Can You Decipher Amy Schumer’s NFL-Themed Instagram Meltdown?

Amy Schumer is currently baking Damien inside of her old ovaries, and her first trimester might be getting to her already. Or, she's the same delusional runaway Thanksgiving parade Miss Piggy float that she's always been. Either way. Her crazy is showing hard in a new near-indecipherable Instagram caption that touches on black people, slaves, inequality, misspelled diet alcoholic beverages, the NFL, Old Navy, and Yahoo Sports hosts.

Where to start. Schumer posted a screen grab of an exchange she had with Perez Hilton. He mentioned her waning career in a comment pimping some tragic podcast. Hilton didn't "@" Schumer. Also, we checked, because this is basically Spotlight, and she's not following the #AmySchumer hashtag on Instagram, which he did include in his comment. So how did Schumer know that Hilton posted about her? The thirst monster follows fucking Perez Hilton. A recent string of flops hasn't left Schumer with a hell of a lot to do on a Monday, and, presumably, she actually listened to enough of this podcast to formulate a strong, although verbose, reaction. Which reads like a lazily-themed NFL word search:

People going on and on about how much you don’t care about my stance on the nfl sure are talking about it a lot. Instead of being critical of me, i have a crazy idea, how about you trying doing something, anything to help the gross inequality in our country. My contribution is so useless to you guys? Then Why don’t you make one. Do something. Did you know slaves are mentioned in our anthem? Well look it up you snarky trolls. I did an old navy campaign one year then a bud lite campaign the next. This year I said I wasnt up for doing any because I am horrified by the violence and treatment of people of color in our country. It’s a small way of putting my money where my tiny mouth is. The fuck are you gonna do? Step up. Goes for you too yahoo sports hosts who I’ve met. For someone you care so little about you sure do like to talk about me a lot. I think you like me what are you doing to help? I’m doing a lot more than this. But what a great message we could send if other artists passed on any super bowl exposure too. If my act of protest makes you feel attacked. That’s about you

My takeaway is that the "bud lite" isn't working. What's yours?

(Also, I just realized that her NFL kneeling queef fest continues here. It'll have you kneeling... in front of the toilet.)

 

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People going on and on about how much you don’t care about my stance on the nfl sure are talking about it a lot. Instead of being critical of me, i have a crazy idea, how about you trying doing something, anything to help the gross inequality in our country. My contribution is so useless to you guys? Then Why don’t you make one. Do something. Did you know slaves are mentioned in our anthem? Well look it up you snarky trolls. I did an old navy campaign one year then a bud lite campaign the next. This year I said I wasnt up for doing any because I am horrified by the violence and treatment of people of color in our country. It’s a small way of putting my money where my tiny mouth is. The fuck are you gonna do? Step up. Goes for you too yahoo sports hosts who I’ve met. For someone you care so little about you sure do like to talk about me a lot. I think you like me what are you doing to help? I’m doing a lot more than this. But what a great message we could send if other artists passed on any super bowl exposure too. If my act of protest makes you feel attacked. That’s about you

A post shared by @ amyschumer on Oct 29, 2018 at 10:37am PDT

 

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#AmySchumer's career has stalled - but we still really like her! U? This and much more on our latest podcast! Click the link in the @PerezPodcast bio to listen to @ThePerezHilton Podcast with @ChrisBooker or hear it on iTunes or directly at PerezPodcast.com

A post shared by PerezHilton.com (@perezhilton) on Oct 29, 2018 at 11:30am PDT

Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA / Getty Images