I can imagine myself with Mellisa Clarke, anywhere, anytime, doing anything.

Of course, I do have some top ten type favorite scenarios involving furry costumes and boats lost at sea and such, but I really find this alt-brunette model so incredibly passion inducing, I could eat Ramen with her in a barf-covered living room and be truly happy. I know this because I've done the same with girls who do not compare to Mellisa in any way and was still reasonably content. But, Mellisa Clarke in her little pink panties and not much else, wow, I wouldn't even need the Ramen to make that a lifetime memorable moment.

On Ta-Ta-Tuesdays we like to celebrate the breast and brightest in our fair lands. Mellisa Clarke is not just a princess in these parts, she's the queen. Enjoy.

More than a nip slip really, a solid bit of melon exhibited by our heavily belusted hottie, Doutzen Kroes, when shooting out in New York City, and obviously wearing no bra.

Now, we hate bras more than any woman does, I assure you. So we were quite pleased at the sight of the teat of the most underrated of the Victoria's Secret angels. Doutzen Kroes deserves all the attention she gets, whether flashing or not. Though, flashing really is the preferred method, natch. Enjoy.

DOUTZEN KROES OFTEN COMES CLOSE TO FLASHING HER TOP IN PHOTOS

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Move over Angus Young, I think I just bumped you from my list of all-time favorite guitar players, quite in favor of the belusted India Reynolds flashing her axe and her twin cans of goodness in this month's Loaded magazine.

Now, I wouldn't normally put topless sextastic women playing instruments as my favorite fantasy land motif, but I must say, seeing the smoking hot brunette, few clothes, and her six-string, well, I'm starting to have some rocker chick fantasies like you would not believe. Or, you probably would actually if you're already here. Enjoy.

And you said all my silly candle lightings and wishing upon falling stars was childish whimsy. Who's laughing now as we gaze upon our heavily belusted and curvaceous Kelly Brook topless and full frontal on the beach in Cancun.

I honestly think I might cry.

Kelly Brook and her funbags o' plenty are just magnificent displays of passion inducing mammaries. As you know, I've already vowed to live out my golden years in the ample cleavage of the sextastic British model. Now I realize I might be getting some sun myself on certain vacation occasions.

Oh, happy days when Kelly Brook reveals her beautiful melons with a fun cheeky smile. I feel like a kid in a candy store, the best candy store ever! Enjoy.

Some shows are done for the season, and others are just starting up or coming back. It's the lifecycle of the boob tube, some must die so that others may flourish and flash their chests. And in this week's Boob Tube Roundup, we got a few old friends coming back to us.

This week's Roundup features the return of HBO's True Blood, truly one of the most breast-baring spectacles to ever hit the small screen. The opening episode of season six being no different with Jamie Gray Hyder and Kelly Overton flashing their bare bodies in a three-way undead scene. Also this week saw the return of the second season of Magic City, the 1950's R-rated gangster series on Starz and an extended nekkid touching scene from Meredith Ostrom. And, finally, the new BBC show, The White Queen, coming soon to Starz, opening up with an intense making of the sexy scene starring Rebecca Ferguson. Some new blood, as it were. And happy happy skin time. Enjoy.

Just when I cried about what seemed like the end of that amazing Nicole Neal USA Supergirl photoshoot from Front magazine, well along come some additional images of the Page 3 glamour model in and out of her cosplay goodies, flashing that absolutely killer body of hers. How we would like to be the wardrobe assistant to her day time costume fun time activities. We'd be respectful, but make suggestions and occasionally offer to help her change into and out of her intimates. We are only human.

There's nothing we like around here better than surprises. And, for the record, not the ones that come in small packages. Enjoy.

