be the largest assemblage of pop music's more craptastic hot artists of the moment, but there's no denying that like all such similar events, the hot girls come out to be seen in show and on the red carpet. iHeart Radio is no small player, so when they put the hooks out to the publicity agents for top level talent, top level talent migrates to Sin City for the weekend. Hotties such as Taylor Swift, a mighty fine looking Fergie, Arielle Kebbel, Sophia Bush, and more show up to strut their finest and talk about all the crazy hot boy bands.

I may never understand teeny music with a fresh funky Casio beat. But I do know pretty girls. And they do tend to be around that same horrific music. So, suck it up like I do and talk about how Iggy Azalea music is really powerful if you want to either be popular with a niece or intend to date anybody under 30 who works in the food services or retail mall industries. Enjoy.

Jessica Chastain Is Cleavy At “Salome And Wilde Salome” Screening

The lovely Jessica Chastain showed off more than her acting talent at a screening for the film Salome and Wilde Salome. Jessica has quite a nice rack, which she was kind enough to let us all see in a yellow dress that was cut down almost to her navel. The result was some cleavage for the ages. I think I'll be telling my grandkids about this cleav, it's that good. Jessica's ta-tas are lovely and plump, like two ginger melons. Some people don't like redheads because they have a reputation for being kind of crazy and are susceptible to sunburns. While it's true that the one redhead I dated tried to run me over with a car, (not a joke), I think it was worth it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, Jessica I'm here for you no matter your debilitating lack of skin pigmentation.