Like sands through the hourglass, good people. Another week has passed us by. Another five day stretch of celebrity skin and feel-good visuals that ought to leave you primed for your weekend, if not a bit weak in the knees. There's plain old tired and then there's good tired. We want to leave you feeling the latter on your Friday, a day we give our final salute to all things holy hot and filled with love, like the most glorious globes of naughty brunettes Sammy Braddy and Alice Goodwin, having a little playtime funtime in your honor.

Two desperately hot and bodacious brunettes just hanging out, feeling up, and looking good. What could be better? Oh, yeah, you being the oil man in the photo shoot. Granted. But, for today, for right now, in this moment, be the ogling gentleman or Sapphic leaning lady you were meant to be and take it all in. It's a handful, or mouthful, depending upon your level of ambition. Thank God It's Funbags!

I have this dream where I invite several of my very favorite British style glamour models to my abode for an afternoon of Earl Grey and raunchy stripping. Then I snap back to reality to find the BBW sisters from down the hall eating all my Cool Ranch Doritos and sitting on my couch watching Animal Planet. Real life can be such a harsh slap in the face.

Thankfully, I have i-D magazine and their glorious tribute to all things hot and boobtastic and British with a topless complication pictorial of Rosie Jones, Courtnie Quinlan, Nicole Neal, Lacey Bangard, and Sabine Jemeljanova as a virtual lust-filled escape hatch from the doldrums of my apartment complex living. It's quite the array into the foray of all things plump and juicy in the chest puppy department. Yet, classy, cool, and chic. I think I dig. I dig very much. Enjoy.

Sure you got your big summer blockbusters coming out now, but how many of those billion dollar box office films are going to show you the slightest hint of bare ta's? Well, the short answer, and I guess the long answer too is, none. A sad state of affairs in popular cinema. But, thanks to our friends at Mr. Skin, we have a lovely little roadmap for alt-cinematic options that bare some quite delightful amounts of celebrity skin.

This week's Mr. Skin Minute features the delicious Alice Eve not topless in Star Trek Into Darkness, but fully flashing in Crossing Over, Lake Bell and Katie Aselton camping nekkid in Black Rock now on Blu-Ray, and another  recap of the best of the bare boobtastic on HBO and Showtime this past weekend. It's a lot of fun with celebrity funbags. Enjoy.

(And, do not forget your very own Mr. Skin membership to dazzle the ladies and inspire jealousy among your compadres.)

This has been a fun week. Maybe not as fun as meeting Backdoor Teen Mom last week, but more fun than meeting your dentist and watching him make the tsk-tsk face that you ought not give another person past the age of 10. Right there in the middle. And at the end of the middle is Friday, the holiest of days in the Egotastic! week, when we complete the ritualist ogling of the sextastic celebrities with a roundup of flesh and more flesh provided by you, the most educated readership of any celebrity site on the world wide web. Today, is your day. Nekkid populi.

This week's Reader Finds includes the delicious Amii Grove posing topless for Page 3 (thank you to EgoReader 'James'), classic throwback to topless teen Demi Moore and Michelle Johnson in Blame It On Rio (sweet find from 'Raoul'), Vanessa Hudgens innocently hot in Brian Bowen photoshoot (good tidings from 'Estev'), the underrated Marion Cotillard topless in Taxi (delivered this day by 'Owen'), Selena Gomez bikini still from Spring Breakers (courtesy of 'Anon.'), Romina Senesi skinny topless Argentine (from 'Glib' who knows we love our Sudamericanas), Nicole Neal and India Reynolds girl buddy buddy and topless for Nuts (thirst officially slaked by 'Kevin'), Hungarian gloriously sextastic model vixen Renata Hada (stellar contribution from afar by 'Jiro'), Annina Ucatis topless on Big Brother Germany (fancy tickled by 'Thommas'), Adriana Lima serious camel toe (revealed by the oft-contributing 'Pito), a very nekkid Gwyneth Paltrow (insisted upon by 'Ken S.'), SyFy's very own Jane Riley very nekkid and self-shot (no clear face but 'Hector B.' insists it's Jane, looks kinda right), Hayden Panettiere rooting on her man with cleave (kudos to 'Lugh'), more Selena Gomez laying across a bed goodness (thank you kindly 'Michael G.'), and, last, but not last, a purported nekkid shot of Game of Thrones giantess, Gwendoline Christie by photographer Polly Borland (transmitted by 'Matthew B.'). Now, that is what I call a hodgepodge of honeys! Enjoy.