Sometimes, I need a good kick in the pants to get me on the straight and narrow. I'm not above taking constructive criticism, as in the letter I received from EgoReader 'Deron' who wanted to know why the bollocks there was no sign of ridiculously hot glamour model Emily Shaw anywhere on this Noah's Ark of the sextastic. I don't know to be honest. Now I do feel like Noah who merely overlooked the okapis and left everybody wondering just how thorough his two-by-two embarkation process was.

Like all of the better chastisers, Deron sent us a little recent if not entirely epic sample of Emily Shaw in one killer revealing Frank White photoshoot. You may gaze upon Emily's bodacious boobtastic and fine looks and feel comforted in knowing she's now fulling on board this ship of the salacious. We'll be seeing much more of Emily in the future, I assure you. Enjoy.

What can I say. I'm a sucker for girls with tons of experience points. None more so maybe than Kim Kardashian, who for the first time in her life today had a passenger disembarking her highly visited Love Boat. A baby girl. Mother and daughter are said to be resting comfortably by somebody who paid $5 million for the rights to say that.

It seems like just yesterday our buddy Ray J was performing a procreative act upon Kim. I guess he can only lament his coitus interruptus urinarius strategy. Congratulations to Kim and even Kanye, depending upon his feelings on the matter.

(By the way, why not celebrate the birth of Kim's love child with a full, uncensored viewing of the sex tape that made her famous. Kim K Superstar! It's always fun to see a star's early work.)

For all the love we give the ladies around here, this might be the once a year we celebrate, honor, and otherwise give a completely gratuitous shoutout to the men who bring home the bacon, or, at least, eat a ton of it. Sure, moms are much hotter and produce the next generation, but dads are there doing their part too. So on this Friday before Father's Day, why not give just the sires a little lust in their hearts, courtesy of the faptastic funbags of bodacious brunette, Alice Goodwin.

If Alice Goodwin doesn't get your motor cooking for a little reproduction action, I'm not sure what will. The busty Britty babe loves her some lacy lingerie, and, even more so, stripping out of it for your viewing pleasure. Or Dad's. On his day. He only gets once a year. If he can get a girl like Alice in the same timeframe, he'd be a very happy man. Just saying, tits are better than ties. TGIF!

Oh, wow, talk about our Hebrew School Hottie getting all grown up. I guess that's hard to say of the blonde and freckled Erin Heatherton who may have started young, but has spread her wings as a Victoria's Secret girl for a couple or three years now. Still, seeing Erin Heatherton topless and mature in these rather epically hot photos from her new spread in GQ Germany, we just had to gasp at how fast our girl has matured.

As always, I would still pay a king's ransom for the chance to connect the dots on her speckled form, up, down, and most definitely all the way around. She can pretend to be a mature woman all she wishes, I bet I can still make her giggle like she was a schoolgirl back at Solomon Schechter. Enjoy.

I can't help myself but follow these Femme activists across Europe. I think they're actually getting better looking. I know I still don't understand what they're scrawling all over their topless bodies. But they sure do seem angry.

The Ukranian based feminist activist group made Berlin their latest stop, a film producers symposium where German Chancellor Angela Merkel was set to speak or had spoken, or maybe just stopped in to use the ladies room. In any event, the screams began, the tops came off, and the news suddenly become interesting again.

I know, I should stop. But I can't. I can't! Enjoy.

WE FIRST MET THE LOVELY ANGRY PROTEST GIRLS OVER A YEAR AGO NOW

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With all the hubbub this week in Hollywood about the bleak future of the film industry, I'd like to suggest that perhaps the removal of almost all skin-related content from mainstream cinema might have something to do with turning adults away from the theater-going experience. There are far less actresses baring skin in studio films these days than ever before. Is it any wonder indie films and premium TV are stealing the grown up eyeballs? I have an idea for Hollywood to turn this all around -- stop being afraid of sex. It's 2013. That's getting so so tired. I'm done.

