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Burning Man Gets Helipads

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Lex Jurgen - August 30, 2017

If you were waiting to attend Burning Man, the annual late summer gathering of half-naked acid tripping junior marketing executives in the Nevada desert, until they had a landing strip for private planes and helicopters, wait no longer. It's time to visit the world's biggest drum circle and take a boatload of humble bragging selfies.

It's hard to pinpoint the moment at which Burning Man jumped the shark. It's inception seems like a good guess. If not then, when the people in charge decided attendees would be nicknamed Burners. Anytime you assign yourself a nickname, you've basically lubed up your cosmic sphincter for a karmic reaming. Though if you had waited for others to come up with one, you'd likely be called Desert Douchebags. There is that.

Like any semi-independent arts or music or cultural festival, Burning Man has been corrupted by the plague of capitalism, corporate greed, and nerds with money. Not to mention Paris Hilton and her iPhone. There's your Fifth Horseman of the social media apocalypse. Last year numerous "Burners" complained of the growing number of private upscale camp sites staged by Silicon Valley elites, with private chefs, DJs on pro sound systems, and worst of all, working showers. This year, private landing strips and helipads have been added to cart in VIPs on Navajo themed helicopters. That's cultural appropriation. The rugs, not the helicopters. If only the Navajo had done more flying machine engineering and less carpet weaving, they'd be thriving more today.

Travel agents and private transportation companies are now packaging Burning Man like they would Club Med. Only, the drugs are more accessible at Burning Man, as are the middle aged men with ironic tattoos. Purist Burners are speaking out and irate, in betwixt posting photos of themselves in the desert to one-up their office mates who went to Coachella instead.

There's a movement afoot to start something new somewhere else, now that Burning Man is ruined. Though these desert trekkers in North Face summer gear may discover what many football fans do during the Super Bowl each year. Take a shit during the halftime show and pretend it didn't happen. You're buzzed enough for this to still be fun. 

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