Thanks to EgoReader 'Henr'y for making us even more jealous of Charlie Sheen, a man you think would've run out of ways to make the ordinary gent jealous long ago. But, nay. Meet Georgia Jones. She works in mature themed entertainment as do many of Charlie's short-lived flings (in fact, who knows, he already may be broken up with her by the time I hit 'publish').

But, there's no denying she has certain qualities we would all want in a girlfriend. Like, hot, sextastic, porny goodness. Not that that's the be-all end-all in the female gender. But it's definitely in the top ten list of archetypes. Enjoy.

Wow, this must be what those parents who have kids playing on opposing pro sports teams feel in those games where their offspring go head to head. Who to root for? You're going to have to turn your back on one of your favorites at some point, watch them lower the head into their hands, and still all the while take joy in the triumph of your winning progeny. Precisely why I intend to have athletically untalented children. I couldn't bear it.

But equally hard for me is a Page 3 Battle of the Boobtastic between two of my absolutely all-time darlings. The alt-brunette supreme queen Mellisa Clarke, and Holly Peers, whose amazing funbags I feel like I've imagined fondling since before my balls dropped. I can not make a choice. And, luckily, I don't have to. That burden falls on you. So, as difficult as it is, I ask you, who's ta-ta's reign supreme?

MORE MELLISA CLARKE HOTNESS TO HELP YOU DECIDE

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WOULD YOU, COULD YOU, VOTE AGAINST HOLLY PEERS FUNBAGS?

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We really love when we get to see Candice Swanepoel modeling outside her traditional Victoria's Secret work. Not that that's exactly the chump change of visuals. But it's always nice to see what happens to Candice in the hands and camera-direction of a slightly more mature Euro stylings, as these revealing topless photos of her from Interview magazine in Germany.

Now, we know Candice is not shy about her body or showing it off. And we know that we are not shy about leering at her body as she shows it off. It seems like we have a match. A tad bit stylized and artsy for our tastes, but Candice topless anything and the rest doesn't really matter much. Enjoy.

CANDICE DOES LOVE TO GET TOPLESS FOR THE ARTSY PROJECTS 

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Yep, it's back, my favorite new game of revealing already revealing sextastic celebrities. In this case the wicked hot Nikki Leigh who we saw in her bikini photoshoot just but a few hours ago. But I couldn't really wait to share. Because, if you haven't seen all of Nikki, well, you're just window shopping and not really inspecting.

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Thanks to our friends at PlayboyPlus, we get a sneak peek at one of the more memorable photo sets of Nikki from her Playmate to-do's of last year. She really does photograph quite extraordinarily well. Good bones and all that. It's a mouthful. If you're lucky. Enjoy.

Monika Jagaciak. Remember that name. Burn it into the neatly maintained directory in your libido, for this Polish model is about to make her case for a permanent place of residence there.

Featured in Vogue Germany this month, the supremely hot Monika manages to be elegant and stylish for the ladies, while taking her top off for the gentleman oglers, revealing just some impressively alluring chest puppies that would make me buy whatever it is she's selling. Sometimes, you need to dig a little to find the ultimate in the sextastic. But, you're busy, so I do it for you. Huzzah!

When two ridiculously hot women start taking off their clothes and touching and biting each other, don't ask a lot of questions. In my case, just stay quietly hidden in the closet or from your vantage point outside their sorority room window. If you question it, it may go away.