You know who isn't scared of the nekkid female form? Our friends at Mr. Skin. They adore it as we do. This week's Mr. Skin Minute includes January Jones in what is certain to become a legendary topless scene in the indie film, Sweetwater, a tribute to the ladies of Season 3 of Game of Thrones who took off their clothes, and a little nod to the topless head-bobbing scene of actress London Gill (aka Dallas West) in This Is The End. Embrace the boobtastic. Enjoy.

(Do not forget dad on Father's Day this weekend. Your very last chance to buy him an inexpensive, but amazing online gift, a Mr. Skin Membership to do with as he pleased behind his locked door. Yeah, guess that, dads do that too. Just do it.)

Happy Flag Day everybody! No, this doesn't mean another shot for the pearl-clutching gaspers to take away another Facebook or YouTube account from Egotastic!, it's a chance to celebrate the adoption of the original U.S. flag. Flags symbolize a nation's purpose and unity. Much like our very own weekly Reader Finds symbolize's our site purpose and unit (best segue-way ever, am I right?). That one day a week we as a people come together to stand as one single ogler checking out the hot, often previously unseen, sextastic skin of our favorite celebrities. Yes, you can have your Flag Day beer now.

This week's Reader Finds includes singer Kacey Musgraves sporting some Flag Day inspired camel toe at the CMT Awards (thank you to EgoReader 'Eric'), Irina Shayk sexy time with a dog (bestial blessings from 'Dennis'), Diora Baird almost topless, what?, okay, she's still hot (kudos to 'Larry G.'), model Kara Young topless from back in the day (on point pointies from 'Anon'), Astrid Berges-Frisbey topless on the big screen (donated kindly by 'Scotty'), Lea Seydoux sextastic in black and white (from the hands of 'Jake'), Daniella Alonso in hot PETA ad (skinned for your pleasure by 'Dona'), Cerina Vincent epically topless in Not Another Teen Movie (cinematically served up by 'Jason'), Angie Everhart veteran topless hotness onscreen (much obliged, 'Siri'), Polanski wife and actress Ludivine Sagnier topless bikini shots (dropped at the doorstep by 'Ono'), Toni Collette topless undressing scene (across the Internet by way of 'Steve H.'), Melissa Johnston et. al, quite topless in Barely Legal (served up by 'Terry'), actress Hayley-Marie Norman flashing her uppers (all the credit in our small world to 'David M.'), Kesha kinda sorta nipple slips from her Die Young music video (much gratitude to 'Andy'), hottie model Alyssa Miller quite topless (drummed up by 'Jimbo'), Juno Temple most definitely nekkid and Summer St. Claire most thankfully topless (doubly submitted kindly by 'Michael G'), curvaceous Jodie Gasson nekkid in the shower (grazie to 'Giuseppe' from the Boot), Moldovan princess Xenia Deli compositely nekkid by Samuel Bayer (much handshaking for 'Seth N.'), and, last, but definitely not least, Miranda Kerr and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley topless behind the scenes of what appears to be a Pirelli Calendar shoot (many many thanks to 'harash'). It's a lot to consume. Don't take it all in one bite. Enjoy

And, one video this week we just had to share. Well, our EgoReader friend 'Pito' just had to share. Argentinean scandalous blonde naughty hottie Matilde Bonasera very naughty on Twitcam. Even if you don't speak Spanish, you'll get this:

I'm looking at Jodie Gasson and I can't help but feel she's trying to tell me something. Maybe I'm reading into it too much, but I'm hearing voices coming from her raised buttockal region and they're warm and inviting and whispering general pleasantries. That's the thing about a girl as hot and as willing to show off as Jodie and her perfect jugs. They speak to you in so many different ways.

One day I'd like to go to school and learn that language so I can talk back. It's on my list right after communicating with dolphins, though that I can easily push aside for a chance for a little back and forth dialogue with Jodie's derriere. Just ever so curvy and fine all over. Seeing Jodie always makes me smile. Enjoy.

