Cat People Vs. Dog People: The Neverending Battle

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bill-swift - May 11, 2012

There are a lot of things that we humans have created to keep us separated. Religion, politics, race, class - it's all B.S. We're all the same under our skin: disgusting. And yet there is one thing that does divide humanity in half. It's something that cannot be bridged or reconciled no matter how hard we try. No, I'm not talking about people who like the Kardashians and those that want to throw a cinder block at them. The one thing that separates people is their choice of pet. There are dog people and there are cat people and never the two shall meet, (people who own snakes and stuff are a bunch of screwed up weirdos).

Cat lovers are lazy and irresponsible. They want a pet, but not one that needs much attention or work. Give them some Meow Mix and a box of dirt to crap in, and you're the cat owner of the year. Cat people are also masochists with low self esteem. They get a pet that is emotionally withholding and likes to claw their feet in the middle of the night. A pet that doesn't really care if you live or die. Cat owners are like those wives that stay with abusive husbands for years. They are so thankful for any shred of affection they can get from these furry indifference machines. Ultimately, cat owners are just one life trauma away from becoming shut-ins eating the same food as their 23 cats and talking to the TV. I am one of these freakshows.

Dog lovers, on the other hand, are emotionally needy and childish. They've replaced meaningful human relationships for the love of something that licks its own butthole. Some people get dogs because they are too immature to have children. They are needy and poop all the time like kids, but if they happen to die you don't go to jail. Speaking of poop, what kind of sick person purposefully enters into a relationship in which they have to pick up crap with their baggie covered hands twice a day? People who secretly liked Two Girls, One Cup is who. I'm also one of these people.

Article By Jack Tomas >

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