Images of the belusted hotties Rosie Jones and Rhian Sugden going at it playfully in their new Nuts photoshoot brings back more than one, in fact, about 17,245, pubescent fantasies of my own involving girls getting all sweaty and Sapphic in grown up person lingerie, and not much else. Hey, some kids dreamed about hitting a home run in the World Series or landing a spaceship on Mars. I just wanted to see a hot topless girl biting another hot topless girls finger. I've achieved my dream. And you wonder why I'm happy all the time. Enjoy.

Leah Francis has a couple things I truly love. No, not the obvious two. I'm talking about her award winning smile and spectacular hands. I'm a smile and hands-man, what can I say? But if I was given a second option, yeah, okay, I'd also find time to appreciate her ridiculously full udders and and caress them ever so thoroughly with baby oil heated to a comfortably warm 120-degrees. Not that I've thought of that much. This new pictorial from our friends at Zoo magazine has me in something of an emotional twist.

On Tuesdays we celebrate all that is bouncy, bright, and boobtastic. So, it's like Monday and Wednesday, but ever so slightly in the middle. Which is exactly where I long to be in relation to Leah Francis' funbags. Enjoy.

(For much more Leah Francis check out her covergirl library on ZooToday.com)

As  you may have heard by now, Angelina Jolie went public with news that she had a preventative double mastectomy to nip her highly likely genetically-sealed chances for breast cancer right in the buds. We applaud Angelina for her public discussion of her personal medical condition as nobody, but nobody, loves healthy boobs more than the Egotastic! family. Let's keep them that way for all women, as much as humanly possible.

However, we are not without tribute to our fallen brave soldiers here, so, without further ado, while we may never see them again, we can still wade into the treasures of the pleasure chest that was Angelina Jolie's faptastic funbags. Enjoy.

I'm not sure exactly how creative meetings go at Soho magazine, but the boys down Sudamericana way love their themes, today being politics, err, the partisan divide in their own nation of Colombia, not unlike our own, meaning, totally boring, without the addition of nekkid hot women that is. So, they did.

Martha Medina, a sultry model from down Colombia way and a contestant on their edition of Next Top Model, gets all into her Left (above) and Right (below) separate photoshoots, reflecting that stereotypes of both sides of the aisle can be hot if the debate is left entirely to which side shows the better booty and boobtastic. I abhor most everything to do with politic, but this could be the tipping point. Martha is much hotter than Lincoln. Enjoy.

MARTHA MEDINA FROM THE 'RIGHT SIDE' OF THE AISLE

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When our friends at Treats! magazine mentioned they had a wonderfully fashion forward pictorial to share, I reminded them that my interest in fashion begins and ends with how quickly sextastic women can remove them from their bodies. Then they mentioned Lauren Brown and this being a topless photoshoot and, well, they do know my weak spots.

Lauren Brown is one of those Ford models you've probably not heard of before, but who's face and body is speckled all throughout women's magazines and advertisements and lots of artsy stuff that sails through my brain like Columbus on speed. But in this shoot by photographer Kesler Tran, well, I've slowed things down a bit to ogling speed, absorbing all that I understand. So, yeah, primarily Lauren's bare fun parts. Art is in the eye of the beholder. Enjoy.

EMILY RATAJKOWSKI NEKKID IN TREATS! IS ONE OF OUR FAVORITES EVER

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Well, I'll say this, Nurse Jackie thespianic and boobtastic vixen Betty Gilpin knows how to get herself noticed in these parts, by showing off her ridiculously hot parts for a second week in a row to highlight the Boob Tube Roundup.

Along with a quite extended making of the sexy naughty time scene in Game of Thrones, Oona Chaplin and her bare bottom in the very same, Linda Cardellini lingerie covered topless in Mad Men, some Jennifer Love Hewitt we threw in for good measure, and another touch of Laura Haddock with her horny painter friend in DaVinci's Demons, and we have ourselves a wonderful week of skin on the small screen. Check it out. And, enjoy.

I did hold myself back on the whole Damm! pun in regard to hottie model and Jared Leto girlfriend, Katharina Damm. You can provide your own expletives after seeing the occasional actress candidly caught topless in St. Tropez. Well, not really caught I suppose when you're at a topless beach, but caught in the sense that images of her best chest are not forever stuck in the fun parts of my brain.