When the platinum haired busty ladies throw down, you know the fur will fly, skin will be bared, and my heart will probably stop three to four times just on principle alone. How dare we pit two such ridiculously hot blonde ladies against one another in our Thunderdome of Fungbags. Oh, we dare. We dare.

This week's Battle of the Boobtastic features the delicious Page 3 model, Katia Ivanova, taking on the radiantly needing-to-be-ravaged hot body all over of our heavily belusted Rhian Sugden. It's going to get ugly by getting super hot. But only one can come out the champion. And it's up to you and your little man to decide. Who's ta-ta-'s reign supreme?

INDIA REYNOLDS HAS A NEW PAGE 3 PHOTOSHOOT OUT AS WELL

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I'm not sure how it is that the ridiculously hot Rosie Jones and I have never turned our mutual passions into real life making of the sexy time. It could be that I'm misunderstanding the word 'mutual', but I take it to mean that my lust for Rosie Jones runs as deep as the oceans and she has yet to file a restraining order on my ass with Interpol. I assume we're all good.

Featured in blessed outtakes from our friends at Nuts magazine, the still young brunette glamour model extraordinaire once more employs some naughty night time lingerie to tease us to the point of mental, and if we can get the private time, physical, exhaustion. But most definitely the good kind of tired.

Oh, Rosie, thy body doth slay me. Enjoy.

As if this doesn't play into my thirteenth greatest fantasy ever (that's out of a list of over 10,000, so pretty impressive). The ever-naughty stripteasing Hayley-Marie Coppin undressing out of her schoolteacher wardrobe, set to turn rulers into yardsticks and a bunch of other poorly thought out classroom metaphors.

As ever, we celebrate the dead center bump of the week with the amazing bumps of some of our favorite happy time viewing times objects d' lust. It's our way of ignoring our metaphysical pain and focusing on our physical pleasure. Hayley-Marie Coppin costume play is most certainly one of our favorite attention diverters ever. Huzzah!

(Check out more, much more, of Hayley-Marie Coppin on her official website, Hayley's Secrets.)

You know my long winded and tired rants about how reality shows are far better overseas than in the U.S. thanks to much more liberal views on nudity and sex on the small screen in foreign countries. But with all the evidence I've shown you, you're probably just thinking to yourself, oh, that's just liberal Europe, or the cultural norms of South America. Well, how about Africa.

Yep, even Big Brother Africa (which you probably didn't even know existed. They've got the ladies from Nairobi and Ethiopia and six other African nations competing in their current season. And they love to take showers and baths. And the cameras just keep on rolling.

Come on, America. We can fall behind in math and reading, but if we lose out to the rest of the world in ta-ta's on television, then I need to start asking how we can call ourselves a world leader any longer. Enjoy.

Well, Happy Birthday to stripper turned Girl Next Door turned advice giving mommy, Kendra Wilkinson. 28 years young. Kendra has been experiencing something of a renaissance of late after giving up much of her sextastic exhibitionism for her current role as suburban mom.

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Still, we love a chance to hearken back to Kendra's heyday at a Playboy favorite, including some very memorable nekkid moments courtesy of our friends at PlayboyPlus, home of over 100 gajillion sweet hot nekkid photos and videos of girls you wish you could sniff.

Kendra didn't become successful by accident, she had a plan. A very hot body plan. Happy birthday, Kendra.

We've brought you some of these amazing John Urbano photos of the wicked hot and downright perfect Emily Ratajkowski before. But thank you to EgoReader 'Dave' for filling in the blanks and what looks like the complete set of these visual masterworks.

Emily Ratajkowski has spent the last two years climbing up our charts of the world's hottest young ladies by sheer force of a ridiculously amazing body, incredibly alluring looks, and a dare to go bare sextastic streak we rarely see in Hollywood anymore. The combination is downright passion inducing. I think it's passion I feel. I can't actually move my neck anymore from leering at these photos, but when I can, I will re-assess. Enjoy.