Dakota Fanning Does Noir For VS Magazine, I Nearly Die for Dakota

Here’s something you don’t see everybody but when you do see it, you’re reminded how you secretly wished for it for what seems like forever. Dakota Fanning in an all grow’d up photoshoot, all kinds of noir and made up and dangerous in a motel room looking kind of grow’d up. Oh, happy days and dark nights.

Dakota Fanning isn’t a kid anymore, but she’s maintained something of an artistically clean rep during her transition into Egotastic-hood. She has so much stored sextastic, I wonder if sometime it might just blow. She needs these little minor quakes to prevent the entire shizzbang from blowing. I’d recommend more and more, and naughtier and naughtier of these kinds of shoots for here. She really is a stunner. When more clothes start coming off, well, let’s just say I’d invest heavily in emollients and lubricant manufacturing firms. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: VS Magazine

Thank God It’s Upskirts! Naomi Watts, Ariana Grande, and Jennifer Lopez Panties Peeks for the Weekend Getaway

If you’re like me, at some point I’m making the long trek this weekend to my couch. It’s a decent number of feet and even when stepping entirely on the backs of my intern army, it’s still a chore. I need a little something something to inspire my gait. Something like a dozen or so peeks up the skirts of some of Hollywood’s hottest ladies in short skirts, dresses, and otherwise just flashing their undercrackers inadvertently for our ogling eyes.

Take a gander at these sweet blessed upskirt peeks of some extremely alluring leading ladies. You might just find yourself inspired enough to hit the couch as well. Or loo if you require a little extra privacy. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Egotastic! Archives

Alison Brie Cleavy Smoking Hot Swimsuit Pictures, We May Not Survive These Melons of Joy

Alison Brie just kills me. She pulls the life force right out of me, shakes it up like a cocktail, and puts it right back in no particular order or sensibility. It’s hard to explain the feeling precisely, but suffice it to say, it’s a good one.

The girl next door cutie slash often underrated alluring girl you’d wished you’d had an evening alone with in college got into a cleavetastic revealing swimsuit for a pictorial for GQ Mexico, because caballeros need to know how to accessorize as well. Her swimsuits aren’t as undone or unzipped as I might particularly please, but I suppose there’s something to be said for the art of the tease. Mostly that thing is, make it stop and flash us your epic funbags so we might properly break into happy tears. Body language says so much more than spoken utterances. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: GQ Mexico

Joanna Krupa Almost Falls Out of Her Dress Partying for Her Man

I used to think Joanna Krupa told me she was married all the time was just her way of saying, Bill, look at your shoes, they have holes in them. Well, I tell you what. I drilled those holes in my shoes and I’m damn proud of my work. Also, Joanna Krupa really is married to some obviously hunky hunkmeister who in between having his chest hair shorn to save babies in developing nations owns some nightclubs in Miami. One of these locations celebrated their anniversary so Joanna put on her best, or at least, most revealing party dress, and got in on the action to support the cause. Now that’s a wife.

I’m hoping that if I ask super nicely, Joanna will wear this same dress to my Learning Annex graduation next month. I don’t like to brag, but I can not take dictation in shorthand in over seven dead languages. It’s pretty big. Not as big as her deep cleavage and that preening of hers in shiny showy wardrobes, but if I combine the two, I’m fairly certain I can make a Megazord of happy tingles. Party work well done, Joanna. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Kim Kardashian Latex Covered Lady Curves Dine With Madonna

When Kim Kardashian and Madonna get together for a little chow time in London, you can bet there’s going to be latex, fur, and nylons. And that’s just on the sex dolls they bring along with them in the cabs.

The two mega stars, both famous in their own way for their brazen sexuality, one with a number of number one hits as a kicker, were absolutely going to make sure they got noticed by the British paparazzi in their finest of wares. Kim’s plastic skin tight dress was something straight out of the comic books, well, the comic books you’d hide underneath your mattress. And Madonna, well, just the fact she can walk after her big stage tumble the other night is something of a miracle. She holds her own when given a little prep time. Unlike as many had predicted, the world did not end when these two got together. Albeit Kim’s globes did look about ready to explode. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: INF/FameFlynet

Zoe Kravitz Bikini Top Beauty for Ocean Drive

Consider me a big Zoe Kravitz fan. I’m not sure why this minxy occasionally seen in public second generation lust inducer moves me so, I try not to question the riddle that is primal passion. The heart wants what the heart wants. And the lower heart, well, it’s never happy until it get what it wants.

Featured in a bikini top in the latest and greatest edition of Ocean Drive magazine, Zoe Kravitz gives a little attitude and a little skin and runs with it in a simple, but telling photo shoot. I think mostly she’s telling me I have no chance, but fair enough, I love a challenge. How crazy hard would life be if every woman I desired just gave themselves to me. Yep, that would be absolutely brutal. Zoe, I’m sending you the video I made of myself doing pushups. You only see the first three, but trust me, it goes on for like 30 minute more. Be my girl. Ditch the bikini. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Ocean Drive Magazine

Gigi Hadid See Through Dress En Fuego In Vogue

Continuing with our theme of see-through clothing on hot chicks, here is Gigi Hadid wearing a see-through dress for Vogue Spain. Gigi is one of the current “it” girls and it’s easy to see why. She’s eight shades of friggin’ sexy. She’s got a perfect pair of boobs. If Goldilocks were a horny lesbian instead of a sneaky porridge thief, Gigi’s boobs would be the ones she would pick because they’re not too small or too big but just right. They have a high, what I like to call, motorboatability. In other words, do I feel the irresistible urge to put my face in between them and vigorously motorboat them? The answer is a decided yes to that.

Gigi has also got a dynamite pair of legs. Oh, that Santa Claus brings me one thing I ask for this year and brings me Gigi to wrap her legs around me. I would give her the best three minutes of her life.

Photo Credit: Vogue Spain