I've been to topless beaches in Southern France before, it's not all peaches and cream. But the occasional times when a sextastic siren like Katharina Damm prances past without her top on, that makes all the nekkid hausfrau visuals worthwhile. Enjoy.

PAZ DE LA HUERTA GOT FULLY NEKKID ON THE BEACH FOR PLAYBOY

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Behind the scenes shots of gloriously hot India Reynolds on a Monday morning? Yes, I'll take two servings of that please. Who says the work week has to only involve work? Or anything to do with work for that matter?

Let's be honest, you're not a slave to your boss, but you are a slave to extremely good looking bodacious bodied women. You'd kiss India Reynold's shoes if so ordered. Personally, I wouldn't wait for orders, I'd go dive in and apologize later. Hey, sexual fetish addiction (SFA) is a real disease. And India Reynolds is giving it to me very badly (or is that goodly?) this Mammarial Monday.

Bless you, India and our friends at Nuts magazine, for providing a ridiculously hot cushion landing for the return to Monday. Enjoy.

INDIA REYNOLDS HAS NEVER ONCE EVER DISAPPOINTED OUR EYEBALLS

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Each week I say we made it to blessed Friday, and I don't make that pronouncement lightly. It's a haul these weeks, joyous, glorious, often pain in the ass hauls. So when we get to Friday afternoons, it's time to take a break, consume at least as many frosty beverages to equal the number of years you were when you finally graduated kindergarten, and have a little 'me' time. You've earned it.

And given our onward march toward warmer weather and the summer months, why not celebrate all things gloriously plump and juice and perfect in the bodacious ta-ta department with Emma Frain, one of the single hottest females on this planet, imho. Emma certainly knows how to make the beach look more amazing than Mother Nature herself could unfold, albeit, Mother Nature also made Emma Frain so I guess she wins.

I actually now insist you do things I would not do this weekend. Write it all down on a notecard. Then burn it. That kind of fun. Thank God It's Funbags!

Talk about one whopper of a week. This has been one of those five-day hauls when The Bandit is just about ready to turn himself into Smokey. But, not quite, there's still some business to be done. The business of awesome bold and beautiful skin from some of our favorite celebrities courtesy of your generous donations. A little gift giving circle we like to call Reader Finds.

This week's Reader Finds includes Amanda Bynes from not so long ago looking hot in a bikini (thanks to EgoReader 'JHay'), a classic throwback to Joy Harmon in Cool Hand Luke with one of the best car wash scenes ever (kudos to 'Benny' for that), Estella Warren flashing her whale tail (dropped upon us by 'Dennis'), Karina Jelinek nekkid on the beach (quite a sight from 'Esteban'), the talented Vikki Blows showing off her talents (donated by 'Rudy'), convicted killer Jodi Arias nekkid, fyi, we waited until she was convicted to show these (but inspired by 'Anon', thanks), Cheryl Burke in a see-through top and Jessica Alba camel toe  and Ariel Winter bikini shot (and you're welcome from "Pito'), Micaela Schaefer topless goodness (courtesy of 'Rix'), Gwnyeth Paltrow assorted skin pics (blessings from 'Dave M.'), and Selena Gomez hot screencaps (friended here by 'Ambrus'). Quite a goodness haul indeed. Enjoy.

We can make appropriate fun of guys with grabby hands, those impolite and rude bastards that ruin it for other men, but it's okay to imagine a little wandering of the fingers over the likes of Nicole Neal, just ridiculously hot and sextastic and quite topless on the pages of Front magazine.

I mean, if you're not imagining Nicole asking for you a little help removing her garments to reveal her boobtastic perfection, well, you either need a long vacation or a short smack to the head, because Nicole is a dream inducer of the highest order. So, remember, do not touch without permission, but, in your mind, well, as Casey Kasem urges, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars (don't ask me how I know that). Enjoy.