Sam Robeson - June 11, 2018
While most people send off the deceased with a wish that they R.I.P - Rest In Piece - Rose McGowan is sending off her apparent BFF Anthony Bourdain with a R.W.I.M.Y.S.A.A.M.F.A.E.A.E. - Rest While I Make Your Suicide All About Me Forever And Ever And Ever. After we took a look at McGowan's quickly-deleted audition reel last week for an off off off off off broadway adaptation of Girl, Interrupted, you guys brought up the point that McGowan is never without agenda. This is definitely true, but now I want someone to pinpoint exactly what that agenda is after reading this new and lengthy letter she released in the wake of Bourdain's death. McGowan wrote it with his girlfriend Asia Argento's blessing, and seems to really want to drive home the point that Argento and Bourdain had an open relationship with:
Anthony and Asia had a free relationship, they loved without borders of traditional relationships, and they established the parameters of their relationship early on. Asia is a free bird, and so was Anthony. Was. Such a terrible word to write.
This tangentially bolsters the overall message that Asia is in no way responsible for Bourdain's death, but, doesn't it also kind of imply - especially considering McGowan's visceral and bombastic response to his death - that she was (Was. Such a terrible word to write) somehow involved in a kinky love triangle? Which would mean that Bourdain slept with McGowan? Which would mean that he died like they do in "It Follows?"
While obviously Asia is not responsible for Bourdain's suicide, and seems happy to have someone championing her, McGowan's history tells us that she's what grief counselors refer to as an attention-hungry bitch, and I think Asia better watch her back. There's something even worse than getting #MeToo-ed. Getting #McGowan-ed. Check out this mess of a letter and decipher it in the comments.
Dear Fellow Humans,
Sitting across from me is the remarkable human and brave survivor, Asia Argento, who has been through more than most could stand, and yet stand she does. She stood up to her monster rapist and now she has to stand up to yet another monster, suicide. The suicide of her beloved lover and ally, Anthony Bourdain. I write these truths because I have been asked to. I know so many around the world thought of Anthony Bourdain as a friend and when a friend dies, it hurts. Many of these people who lost their ‘friend’ are wanting to lash out and blame. You must not sink to that level. Suicide is a horrible choice, but it is that person’s choice.
When Anthony met Asia, it was instant chemistry. They laughed, they loved and he was her rock during the hardships of this last year. Anthony was open with his demons, he even wrote a book about them. In the beginning of their relationship, Anthony told a mutual friend, “He’s never met anyone who wanted to die more than him.” And through a lot of this last year, Asia did want the pain to stop. But here’s the thing, over their time together, thankfully, she did the work to get help, so she could stay alive and live another day for her and her children. Anthony’s depression didn’t let him, he put down his armor, and that was very much his choice. His decision, not hers. His depression won. Anthony and Asia had a free relationship, they loved without borders of traditional relationships, and they established the parameters of their relationship early on. Asia is a free bird, and so was Anthony. Was. Such a terrible word to write. I’ve heard from many that the past two years they were together were some of his happiest and that should give us all solace.
Anthony was 61, the same age my father was when he died. My father also suffered from intermittent deep depression, and like Anthony, was part of a “pull up your bootstraps and march on” generation. The a “strong man doesn’t ask for help” generation. I know before Anthony died he reached out for help, and yet he did not take the doctor’s advice. And that has led us here, to this tragedy, to this loss, to this world of hurt. Do NOT do the sexist thing and burn a woman on the pyre of misplaced blame. Anthony’s internal war was his war, but now she’s been left on the battlefield to take the bullets. It is in no way fair or acceptable to blame her or anyone else, not even Anthony. We are asking you to be better, to look deeper, to read and learn about mental illness, suicide and depression before you make it worse for survivors by judging that which we do not understand, that which can never fully be understood. Sometimes we are stuck in the unknowable, and that is where we are now, a massive wave of darkness that threatens to swallow everyone in its wake.
As I watch Asia do her job on set today, I see a pillar of strength who continues to work to put food on her children’s table. I see Elizabeth Taylor carrying on filming Cat on a Hot Tin Roof despite her love, her husband, dying in a plane crash. I see all of us who have carried on. Please join me in sending healing energy to Anthony on his journey, and to all who’ve been left behind to journey on without him. There is no one to blame but the stigma of loneliness, the stigma of asking for help, the stigma of mental illness, the stigma of being famous and hurting.
We must do more and be better. Anthony, our friend, would want it that way.
To the media and to the random commenter, Anthony would never have wanted Asia to be hurt, I’d like to think he would want us to have the collective conversation that needs to be had about depression. Blame is NOT a conversation, it is the shutting down of our collective growth. Which is where we are now. We have a choice as humans, shrink to our smaller, uglier selves, or be better and grow as only true Phoenixes can. I urge you to be that Phoenix.
With great sadness and even greater hope, I remain,
cc: Asia Argento
Photo Credit: Instagram / Backgrid USA / Getty Images