Sam Robeson - June 29, 2017
Being young, rich, and fashion attractive is more difficult than it seems. According to supermodel Cara Delevingne. The twenty-four-year-old dons her Prada battle gear to wage war against discrimination in the new Glamour. Her bisexuality is apparently under scrutiny by even her closest supporters. Can't they see she has short hair? The preferred styling of female celebrities that have a thing or two to say about this or that. I'm honestly just surprised she's still considered famous.
Until recently, bisexuality was one of the few remaining courses on the politically OK-ed marginalization menu. Gays think bisexuality is a cop out. Straights think it's an affectation. Bored twenty-something actresses and models sniffed out this caveat. A struggle of their very own. Either take the brave sassy Dove girl route ala Ashley Graham or start bumping fenders with Kristen Stewart. A double-sided dildo is the cure for starved attention:
A lot of the friends I have who are straight have such an old way of thinking. It’s ‘So you’re just gay, right?’ [They] don’t understand it. [If] I’m like, ‘Oh, I really like this guy,’ [they’re like], ‘But you’re gay.’ I’m like, ‘No, you’re so annoying!’…. Someone is in a relationship with a girl one minute, or a boy is in a relationship with a boy, I don’t want them to be pigeonholed. Imagine if I got married to a man. Would people be like—‘She lied to us!’ It’s like, no.
Delevingne will never know the stage four inanity of her story. A healthy man upset over the loss of his favorite pen feels the same emotional weight as a man upset over losing a testicle to a rare swivel chair accident. The former won't comprehend the loss of the latter until he endures it himself. Delevingne's overwrought, tired struggles with her sexual identity are as burdensome as the fly nesting ground in an Ethiopian baby's brain.
Delevingne expands on the success of her movement:
I know 13- and 15-year-old girls who are like, ‘I don’t know if I like a boy or a girl yet. I haven’t decided.’ And it’s like—[imagine] if I was able to comprehend [that at their age]. I am very happy how sexuality has become easier and freer to talk about, especially for kids.
In fifty years these same kids will all be recreating 1984 on an oceanfront parcel in Denver. Delevingne will be demanding the liberation of their holes as they pray for death. Sexuality is less news-worthy when you're drinking your own piss Water World style.
Photo Credit: Glamour
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